


Gin;Tama – The Semicolon Arc

by writing_in_the_dark



Category: Gintama
Genre: Accidental Death, Angst, Comedy, Dadtoki, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, GinHiji - Freeform, HijiGin, M/M, Romance, Science Fiction, Time Travel, Tragedy, Violence, bisexual Gintoki, bisexual Hijikata, but if you haven't seen Steins;Gate why haven't you?, frenemies to fuddies to fwb to lovers, just assume everyone is bi, more warnings pairings characters or tags may be added, other implied/past ships, takes place pre-Shogun-Assassination, you don't need to have seen Steins;Gate to understand this story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2019-08-02 21:14:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 79,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16312823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_in_the_dark/pseuds/writing_in_the_dark
Summary: Gin-san buys a Phone Microwave (Temporary Name). He makes changes to the timeline, becoming his own past self’s best wing man. Aside from some minor unexpected consequences, everything goes exactly the way he wants, until he gets stuck in a loop where he is forced to repeatedly watch a loved one die tragically. Anybody who has watchedSteins;Gatecould have told him that would happen.If any of the warnings, tags or summary scare you, just remember that through the magic (plot device) of time travel, it can all be put back to normal.





	1. Prologue of the Beginning and the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time publishing a multi-chapter story without having written the entire thing in advance. I’m scared. Here we go…

\---   ---   ---

**Day 1 (Monday)**

Sakata Gintoki has a problem. His _problem_ is approximately the same height, weight and age as he is. His _problem_ has a catastrophically bad hairstyle and smokes more cigarettes and consumes more mayonnaise than the rest of the population of Edo combined. His _problem_ is second-in-command of a government police force that specializes in being such bumbling fools they can’t even catch Zura, the king of the bumbling fools. His _problem_ occasionally tries to arrest him, and when that’s not happening, they are frenemies and sometimes temporary allies.

However, the _problem_ isn’t the problem. The problem is, lately he looks at his _problem_ and sees him sparkling, with flowers in the background, like the fucker is the love interest in a shoujo manga. The problem is the fact that he has to hold himself back from biting his lip and moaning at how good his _problem_ looks every time he sees him _,_ even in that ridiculous Oogushi-lined uniform. The problem is the way he wants to pull the cigarette from his _problem’s_ mouth and replace it with his tongue, so he can lick the tobacco flavor directly from the insides of his _problem’s_ teeth.

“Gin-san,” Shinpachi says in a serious tone, disrupting Gintoki’s thoughts about his problem and _problem,_ “we need to talk to you.”

The young man is standing on the other side of Gintoki’s desk, with his arms crossed. He is flanked by a redheaded female, who has her hands on her hips and a severe look on her face, and a gargantuan white dog, who is sitting there, panting and wagging his tail. Apparently, whatever the humanoids are upset about doesn’t apply to the canine. The two of them must be here because they want something from him, and now they’ve kept him from figuring out what to do about the problem he has with his _problem._ Great, that makes them a problem, too.

Irritated with his new problem, he leans back in his chair and starts in a bored tone, “Sorry, I’m too busy…” When he notices the cash in Kagura’s hand, his interest increases. He leans forward and says, with a fake smile and forced gregarious tone, “Ah, Shin-chan, Kagura-chan. What can I do for my two favorite kids today?”

Kagura fully captures Gintoki’s attention by slapping her hand down on top of his desk and shouting “Gin-chan!” The desk now has a permanent hand-shaped indentation in it, and he thinks he just lost some of his hearing. “Gin-chan, you have to buy two things. One!” She wags an index finger in front of his face. “You need to buy a microwave. Two!” She adds the middle finger and waves the fingers dangerously close to his eyes. “You need to buy a cell phone.”

“Mehhh,” he responds with disinterest, leaning back in his chair and crossing his ankles on top of his desk. As interested as he is in cash, he doesn’t care to burn through it buying useless household items. “I have a microwave and a phone already.”

“You have a microwave, but it hasn’t worked since before we met you!” the taller half of his problem objects, “And your clients expect to be able to reach you, even when you aren’t here, so you need a cell phone!”

He rolls his eyes, stands up, and walks over to the entryway. Realizing rolling his eyes was kind of immature, as he puts on his boots, he says in a paternal tone, “It’s my home and my business, and I will run both as I see fit.” There, that sounded like a more mature way to respond to his problem.

Kagura laughs the grunting-chimpanzee laugh she uses when she thinks she’s being clever and says, “Where are you going with no money, Gin-chan?”

He doesn’t know what the Yato portion of his problem is talking about. He still has the money from their last job in his wallet. He pulls the wallet out of his back pocket, just to be sure, and… it’s empty. “You little brats,” he says through gritted teeth. Wheeling around, face red with anger, he demands, “Give it back, right now.”

She holds the money up teasingly. When he lunges for it, she punches him in the gut, and he crumples to the floor in a heap, cradling his torso in pain.

With a shit-eating grin on her face, she crouches down next to him and says, “Microwave and cell phone, or I punch you in the kidney. Your choice.”

Gasping to get air back into his body, he looks at her through irate, narrowed eyes and wheezes out, “Fine. I’ll buy the damn microwave and cell phone.”

She holds out a hand, to help him up, which he takes. She stands, pulling him up alongside her, using her insane strength. She hands over the money and threatens, “I’ll punch you in _both_ kidneys if you come back without buying a microwave and a cell phone.”

Rather than continue to look at his annoyingly self-satisfied problem, Gintoki puts the money in his wallet and walks out.

As he walks, it occurs to him that Kagura didn’t make him promise to bring back the change. He also didn’t commit to buying any particular quality of microwave or cell phone. Thus, if he can find a deal, he can still go out for drinks this weekend _and_ keep his kidneys safe from Kagura’s fists.

He heads to the Earth Defense Base Recycle Shop. To his delight, right away he spots both a microwave and a cell phone, sitting next to each other.

When the shopkeeper notices what he’s looking at, she warns him, “Oi, you don’t want to buy that.”

“How much of a deal can you cut me if I buy both?” Gintoki asks, ignoring her.

“Do you have naturally permed hair blocking up your ear canals?” she asks, irritated with being ignored.

He picks the items up and carries them to the cash register. “They’re perfect. I’ll take them.”

“You’re not going to listen to anything I say, are you? It will be just like that time you bought a kotatsu that was obviously covered in wards, even though I told you not to buy it.”

“So…Fifty percent off for the pair?”

She looks at him, weighing whether to continue to try to get him to listen. She decides he’s not worth the effort. Giving up, she sighs and says, “Sure.” She then explains, “The phone is on a prepaid service, paid through the end of next year, courtesy of the manufacturer. The phone number is the only number saved in the Contacts list.”

He hands over the money, and she hands him a user’s guide. _‘Getting Started with your Model FG8 Phone Microwave (Temporary Name),’_ the cover reads.

“Make sure you read the guide before you use it,” she warns gravely.

“Mmm-hmm,” he says, obviously not planning to read word one. He picks up the microwave, phone, and user’s guide and leaves.

As he walks out, she yells after him, “I’m serious! Read the damn manual! Don’t come crying to me when…”

He’s too far away to hear the rest of what she says.

When Gintoki gets home with his new Phone Microwave (Temporary Name), the kids are thrilled he actually did what they told him to do. Kagura immediately takes the microwave into the kitchen. She tests it out several times and seems more than satisfied with the results. Both kids make a note of his new phone number, which Shinpachi finds saved in the phone’s Contact list under the name Hououin Kyouma.

That evening, Gintoki takes a cursory look at his new cell phone. It looks like a smartphone, but it doesn’t seem to have much functionality. That’s fine with him; he hopes he’ll never need to use it. There are only three icons on the home screen: Contacts, Call, and Text. That all seems self-explanatory. He can’t imagine why it would even need a user’s guide.

He then wonders if maybe the microwave is complicated enough to warrant a user’s guide. He goes into the kitchen and notes that the microwave appears to be just as simple. It has buttons for the numbers zero through nine and Start. He opens it up. As expected, it has a glass turntable. He closes it, lifts it up, and looks at all six exterior surfaces of the machine. It has a power cord sticking out of it, unlike that kotatsu he bought from the Earth Defense Base Recycle Shop that one time, so that’s a good sign. He sets the machine back down.

Having confirmed that both the phone and microwave are totally normal, he decides there’s no need to read the user’s guide. He throws it in the kitchen’s junk drawer.

 

\---   ---   ---

**Day 2 (Tuesday)**

Gintoki gets his first opportunity to use his new cell phone the very next day. Gintoki, Kagura and Shinpachi are on their way to a job, and they get delayed by road closures due to a bomb threat to a nearby government building. Though the situation is likely Zura’s fault, they have no choice but to wait until the prefectural police re-open the streets.

Fortunately, Shinpachi has the client’s phone number with him, so Gintoki pulls his phone out, to quickly call and let the client know the reason for the delay. He taps on the Call icon and finds that everything is not as self-explanatory as he had assumed it would be. There are the usual number keys, along with a Send button, but there is also an area labeled Time. He doesn’t know what the Time field does, so he leaves it blank. He enters the phone number, hits Send, and is pleased to find that the call connects as one would expect.

When they get home from the job, Gintoki decides to give the user’s guide a look. He retrieves it from the junk drawer and sits on the couch. He opens it up and begins reading:

_Congratulations on the purchase of your Future Gadget Laboratory Model FG8 Phone Microwave (Temporary Name)! Please read this user’s guide thoroughly before utilizing your Phone Microwave (Temporary Name)._

He wonders why in the world they couldn’t have settled on a permanent name for the machine before selling it to the public. He supposes it’s a brand strategy meant to differentiate it from other phone microwaves on the market, similar to the way most of _Gintama’s_ lessons have really long names, which differentiates it from other manga, which tend to have chapter titles of reasonable length.

The guide continues: _When the phone and microwave components are used separately, they function as any normal phone or microwave. The phone has only Contacts, Call, and Text pre-installed, but feel free to install your favorite apps on the phone. We might suggest installing the Goodle search engine, a social networking app such as @channel, or the artificial intelligence interface Amadeus._

Gintoki thinks he’ll probably install Monkey Hunter, when he gets a chance.

_The microwave is energy-efficient, to conserve Japan’s precious natural resources. All of your favorite delicious foods can be heated up to perfection in the microwave, including juicy chicken tenders, which pair perfectly with a Dk Pepper._

Dammit, now he’s hungry for meat and thirsty for something sweet to drink. But he keeps reading.

_When the phone and microwave components are used in conjunction, the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name)’s time travel functionality can be utilized._

Gintoki calmly closes the user’s guide, sets it down on the coffee table, stands up, and walks into the kitchen. He thinks maybe he has gone insane, or perhaps he’s asleep and dreaming, because the user’s guide for his goddamned cell phone and microwave claims the two machines can be used together for fucking _time travel._ He looks in the mirror. He looks normal. He pinches his cheek. “Ow!” He’s pretty sure he’s awake. Having gone insane can’t be ruled out, but he thinks it best to continue reading the guide.

He goes back to the living room, sits on the couch, takes a calm breath, and picks up the guide. It continues:

_ D-mail _

_Sending a text message back in time using the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name)’s D-mail feature is simple:_

_First, after entering the destination phone number or email address and message into the phone’s Text function, enter the number of hours you wish to send a message back in time in the Time field. Next, enter that same number into the microwave. Finally, press the Send button on the phone and the Start button on the microwave._

_A text message can be sent to any text-capable phone device or email address that exists at the time to which you are sending the message. There is a limit of 18 Japanese characters (or 36 English characters), including spaces. No pictures, data files, or anything other than text can be sent. The message can be sent up to 9,999 hours (417 days, or slightly over a year) into the past._

_There are a number of safeguards in place, to make sure you don’t accidentally send a text message back in time. The message will be sent as normal and will not time-travel if one or more of the following criteria are met: No time is entered into the phone and/or microwave, the time entered into the two machines doesn’t match, the Send button on the phone and/or the Start button on the microwave are not pressed, or the Send and Start buttons are not pressed within three seconds of each other._

_ Time Leap _

_Using the Time Leap feature to send your consciousness back in time is also simple:_

Gintoki stops reading right there and closes the guide again. Did this thing just claim a phone and microwave are able to send a person’s _consciousness_ back in time? He drops the user’s guide unceremoniously on the coffee table. It lands with a _thump_.

He digs his fingertips into his eyelids, attempting to massage away the colossal headache that built up from reading a single page of the guide. It’s the most insane thing he’s ever read. He would be pissed off, except the phone and microwave work just fine, and he got a good deal on them.

He decides it’s time to go to bed.

 

\---   ---   ---

**Day 5 (Friday)**

When Friday rolls around, with the deal Gintoki got on the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name), he still has plenty of money left to live it up. He goes to a bar and drinks, to forget about his problem (his crush on Hijikata) and his _problem_ (Hijikata).

On his way to his second bar, as he walks down the street with the broken sex-toy vending machine, he’s tipsy and unsteady on his feet. He trips and nearly falls over, but a kind stranger catches him. He leans against the man. The man is warm and smells nice. His sluggish motor skills finally catch up with his brain’s command to look at the stranger’s face, and…

Oh… It’s his _problem._ He as usual looks hot as fuck, and shit, his face is so damn close. Gintoki wants more than anything just to kiss him. He locks his red eyes with the cobalt eyes of his _problem,_ and for a fleeting moment, it seems like his _problem_ would be open to the idea. There’s something in his eyes that makes it seem like he wants it. But while Gintoki’s saké-sodden brain mulls over what to do, the moment passes.

“Oi, watch where you’re going, you fucking drunk,” Hijikata scolds him.

Gintoki grins a drunken grin and says, “Ok, Mr. Officer.”

Hijikata lets go of him, stays for a second, to make sure he’s not going to fall over, and then walks away.

With that fresh reminder of his problem, Gintoki decides he hasn’t had nearly enough to drink. At the next bar, he runs into Hasegawa. He doesn’t have any memory after the first couple drinks, but he wakes up the next morning in a cardboard box in a park, spooning Hasegawa. He wants to think they didn’t do anything unmentionable last night, but even if they did, it wouldn’t be the first time. He extracts his arm from under Hasegawa’s neck, gets up, and walks home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s the hardest part of writing _Gintama_ fic, and why is it deciding how to deal with Kagura’s speech patterns? Am I a lazy fuck for simply ignoring them? Feel free to discuss in the comments.


	2. Time Travel Paranoia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gin-san tests out the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name)’s D-mail feature. This fic earns its Explicit rating.

\---   ---   ---

**Day 9 (Tuesday)**

Gintoki doesn’t believe a word the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name)’s user’s guide says about the machines being capable of sending text messages or even a person’s consciousness back in time.

Despite his incredulity, he’s curious. The only reason he hasn’t tested it is because he has difficulty deciding _how much_ to try to change the past. The change will have to be significant enough to make it obvious whether or not the past was impacted, without changing things _too_ _much_ or for the worse.

It is only after he thinks it over for a couple days that it occurs to him if he is successful in changing the past, he won’t remember having changed it. Argh, time travel is frustrating! Still, he’s tempted to give it a try. He just has to decide on something he wants to change.

While on a job, he happens to see his _problem_ (Hijikata) and is reminded of the fleeting moment while he was wasted Friday night, when he thought his desire to kiss might be well-received. If only he hadn’t been falling-down drunk, he could have seized the moment…

_…if only…_

…and now he knows how he wants to test the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name)’s purported time travel capabilities. Even though he doesn’t believe anything will change, he would like it if he could become his own past self’s best wing man. He smirks when he imagines what a cocky motherfucker he would have been Friday night, if he had been armed with a degree of sobriety and a text message from his future self, encouraging him to make a move on Hijikata.

His next challenge is composing a message that’s short enough for the D-mail function’s character limit but which will give his past self all the pertinent information. He considers sending, _“Don’t get drunk. Kiss Hijikata!”_ The message has the virtue of being straightforward in telling his past self the key steps to success, but it’s missing some vital information, specifically, _where to be_ and _when_ to catch Hijikata in a willing mood.

Upon further thought, he believes if he had known the _who, when,_ and _where_ in advance, he would have avoided getting drunk, and the rest would have happened organically. The message he decides to use reads: _“Hijikata 0030 tonight dildo machine.”_

He waits until Kagura takes Sadaharu for a walk before performing his test. He starts by entering the message he composed into his phone. He then calculates the number of hours since early Friday evening, so he can catch his past self before he starts drinking, and he enters the number into his phone and on the microwave. He hits Send on the phone and Start on the microwave.

Lightning comes zapping out of the microwave in every direction, and its turntable spins in reverse. It feels like the entire universe is shaking around him.

After a minute, the microwave stops spewing electrical discharge, the turntable becomes motionless, and the universe goes back to being still around him. He stands like a statue, to see if it feels like the text message to his past self affected anything. He thinks back to Friday, and his memory of that night is unchanged: He went out, got wasted, missed his opportunity to make a move on Hijikata, and slept with (and maybe _slept with *wink wink*_ ) Hasegawa. At no point did he receive a text message from himself.

He checks his phone. It shows the outgoing message a minute ago, and it shows that same message as incoming four days ago. He notices that the number at the top of the screen, next to the time, has changed. If he recalls correctly, it used to read 0.000000, but it now reads 0.523299. He assumes the number indicates something he doesn’t care about, like data usage, and that it’s unrelated to his having sent a D-mail.

How lame! What a rip-off! He thought it would be kind of cool to be able to change the past, but the stuff about the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) being able to send text messages back in time is obviously just a marketing ploy. With an indignant huff, he grabs a carton of strawberry milk from the refrigerator and flops down on the couch to watch TV.

\---   ---   ---

**α (0.523299): Day 11 (Thursday)**

Gintoki stops by home in the middle of the day to search the place for change so he can buy candy. He opens the front door and sees Shinpachi, holding a bottle of lube in one hand and a box of condoms in the other.

Holy shit! Is the virgin-est virgin ever to virgin about to lose his virginity?! Or…did he lose it _already_ , and he’s on his way to take care of his needs again?! Gintoki wonders who the lucky gal is. Then again, the lube might be taken as indicative there’s a lucky _guy_ involved in this transaction.

Before Gintoki gets a chance to ask any prying questions, Shinpachi walks up to him, blushing furiously, and holds his hands out, as if he’s offering the items to Gintoki.

This sets Gintoki’s mind reeling. Is Shinpachi silently propositioning him?! Is he so desperate to lose his megane-virgin persona that he wants Gintoki to take him, right here and now?! Then again, who could blame the kid? Gin-san is famously great in bed…

“Gin-san,” Shinpachi stutters, completely flustered, “c-can you please be sure to empty your pockets before I do the laundry?”

Now Gintoki notices that Shinpachi is wearing an apron and has a cloth on his head. He must be cleaning and running laundry. The poor boy looks for all the world like he might die of embarrassment. Gintoki takes the lube and condom box from him.

The virgin’s entire face and neck are red with humiliation as he walks away.

Gintoki looks at the items in his hands and cocks his head in confusion at them. He doesn’t remember having any such thing in his pockets recently. He must have bought them while he was drunk Friday night. He notes that the box has been opened, and it looks like a couple of condoms got used. Hasegawa better be grateful he was thoughtful enough to practice safe sex with him. He takes the items to his bedroom and puts them in his underwear drawer. Hopefully he will have an opportunity to use them again soon, specifically with someone other than Hasegawa.

 

\---   ---   ---

**α (0.523299): Day 12 (Friday)**

Gintoki wonders if he could create some magic with his _problem_ the old-fashioned way, without the aid of a time travel device. It’s possible Hijikata will be patrolling the same area around the same time as he was last Friday, so Gintoki plans to stay relatively sober, pretend to ‘drunkenly’ stumble into Hijikata, and see if the ‘I wouldn’t mind if you kissed me’ look makes another appearance.

On his way out the door, he grabs the lube and a couple condoms and puts them in his back pocket, just in case things go really well (or really poorly) for him. He goes to a bar, but instead of ordering a ton of the cheap stuff and getting drunk quickly, he orders a moderate amount of good saké and takes his time enjoying it.

It’s a little bit early, but he doesn’t want to be late and miss Hijikata. He finishes his drink, settles his bar tab, and heads to the street with the broken sex-toy vending machine. He hides in an alley and waits. Right on time, the man in question comes walking down the street, in-uniform and appearing to be on patrol.

Before Gintoki is able to execute his ‘fake drunk’ plan, he’s spotted. Hijikata starts walking toward him, and Gintoki meets him halfway, curious to see what he has to say.

Not quite making eye contact, Hijikata says, “So, um… I should be done with my patrol in about an hour. You wanna meet up for a while? Same place as last time?”

Gintoki almost asks, _‘What the fuck are you talking about?’_ but then it dawns on him his test D-mail must have worked. His last-Friday-self must have gotten the text message and asked Hijikata out for a drink or something. He almost jumps up and down and squeals in excitement, but Hijikata would probably be turned off by that, so he suavely says, “Sure.”

“See you out front in an hour,” Hijikata says, turning to walk away.

 _‘Out front of where?’_ Gintoki can’t ask, or else it will be obvious he doesn’t remember what happened during the revised version of last weekend. Instead, since it’s not much of a stretch, he plays dumb and asks innocently, “What was the name of the place again?”

Hijikata turns around and takes a couple steps back toward him. He looks off to the side, gives an embarrassed cough, and answers quietly, “Sun Hotel, moron.”

“Right, of course. I don’t know why I couldn’t remember the name of the place,” Gintoki says nervously, trying to act like he’s not about to pass out from the knowledge that he took Hijikata to a love hotel last weekend and doesn’t remember it. He gives a forced grin and says, “See you in an hour.”

He walks away before Hijikata catches him panicking. He goes back into the alley, so he can have a freak-out session without being seen. Is this the Scandal Arc all over again? No, this is different, because this forgotten sex really happened, and he doesn’t remember it because of time travel.

He’s thrilled his message to the past worked, but he’s pissed off that it left his memory untouched. What’s the point of sleeping with Hijikata if he can’t remember it?! He calms himself with the assurance that tonight is his opportunity to create memories with Hijikata that he can call to mind while jacking off for years to come.

He’s glad he didn’t listen when the shopkeeper at the Earth Defense Base Recycle Shop told him not to buy the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name). It works great! Because of it, he got his _problem_ into the sack, and he’s about to do it again!

He has an hour to kill, and so many questions! Did he walk up to Hijikata and proposition him in the middle of the street? Whose idea was it to go to a love hotel? Did Hijikata pay for the hotel room, and can he talk him into paying again? Which one of them was on top? Was it any good?

He takes a few deep breaths and thinks of the logical answers to his own questions. He probably didn’t proposition Hijikata in public, because that would likely only result in Hijikata kneeing him in the crotch. He’s sure going to the Sun Hotel was his idea. He’s been there before; it’s reasonably clean, and nobody cares if two guys get a room together. He doesn’t know if Hijikata paid for the room last time, but he hopes he will pay this time. Who was on top doesn’t matter, because Gintoki likes it both ways, and it must have been good, or else Hijikata wouldn’t be asking for it again.

Gintoki spends the remainder of the hour browsing his extensive mental library of Hijikata-related fantasies, ranking which ones he would most like to see become reality.

When the hour passes, he meets Hijikata in front of the Sun Hotel, and they walk in together. With a shocking lack of trepidation, Hijikata strides up to the front desk, slides cash toward the desk clerk, and says, “One hour, please.”

Gintoki wonders how they are going to get two showers and a satisfying amount of sex done in an hour.

The clerk takes the cash and hands over a key. “Four-oh-four” is all the clerk says.

When they get to the room, Hijikata pulls a small bottle of lube and a couple condoms from his pocket and throws them onto the bed. His shocking lack of trepidation continues as he unabashedly strips naked in front of Gintoki, folding his clothes and placing them in a neat pile on top of the dresser.

Gintoki couldn’t look away from Hijikata’s body, even if he wanted to. Everything about his body is insanely sexy, especially all the scars and bruises, and that ass… He hopes he gets a chance to do things to that ass, but he could die happy if his own ass is the only one that sees any action tonight.

Of course, this isn’t his first time seeing or even touching Hijikata’s naked body, as he lived in Hijikata’s body for a while, but he was too busy trying to get the other half of his soul back to take the time to properly appreciate it. He was only able to make Hijikata’s body cum three times while he was in it, and that hardly counts, because he did it with Hijikata’s own hands.

Without a word, Hijikata goes into the bathroom and takes a shower.

While Hijikata showers, Gintoki takes his clothes off. He then sits his naked ass down on the bed and fidgets like he’s anxious as hell, which he is. He can’t believe he’s at a love hotel with Hijikata. He is still having trouble wrapping his head around the concept that last Friday night went completely differently from how he remembers it.

A couple minutes later, he hears the shower turn off, and then a buck-naked Hijikata steps out into the room.

“Your turn,” Hijikata says, as he pulls his lighter and a cigarette from the pocket of his folded-up jacket.

Gintoki reluctantly rips his eyes away from Hijikata’s naked body and goes into the bathroom. He turns the shower on and steps under the warm water. It occurs to him that he should prep himself while he’s in here, since Hijikata presumably has little-to-no experience with such things. He takes care of that while rubbing one out to his third-ranked Demon-Vice-Chief-fucking fantasy, in which sixty-nining ends with him shooting cum all over Hijikata’s face. He then uses the handheld shower head to get his backside squeaky-clean. He turns the water off and steps out.

As he towels off, he reminds himself to play it cool. He can’t let Hijikata find out he doesn’t remember their first time together.

He steps into the room and immediately loses his cool when his jaw drops open at the latest entry in the list of things Hijikata does with a shocking lack of trepidation.

Hijikata is on his knees on top of the pulled-back sheets of the bed, facing away from him. His right hand is reaching around behind him, and three lubed-up fingers are stuffed inside. He groans lightly as he moves his own fingers in and out.

The motion is creating the lewdest squelching noises Gintoki has heard since he fucked himself with an armless Justaway a few days ago. Despite having just cum, he’s already rock-hard again.

Hijikata motions over his shoulder with his head, wordlessly beckoning Gintoki to come closer.

Gintoki thinks he better start expecting everything Hijikata does from here on out to be done with a shocking lack of trepidation. He steps toward the bed.

Hijikata turns toward him, pulls a condom from the box, opens the package, and rolls the condom onto Gintoki’s waiting erection.

Having his dick touched by Hijikata is unexpectedly stimulating. Gintoki is mortified by the small moan that comes out of his mouth.

The moan doesn’t go unnoticed by Hijikata, who smirks before he turns back around, going down on his hands and knees.

Gintoki’s mind stops working. All he knows is he wants to be inside the other man in the room. He climbs onto the bed and gets into position behind Hijikata. He moves to put it in, but he is stopped abruptly when Hijikata threatens, “Oi! Lube yourself up, or I’ll kick you in the nuts.”

Right, lube. He knew that. It’s just that everything is moving so damn fast, he spaced it out. He opens the bottle, squeezes out a generous amount of lube, and spreads it over the condom. He closes the bottle, sets it down, and rubs the excess from his hand onto Hijikata’s frankly cute hole.

He can’t believe he’s about to have sex with Hijikata for the first time. Well, actually, it seems like it’s at least the second time for Hijikata, but it’s the first time from his perspective. He briefly wonders what happened between them that’s causing Hijikata to skip over all the other fun stuff they could be doing and go straight to anal.

His thoughts get interrupted when an annoyed Hijikata looks over his shoulder and says, “Hurry up. I’m getting bored.”

Not one to deny such an agreeable request from a gorgeous guy, Gintoki obliges. He goes in slowly, not wishing to hurt someone who up until about an hour ago he would have put good money on being an anal virgin. He gently places his hands at the sides of Hijikata’s waist, still in awe that he’s able to touch him like this. Hijikata adjusts to being penetrated remarkably quickly, so it’s not long before Gintoki is all the way in and up to full speed.

The person Gintoki is repeatedly burying himself inside is silent, which simply won’t do. He wants to hear him. What kinds of sounds does he make when he’s feeling it? Does he scream or moan or get talkative? Gintoki slides his right hand around to Hijikata’s front and grasps his length, which is only half-hard. That won’t do, either. He strokes in time with his thrusts, experimenting with various combinations of speed and depth, until what’s in his right hand is completely stiff. Going slow and deep causes a light moan. Dragging the pad of his thumb across the head of Hijikata’s cock while he’s as deep as he can get earns him a breathy _“mmm, ahh, yes”_ from Hijikata’s lips.

The muscles surrounding Gintoki’s cock tighten pleasantly, and the muttered curses coming out of Hijikata’s mouth push him over the edge. He climaxes, oblivious to everything but his own orgasm.

When his senses return, he’s in the same place, on his knees on the bed. The other party has already gotten up and is looking out the window and smoking a cigarette. When he notices a sticky mess all over his right hand, he quickly wipes it off with a tissue before throwing both arms in the air in celebration of his victory. He made Hijikata cum! Go ahead and kill him right now. He has accomplished everything he ever wanted in life.

He pulls the condom off and throws it away, then he lies down on his back and closes his eyes, exhausted from the hard work he just did.

He only gets to rest for a minute before Hijikata tugs on his ear and says, “Wake up. It’s my turn.”

“Ow!” he says, rubbing his sore ear, “That hurt!”

“Quit your whining, or I’ll show you hurt.”

It’s said like a threat, but the very thought of being taken by Hijikata gets his heart racing, and his crotch stirs back to life. He smirks and says in a smarmy voice, “Where do you want me, baby?”

“On your stomach.” Gintoki rolls over, and Hijikata pinches his ass painfully hard and says, “And don’t call me ‘baby.’”

“Ouch! You’re so mean, Hijikata-kun!” he whines into the bedsheets.

“If you don’t like it, you can find a new fuck buddy,” Hijikata retorts, in a tone that sounds bitter.

Gintoki doesn’t know what to make of the tone. Is Hijikata upset they aren’t more than just sex friends, or is he ashamed that he has stooped low enough to sleep with Gintoki? He can’t see Hijikata’s face from where he is, so he really has no idea.

“Are you prepped already?” Hijikata asks.

“Yeah,” Gintoki answers.

Hijikata gets onto the bed and takes his position, straddling Gintoki’s ass.

Gintoki hears what sounds like Hijikata putting a condom on, then he feels Hijikata’s slick fingers applying lube to him, followed by something thicker than fingers pushing inside. It feels fabulous from thrust one. Somehow, this man he’s never slept with before knows exactly what he’s doing. He had always pictured Hijikata would be cute and demure and awkward if they so much as kissed, but he’s pounding him like a professional. Every thrust is exactly where Gintoki wants it to be. He notices he’s moaning rather loudly, so he pulls a pillow up against his mouth to dampen the sound.

A couple blissful minutes later, Gintoki cums when Hijikata starts going fast.

Shortly thereafter, Hijikata finishes. Right after he’s done, he pulls out, throws the condom away, and puts his clothes back on. Before he leaves, he looks over his shoulder and asks in a neutral tone, “Same place and time next Friday?”

“Mmm-hmm,” Gintoki answers through the pillow that’s still partially obscuring his mouth.

After the door closes behind Hijikata, Gintoki lies there for another minute, feeling sorry for himself. He finally got what he wanted from Hijikata, but he’s not happy. It felt good in the moment, but now that it’s over, he feels like it was lacking, and not only because they didn’t even use half of the hour Hijikata paid for.

He doesn’t know what the problem is, and he’s not even going to try to figure it out right now, because he needs a drink. Tomorrow, when he’s sober again, he’ll figure out where he went wrong. He will probably need to start by reading more of the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name)’s damn user’s guide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are as dissatisfied with the sex in this chapter as Gintoki was, feel free to air your grievances in the comments.


	3. Parallel World Paranoia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki finds out why he can’t remember hooking up with Hijikata for the first time. The audience finds out the cause of Hijikata’s behavior in the previous chapter.

\---   ---   ---

**α (0.523299): Day 13 (Saturday)**

The day after having sex with his _problem_ (Hijikata) for the first time (as far as he remembers), Gintoki is still completely dissatisfied with the experience. He’s too hung over to figure out what the problem was, but he is ready to find out why he doesn’t remember the “new” past.

He pulls out the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name)’s user’s guide and flips through the pages, browsing the headings. He stops when he sees one that reads _Troubleshooting._ He works his way through the decision tree presented on the page.

 _Which Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) functionality do you wish to troubleshoot: voice calling, text messages, smartphone apps, heating up food in the microwave, or time travel?_ Time travel.

 _To which aspect of time travel is your issue related: D-mail, Time Leap, or time travel in general?_ D-mail.

 _Are you having difficulty changing the past?_ He definitely changed the past, so no.

 _Is your issue related to your inability to remember the changed past?_ Yes.

 _Are you in the middle of a memory loss arc?_ No. Thankfully, _Gintama_ got that manga cliché out of the way early on.

The solution to Gintoki’s issue reads: _If you are certain you have successfully changed the past via D-mail, but you are only able to remember the original timeline, congratulations! You have a rare ability known as Reading Steiner. This ability, which is typically only bestowed upon otherwise-underpowered protagonists, allows you to remember the timeline that was overwritten. To avoid the drawbacks of not remembering the current timeline, you may wish to use the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name)’s Time Leap capabilities rather than D-mail to change the past. For more information on Reading Steiner, please see page 18 of this guide._

He angrily shoves the guide back into the junk drawer. What a piece of shit! First of all, who does it think it’s calling an ‘underpowered protagonist’? Gin-san is OP as fuck, thank you very much. Second, he refuses to read page 18. Third, screw that Time Leap thing. He’s not going to send his consciousness back in time. He’s doubtful a phone and microwave are really capable of such a feat, and even if they are, it sounds far too risky.

Now that he understands why he doesn’t remember the “new” past, he isn’t looking forward to tackling his next task. Figuring out what went wrong during the night he doesn’t remember probably won’t be easy. He sighs and frowns deeply when he realizes even if he figures out what went wrong and what type of D-mail he could send to fix it, he’s going to have the same issue again, where he doesn’t remember the “new” past. That won’t stop him from trying, though, because the “wham, bam, thank you, Gin-san” thing didn’t set well with him at all.

Too bad real life isn’t a work of fiction, because if it was, he could find out what went wrong by sitting back and watching the current scene dissolve into a flashback of the “new” version of last Friday night.

 

**α (0.523299): Day 13 (Saturday)**

**< <<   <<<   <<<**

**α (0.523299): Day 5 (Friday)**

Around half-past midnight, Hijikata is nearly done with his patrol route through Kabukicho, taking one last pass down the district’s raunchiest street. It’s the only place in the area where one can find a sex-toy vending machine right there at street level. To add to the trashy ambiance, the machine is out-of-order.

He’s exhausted. It was hot earlier today, and he had a long patrol shift. He’s too tired to pay much attention to his surroundings. As a result, he doesn’t notice a drunk man stumbling toward him until the man nearly collapses right in front of him. He catches the man so he doesn’t fall over.

Hijikata looks down at the drunkard and finds himself gazing into Yorozuya’s scarlet eyes. He looks sexy as hell, and he smells nice, which is odd, considering he’s apparently falling-down drunk.

Hijikata has long harbored illogical feelings for this particular man. He’s incredibly ashamed that the crush he developed the moment he met Gintoki has grown into something far greater than simple physical attraction. He’s unprepared to define the exact nature of his feelings. His only consolation is that nothing will ever come of them, since they are one-sided.

He catches himself making an ‘I really want to kiss you’ face and quickly replaces it with a look of irritation. He scolds, “Oi, watch where you’re going, you fucking drunk.”

To his surprise, Gintoki grins a completely sober grin and says, “I’m not drunk, Mr. Officer.”

Irritated with the idiot for faking drunk, he mutters, “ _Tch_ … Moron,” and pushes Gintoki away.

Hijikata is about to walk away when Gintoki asks provocatively, “You wanna go somewhere?”

The question sounds like a sleazy come-on, but that doesn’t make sense to Hijikata in the context of who is asking and who is being asked, so he wrinkles his nose in confusion and says, “Huh?!”

Gintoki gives him an affected look of pity and asks, “How long has it been?” Hijikata doesn’t understand the question, until a dead-fish-eyed Gintoki holds the index finger and thumb of one hand in a circle and sticks the index finger of his other hand through the hole.

The prying question about his love life pisses Hijikata off. He doesn’t intend to answer, but the question piques his own curiosity. He flips backward through a calendar in his mind, one month at a time, searching for the last time he got some. He thought it was at the last sakura viewing, but it must have been spring of the prior year. Shit. It’s been fifteen months? And what was her name again? Something…ko? Man, he hopes he left a better impression on Somethingko-san than she did on him. He isn’t about to answer the question. He scowls and says, “None of your damn business, pervert.”

Gintoki puts a hand on Hijikata’s shoulder and says, with fake sympathy, “That long, huh? Do you even remember her name?”

Hijikata tries his best to hide that Gintoki correctly guessed an affirmative answer to the former question and a negative to the latter.

“I can help you out with that,” Gintoki offers calmly.

“I…” Hijikata struggles to respond to the proposition. The thought of taking their relationship beyond acquaintances nearly knocks the wind out of him. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, just in case he’s misunderstanding Gintoki’s intent. “I’m on duty,” he says, avoiding directly accepting or declining the offer.

Gintoki isn’t brushed off so easily. He asks, “When do you get off duty?”

Maybe it’s the way the light of the moon catches Gintoki’s silver hair and pale skin, deceptively making him look like an angel, or maybe it’s dehydration and lack of sleep, or perhaps it’s the fact that he doesn’t _want_ to turn down the offer, but Hijikata is having difficulty finding the fortitude to say, ‘No, thanks,’ and walk away. He squirms, uncomfortable with how comfortable he is with being touched by Gintoki, and answers honestly, “I was actually on my way back to the barracks… I’m tired, and I’m all sweaty from being on patrol. I just want to take a shower and go to bed.”

Gintoki smirks. “I’ll take you somewhere with a shower and a bed.”

It takes a second, but Hijikata puts two and two together and figures out Gintoki is referring to a love hotel. He hates that he’s weak enough for this man to find the offer tempting. It’s very, very tempting. He blushes and looks down at the street as he protests quietly, “I’ve never…all the way…with a man…”

Gintoki responds with a terrifying promise, “It’s ok, Hijikata-kun. Gin-san will be gentle.”

Hijikata doesn’t trust that the tied-for-biggest-sadist-he-knows understands the meaning of the word ‘gentle.’ He assumes Yorozuya will want to be on top. With fear in his eyes and voice, he asks, “I’d be…on the bottom?”

“I like it both ways, so we can take turns. I’ll even let you be on top first,” Gintoki ‘generously’ offers, in a tone Hijikata finds more scary than reassuring.

In a last-ditch attempt to avoid doing something stupid, Hijikata argues, “I’m in uniform. I can’t be seen giving patronage to a love hotel, especially with a man.”

Gintoki glances up and down the street. “Look around, Hijikata-kun. Are we in a part of town where anyone cares?”

Hijikata takes a look in both directions and sees proof of Gintoki’s point. This is a part of town where people come to hook up on the down-low, away from the prying eyes of spouses and the judgment of society.

Although it still sounds to Hijikata’s brain like the worst idea ever, which will likely only end with him getting his hopes up and his feelings hurt, his heart wins the argument. He swallows hard and answers, “Ok.”

Gintoki gives a satisfied smile, lets go of Hijikata’s shoulder, and starts walking.

Hijikata walks beside him, nervous at the knowledge they are walking toward a love hotel.

When they walk into the Sun Hotel, Hijikata hangs back while Gintoki walks up to the front desk.

Pushing cash across the desk, Gintoki says to the clerk, “One hour.”

Hijikata wonders how they’re going to fit two showers and two rounds of foreplay and sex into an hour.

The clerk takes the cash, places a key on the desk, and says, “Five-oh-six.”

Hijikata follows Gintoki onto the elevator. On the ride up to the fifth floor, way too late to do much about it, Hijikata suddenly straightens as he realizes he will be really sorry if they don’t have lube and condoms. He gives Gintoki a worried look. “Do you have…,” he clears his throat nervously, “you know…the stuff we need?”

Gintoki answers by patting his own back pocket.

“Oh…ok…good,” Hijikata says quietly. The answer didn’t put his mind as much at ease as he had hoped.

When they get to the room, Gintoki immediately strips naked, throwing his clothes into a messy pile on the floor. Hijikata feels like he should be looking away, but he can’t. Sure, he lived in that body for a while, so it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before, but at the time, he was too busy trying to get their souls back to the right places to properly appreciate it. Everything about it is nice, even the scars, and that ass… Holy shit, he’s about to do things to that ass. His heart rate increases; whether due to arousal or anxiety, he can’t tell.

Gintoki gives him an uncharacteristically genuine smile and goes into the bathroom to take a shower. Hijikata thinks the smile might have stopped his already-palpitating heart. He clutches his chest, to make sure he can still detect a heartbeat. He takes steady breaths and tries to calm down.

Once he’s a bit calmer, he decides he wants to delay being seen naked as long as he can, even though he knows Gintoki already saw his naked body while he was living in it. He takes off his clothes, folding them and placing them in a neat pile on top of the dresser, and puts on one of the robes hanging in the closet.

He sits on the bed and fidgets like a little kid during a long religious ceremony. He can’t keep his hands still. He smokes a cigarette and thinks about the absolutely insane thing he’s about to do. He has never gone farther with another guy than kissing and oral sex. He supposes they’ll start out with the stuff he’s done before, and he’s comfortable enough with that, but Gintoki is clearly expecting to go all the way. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to take their relationship to this level, but it’s his very first time; he has never played with himself back there, nor has he had anal sex with a woman. He has no frame of reference, and not knowing what to expect makes him nervous.

He hears the shower turn off, and a minute later, Gintoki steps out into the room, thankfully dressed in a robe. He didn’t want to get caught ogling his naked body again.

“Your turn,” Gintoki says, running a towel through his wet, bushy hair.

Hijikata goes into the bathroom, takes off the robe and hangs it on a hook, turns on the shower, and steps under the warm water. He washes the day’s sweat and street dust off his body and out of his hair and realizes he’s not going to last long in bed if he doesn’t rub one out while he’s in here. He takes care of that while imagining what it will be like to have Gintoki’s tongue touching his, groaning quietly as a too-long-pent-up load of thick cum washes down the drain. Then, for the first time in his life, he utilizes the handheld shower head to get his backside extra clean. He turns off the shower, steps out, towels off, and puts the robe back on.

To prevent himself from panicking about what he has agreed to do this evening, he takes several deep, even breaths before he steps out of the bathroom, whereupon his jaw drops open.

The first thing he sees is a sexy, nude man, on his knees, facing away from him, on top of the pulled-back sheets of the bed. He’s reaching around his own backside with his right hand, stuffing three lubed-up fingers inside himself. He moans lightly as he moves his fingers in and out.

The motion is creating the lewdest squelching noises Hijikata has heard in at least fifteen months, if ever. He was afraid jerking off in the shower would make it hard to get it up again right away, but his fear is put to rest with the tent that has pitched itself at the front of his robe.

Gintoki looks over his shoulder and says invitingly, “You just gonna stare, or are you going to do something?”

Unable to speak, due to being a strange combination of nervous and excessively turned-on, Hijikata answers silently by untying his robe, pushing it off his shoulders, letting it drop haphazardly to the floor, and stepping toward the bed.

He assumes they’ll start with kissing, so he’s confused when Gintoki pulls a condom from the box and unwraps it. He’s too perplexed to verbalize a response when the condom is rolled onto his hard-on.

Gintoki locks eyes and asks in a sultry voice, “Where do you want me?”

Hijikata is lost. The only way what’s happening makes sense is if they’re going to skip over a lot of important steps. He has extensive fantasies about his and Gintoki’s tongues in each other’s mouths and their hands all over each other’s bodies. He wants to kiss and touch, but thinking about it logically, if Gintoki is skipping straight to the part where there is a condom on a dick, that probably means he has no intention or desire to kiss or engage in foreplay.

He knows he should count himself lucky; he gets to have the man he’s had at least a crush on for who-knows-how-long, in any position he wants. Also, just because they’re moving quickly doesn’t necessarily mean this evening won’t lead to their relationship turning into something more. Still, it seems like a potentially bad sign. At the very least, it’s disappointing.

His disappointment gives way to anxiety when he realizes they’ve skipped to the step he’s never done before. He hopes instinct will take over and guide his dick where it needs to go. He would rather not have anyone see his face while he fumbles through his first time, so he stutters his answer to the question, “H-hands and knees.”

When Gintoki turns around and goes down on all-fours facing away from him, Hijikata’s mind becomes stupid, unable to understand anything other than how bad he wants to put it in. He gets onto the bed on his knees behind Gintoki. He grabs the lube bottle, opens it, and dribbles some of the liquid down the crack in front of him. He just barely has the presence of mind to close the lube bottle before he sets it down and does the one thing he comprehends. He pushes just the head in. Gintoki groans, which shakes Hijikata from his stupor enough to realize it’s a little tight and that he should wait a minute before going any farther.

A few seconds later, Gintoki prompts, “More.”

Hijikata doesn’t have to be told twice. Grasping Gintoki’s hips, he slides the rest of the way in, and his dick is in heaven. He wants to thrust like a madman, but he won’t move until he’s sure Gintoki is ready.

Gintoki groans again, but it sounds more like a pleasured noise and less like a pained noise. He directs, “Move.”

Hijikata slowly pulls only halfway out before pushing in again. The contended exhale that comes from Gintoki’s mouth encourages him to do more. Still going slowly, he pulls nearly all the way out before going back in all the way. The way Gintoki’s hips move seemingly of their own volition, meeting his movements, feels wonderful. He speeds up his thrusts, and his mind goes completely blank, save for the bliss he’s feeling.

After a minute, enough brain power busts through the cloud of ecstasy to remind him there’s another person in the room he should be making feel good. He incrementally changes the angle of his thrusts, to see where Gintoki likes it. He knows he’s found it when Gintoki’s arms give out from underneath him and his face collapses into the bed. He tests out going as deep as he can, and Gintoki moans into the sheets. Satisfied with that response, Hijikata keeps up the same depth and angle, grasping and squeezing the magically muscular-yet-soft, creamy flesh of Gintoki’s ass.

He intends to help Gintoki with his front, to see if he can make them both cum at the same time, but he forgets to when his mind goes blank again, and his field of vision goes white. He neglects everything aside from thrusting furiously, which he continues to do until he climaxes. When his thinking ability returns, he pulls out.

Gintoki turns around and flops down on his back on the other side of the bed. He catches his breath, grins, and points at a spot on the sheets beneath where he just was. “Watch out for the wet spot.”

Hijikata is still euphoric, and the sight of a fresh glob of another man’s cum on the bedsheets in a love hotel strikes him as funny. He laughs.

“Oi, what’s so funny?” Gintoki asks, pouting, as though he’s being laughed at.

Hijikata continues to chuckle as he takes off and disposes of the condom. “Nothing,” he says, “I just didn’t wake up this morning expecting that I would be helping you sully a hotel room tonight.”

Gintoki’s grin returns. “Aren’t you glad you agreed to it?”

Honestly, he’s not sure whether he’s glad or not. The sex was ‘good,’ if one defines ‘good’ as meaning ‘it got both parties off,’ but it wasn’t exactly what he was hoping it would be. “Of course not, idiot,” he answers honestly. He then takes his time smoking another cigarette, delaying the inevitable.

As soon as he puts the cigarette out, Gintoki asks, “Are you ready?”

Hijikata is not ready. He’s really, really unprepared for this, both physically and mentally. He’s terrified. If it wouldn’t be horribly shameful behavior for a grown man, he would cry and beg Gintoki to end the evening right here, but if he did that, he would have to demand seppuku of himself. Plus, it’s just plain embarrassing to admit to being afraid of sex in front of the person who took his dick like a pro a few minutes ago. Instead of answering the question directly, he looks at the stiffie between Gintoki’s legs and gripes, “Why couldn’t you be smaller?”

Gintoki smirks and says, “Ah, you like what you see, Oogushi-kun? Of course you do.”

“ _Tch_. Shut up.”

As hard as Hijikata is trying to hide his fear, Gintoki must pick up on it, because he says patronizingly, “We’re about the same size, and I survived yours. You’ll be fine. Gin-san said he would be gentle, didn’t he? Now, where do you want to be?”

Hijikata again thinks avoiding letting his face be seen would be best, so he gets on the bed on his hands and knees. Gintoki takes his position behind him. He hopes and prays for Gintoki to go slow, but his hopes are shattered when two slick fingers dive inside him. He has a high tolerance for pain, so he would hate to describe the sensation as ‘painful’; he might admit to it feeling really fucking uncomfortable. Gintoki twists the fingers as he moves them in and out, and Hijikata does everything in his power to relax.

Gintoki continues with his stretching motions for another minute before he apparently deems Hijikata ready for the real thing, pulling his fingers out and putting a condom on himself.

Hijikata feels a generous amount of lube being applied to him. He focuses on relaxing every muscle south of his waist. He focuses on breathing slow, steady breaths. He focuses on reassuring himself he can do this.

All of his focus goes completely to hell when something that feels like it has the girth of an adult human thigh breaks through the ring of muscle. He cranes his neck to look behind him, just to make sure Gintoki isn’t playing a practical joke and stuffing both fists inside him. To his relief and dismay at how much it fucking hurts, he verifies it really is just Gintoki’s cock going inside him, and it isn’t even halfway in.

Gintoki reaches around and starts stroking Hijikata’s flaccid cock again. “Relax, Hijikata-kun. It feels like your ass is trying to slice my dick off.”

Hijikata gets perverse satisfaction from the discomfort in Gintoki’s voice. He faces forward again, closes his eyes, and relaxes. He becomes slightly-less-miserable as Gintoki continues to stroke, and he starts getting hard again. When Gintoki thumbs the head of his cock, his hips involuntarily jerk backward. The sudden increased depth hurts, but it also allows Gintoki’s dick far enough inside to hit a couple spots that feel really good. After a few seconds, he adjusts to the depth and the stretch, and the pain almost completely subsides.

Gintoki continues to rhythmically massage his length as he slowly pushes the rest of the way in. Once again, the pain fairly quickly subsides, giving way to mere discomfort, but then Gintoki starts thrusting, and holy fuck, the pain is off-the-charts.

Hijikata’s hands clench the sheets so tightly, his knuckles turn white. He wants to scream, and not out of pleasure. He bites his bottom lip so hard, he thinks his teeth might pierce all the way through it. It feels like a gigantic cooking utensil the size of the Terminal is stuffed inside him and scrambling his organs.

He focuses on the feeling of the hand that’s still kindly stroking his cock, and that helps with the pain. He bears with it for a minute and is thankful to find that the pain is mostly gone. It still feels very strange, but it doesn’t feel ‘bad’ per se.

Now that he isn’t overtaken with pain, he has the coherent thought that he’s connected to the person for whom he has as-yet-unidentified feelings, in a way he never thought he would be. It’s that thought, more than the spots inside him that tingle with pleasure every time they are hit with Gintoki’s dick, and more than the expert strokes of Gintoki’s hand, that pushes him toward orgasm.

Gintoki redoubles his efforts with his hand, which makes Hijikata cum, muttering curses and spurting white onto the already-dirty part of the bedsheets.

Gintoki finishes shortly thereafter and pulls out.

Hijikata turns over and lies on his back on the clean part of the bed.

Gintoki pulls the condom off and tosses it toward the trash can next to the bed. Hijikata can hear that his shot missed entirely. He assumes the condom is leaking his ejaculate out onto the carpet. He then grins and flops down on his back on the bed next to Hijikata.

Gintoki cringes, and Hijikata looks over at him like he’s an idiot and asks, “Did you forget that we both came on that side of the bed?”

With a disgusted shudder that belies the truth, Gintoki answers, “N-no! I’ve heard semen is really good for the skin, so I laid down in it on purpose.”

Hijikata doesn’t buy that, and he doesn’t feel sorry for him, after the pain he put him through tonight. “Right. Well, I’m going to use the shower first.” He stands up and walks to the bathroom. He’s pleased to find that he’s able to walk basically normally, though he suspects he’ll wake up sore tomorrow. He showers quickly, just rinsing various fluids from his skin. When he comes back out, Gintoki is already dressed and about to walk out the door.

Gintoki scratches the back of his neck nervously, giving all appearances of having intended to be gone before Hijikata was done showering. Hijikata can practically hear the wheels turning as Gintoki anxiously scrambles for something to say. “So, uh…that was…that was fun. Let me know if you want to do it again. I…I guess I’ll see you around.”

Hijikata doesn’t know how to reply to that. He tries to keep his disappointment from being obvious in his tone as he says, “Yeah.” He turns away from the door, so he doesn’t have to watch Gintoki walk out.

He wanted to think tonight would be the start of something more between them, but he doesn’t blame Gintoki for his hurt feelings. Gintoki did nothing to indicate he was interested in anything more than meaningless, casual sex; he only got the hotel room for an hour, and they didn’t kiss once. Hijikata knew better than to get his hopes up, so the pain he’s feeling is on him.

It seems Gintoki is open to hooking up again. Hijikata’s brain tells him that might be all the better he will ever get out of Gintoki and that he should take it, but his heart wants more. He’s going to need some time to think things over before he decides whether or not to settle for being fuck buddies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The past two chapters contain ten ejaculations and zero kisses. An argument could be made this is the perverted fanfic author’s fault, but I prefer to blame the emotionally-clueless protagonist. Feel free to share your opinion in the comments.


	4. Interpreter Rendezvous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~~There’s no point in even having a summary. This chapter is just the same damn sex scene from the previous chapter.~~
> 
> ~~No, it isn’t! It’s completely different!!!~~
> 
> Gin-san sends another D-mail, which makes Hijikata’s first time hooking up with him (the second time through) in no way resemble anything presented in the previous chapter.

\---   ---   ---

**α (0.523299): Day 15 (Monday)**

Gintoki becomes increasingly discontented in the aftermath of the twenty-some-odd minutes he spent in a love hotel with his _problem_ (Hijikata).

Three nights later, after Kagura is asleep, he gets a Dk Pepper from the refrigerator and sits down on the couch, determined to figure out exactly what went wrong and what he might do about it.

As he recalls that night, he realizes how similar it was to a one-night stand with a stranger. Everything about it was impersonal, down to the sex positions they used. They took each other from behind, as if purposefully avoiding potential opportunities to make a meaningful connection. When it was Hijikata’s turn on top, aside from being inside Gintoki, he didn’t touch Gintoki at all.

The encounter was _empty_.

It particularly disappoints him that they didn’t kiss. His D-mail didn’t specifically say to kiss Hijikata, but that was the intended outcome. Being unable to remember their _actual_ first time hooking up, he’s left to wonder if they’ve _ever_ kissed. Did his past self try to kiss Hijikata and get rejected? That seems unlikely, given that Past Gin-san got Hijikata to have sex with him.

Did Past Gin-san walk up to Hijikata and say something really fucking stupid, like, _‘You wanna go somewhere?’_

…That wouldn’t have happened, right?

_…Right???_

He pictures himself asking Hijikata that really fucking stupid question, in a smarmy voice, while smirking like a cocky motherfucker, and he knows this is his fault. He facepalms. Shit! Past Gin-san is such a fuck-up! Past Gin-san probably treated Hijikata like a random, anonymous hookup. He must have been too nervous to think straight and went into picking-up-a-stranger autopilot mode.

Luckily, Present Gin-san owns a machine capable of fixing what Past Gin-san screwed up. Before he can do that, though, he has to answer a difficult question: What does he want from Hijikata? He knows what he _doesn’t_ want, and that’s to be as Hijikata described them, as fuck buddies. He wants to kiss. He wants to touch. Hijikata is super hot and good between the sheets. It would be a shame to have a sexual relationship with him with no kissing or foreplay.

It turns out what he wants from Hijikata is just that simple; he wants to upgrade their relationship status from ‘quarrelsome acquaintances who are fuck buddies on the side’ to ‘quarrelsome acquaintances with benefits.’

Leveling-up their relationship seems like it should be as easy as sending a D-mail that says _“Kiss him!”_  but Past Gin-San needs a lot of hand-holding, or else he fucks up even the simplest of tasks. Present Gin-san composes a text message that incorporates as much instruction as he can fit within the character limit. It reads: _“Kiss him! Be friends with benefits.”_

Deciding _how far back_ to send the D-mail is tricky. Talking Hijikata into going to a love hotel must have been quite the feat, and he doesn’t want to risk derailing such an achievement. Shortly after they arrived at the hotel seems like the best timing.

Now that he knows what he wants to say and when he wants his past self to receive the message, he sees no reason to delay. He sets his Dk Pepper on the coffee table and goes to the kitchen. He calculates the number of hours since they got to the hotel room Friday before last and follows the steps for sending a D-mail. When he presses Start on the microwave and Send on the phone, electricity flies everywhere, and the whole universe shakes.

 

**α (0.523299): Day 15 (Monday)**

**< <<   <<<   <<<**

**α (0.523299): Day 5 (Friday)**

As Hijikata washes the day’s sweat and street dust off his body and out of his hair, he realizes he’s not going to last long in bed if he doesn’t rub one out. While he takes care of that, he thinks he hears his phone beep out in the hotel room. It was a beep and not an anime song, which means it’s just a text message and not a phone call, but the text might be urgent and work-related, in which case he can use it as an excuse to get out of this nerve-wracking situation of having sex with Yorozuya for the first time.

Just in case his ears were mistaken, he quickly utilizes the handheld shower head to get his backside extra clean. He turns off the shower, steps out, towels off, and puts the robe back on.

When he goes out into the room, Gintoki is sitting on the bed, wearing a robe, looking at a smartphone, with an oddly pensive look on his face.

Hijikata is confused. “That wasn’t my phone I heard?”

“Nope, it was mine.”

Since when does this technology-illiterate guy even own such a device? Still confused, he asks, “ _You_ have a cell phone?”

Grinning, Gintoki holds the shiny new smartphone out for Hijikata to see. “You like?”

Hijikata responds sarcastically, “I never thought I’d see you join the Edo Period with the rest of us.”

The perm with dead-fish-eyes strokes his chin thoughtfully, as though he’s having an epiphany. “Ah, I see. The man with the flip phone is jealous of my kick-ass smartphone.”

“Shut up. I happen to like my phone,” Hijikata defends himself.

“I’m sure you like all kinds of things that were bought for you with the public’s money,” Gintoki counters dismissively. He then asks, “Can I have your phone number, tax thief? I’ll give you mine.”

Hijikata thinks being able to keep an electronic leash on Shiroyasha seems like a good idea, so he says, “Yeah, ok.”

They exchange phone numbers. Hijikata saves Gintoki’s number in his contacts list under the name Sugar Freak.

Gintoki suddenly stands up, walks over to Hijikata, grabs the phone from his hand, and sets it and his phone down on the dresser.

Hijikata is about to yell at him for touching his phone, but he’s severely distracted by Gintoki’s face closing in on his. He wishes he understood why he’s so drawn to this man. For now, he’s content to set that question aside and relish the feeling of the soft lips that are pressing against his and the hands that are wrapping around him. Rather than feeling weirded out that Gintoki’s naked body is only separated from his by the fabric of two robes, their bodies being so close only feels completely natural. He puts his arms around Gintoki’s back and pulls him closer.

He opens his mouth slightly to give a contented sigh and is met with Gintoki’s mouth opening. He’s ashamed of the lewd fantasies he’s had that involve this man’s tongue, but not so ashamed that he won’t try to bring his fantasies to life. He puts his tongue in Gintoki’s mouth and slowly moves it around Gintoki’s tongue, getting a feel for every part of it. He then pulls his tongue back, teasingly luring Gintoki’s tongue into his mouth. Once it’s there, he closes his lips around it and gently sucks on it, savoring the taste. Other than the lingering hint of bubblegum-flavored toothpaste designed for use by people at least two decades younger than Gintoki, he tastes good; a little sweet for Hijikata’s palate, but not overwhelming.

Several minutes into their kiss, Hijikata wishes Gintoki had gotten the room for longer than an hour, because he thinks he could spend an hour just kissing him. He feels like he has suffered a severe loss when the kiss is broken and the warm body he was holding suddenly moves away from him. The negative feeling soon dissipates as he watches Gintoki walk over to the bed, dropping his robe to the floor on the way. Gintoki lies down and gives him bedroom eyes. Well, far be it from him not to come when beckoned.

He unties his robe, pushes it off his shoulders and lets it fall haphazardly to the floor as he walks to the bed, and lies on his side next to Gintoki. He spends a minute just gazing at Gintoki’s body. It’s beautiful. The skin is the creamiest he’s ever seen, made only more appealing by the many scars it’s covered in, at least one of which is from a wound he inflicted. What little body hair Gintoki has is as white as the hair on his head. His small light-pink nipples are adorable.

He gets caught ogling. Gintoki asks, “Are you just going to stare, or are you going to do something?”

Hijikata chooses the ‘do something’ option. He kisses Gintoki again and runs a hand down his side, feeling his muscular shoulder and arm, the small amount of love handle that’s likely the result of eating candy and ice cream, and his soft, wonderful ass. A warm feeling flows through his body as Gintoki’s fingers make contact with his bare skin.

He climbs on top of Gintoki and deepens the kiss. The throbbing hard-on he’s sporting makes him rethink the idea that he could spend an hour kissing. He just got off in the shower, but he’s already in need of release again. Unconsciously rutting against Gintoki brings attention to his arousal.

Gintoki breaks the kiss to ask, “You’ve never prepped a guy, right?”

Hijikata is excited to move on to the stuff he hasn’t done before, if not a bit nervous. He feels a blush come over his face as he shakes his head no.

“All right. Get off me for a second, virgin.”

Hijikata moves to the other side of the bed.

Gintoki puts a pillow under his lower back. He then makes space for Hijikata between his legs and motions for him to come over and sit down.

Hijikata sits on folded legs between Gintoki’s knees, and Gintoki puts his ankles on Hijikata’s shoulders. The view would be unbearably arousing if Hijikata wasn’t so focused on the task at hand.

Gintoki talks him through stretching a guy out, giving general pointers along the way, like, “Pay attention to how tight it feels. If it’s a tight fit for your fingers, nothing bigger will fit comfortably.”

Doing as taught, Hijikata adds a lubricated finger at a time. Inside Gintoki feels warm and soft. The mere notion that his fingers are _inside_ _Gintoki_ amazes him.

When he gets to three fingers, Gintoki coaches, “If he looks like he’s feeling discomfort, or if he goes soft, slow down and distract him with your other hand.”

Hijikata is grateful for the coaching. He was so fixated on what he was doing, he failed to notice Gintoki is no longer erect. He goes slow and easy with the fingers that are inside and gently pumps the soft length. Within a minute, Gintoki is hard again, and Hijikata has three fingers all the way in. The adorable little aroused noises Gintoki is making and the look of 96% pleasure and 4% pain on his face are a total fucking turn-on.

Gintoki seems ready, so he pulls his fingers out slowly. He takes the ankles off his shoulders and gently sets them on the bed on either side of him. He kisses his way up Gintoki’s torso, starting from his muscular abs, up his chest and the side of his neck, and tastes his lips and tongue again.

The man below him kisses back, then asks, “Where do you want me?”

If Hijikata wasn’t already excessively turned-on, the sensual tone in which the question is asked would have gotten him there. He thinks about the question. He wants to see Gintoki’s face, and he wants them to be able to kiss, but he’s not sure facing each other is a good idea. This is his first time. What if he’s terrible at it? What if he sees boredom or some other unimpressed look on Gintoki’s face? He weighs the benefits of facing each other and decides they outweigh the potential drawbacks. “Right where you are?” he requests timidly.

The corner of Gintoki’s mouth curls up. He sits up, grabs the condoms and lube from the nightstand, and tears a condom wrapper open.

Hijikata has the urge to thrust into Gintoki’s hands as he puts the condom on, but he catches himself before he justifies Gintoki calling him a virgin.

Once the condom is in place, Gintoki puts his hand at the nape of Hijikata’s neck and pulls him in for a quick kiss. He hands the lube bottle to Hijikata, lies down, puts his legs back on Hijikata’s shoulders, and says with a grin, “Enjoy.”

Hijikata would love to, but he’s nervous, aroused and overwhelmed. He stares stupidly at the lube bottle in his hand for a second.

Apparently, it was more than just a second, because Gintoki lifts his head and asks, “What’s the hold-up?”

“I, um…,” Hijikata blushes and admits, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Legs still on Hijikata’s shoulders, Gintoki takes the lube bottle, cracks it open, and lubricates the parts that need it. He closes the bottle, sets it down, and goes back into teaching mode. “Slowly ease just the head in, and give your partner a minute to adjust.”

Hijikata takes a deep breath and follows Gintoki’s direction.

Once he’s all the way in, Gintoki speaks, “Before you move…” Hijikata looks at his face with concern that he’s doing something wrong, but Gintoki smirks and finishes his sentence, “…kiss me.”

That sounds like a deal only a moron would pass up. Gintoki lifts his head up, meeting him halfway, and they lock lips, sharing a slow, wet kiss. Facing each other was indeed the correct choice. Kissing and penetration each feel great on their own, but doing both at once creates an amalgam of visceral pleasure and raw emotion that pulses through Hijikata's entire body.

Gintoki breaks the kiss, gives Hijikata the sexiest look he’s ever seen, and says in a purr, “Fuck me.”

Hijikata thanks the gods for giving him the foresight to jack off in the shower, or else those words alone would have made him cum. He wants to give the man what he asked for, so he gives a hesitant first thrust.

When the next several thrusts are also hesitant and awkward, Gintoki points out, “I’m not fragile. You don’t have to be so cautious.”

The point is well-taken. For the first time ever, Hijikata is having sex with someone who’s as strong as he is, if not stronger. He puts more gusto into his thrusts, and it pays off right away. He’s entranced by the look of pleasure on Gintoki’s face and the way his hips are moving, seemingly of their own volition, wordlessly begging for more. He wishes he could get deeper. He shifts around clumsily, but he can only go so deep in the missionary position.

Gintoki notices what he’s doing and provides further coaching. “If you want to change positions, make it happen.” The vacant look on Hijikata’s face must clue Gintoki in that he doesn’t comprehend how he would go about doing that, so he elaborates, “Where do you want me? On my stomach? On my side? Move me around. I’m not some fussy girl. You don’t have to ask politely before putting me somewhere that makes it easier for you to make me feel good.”

Hijikata pictures Gintoki in the positions he mentioned. The mental image of him on his side, with his legs stretched open, is particularly appealing. He inelegantly grabs the ankles that are on his shoulders and pulls them where they would need to be.

Gintoki gets the hint. He rolls partway onto his left side, with his back off the bed at a 45-degree angle and his right leg at Hijikata’s shoulder level. “Like this?”

Oh, shit. It’s even hotter in real life than it was when he pictured it. “Y-yeah,” he stammers. He straddles the left leg and slings the right leg over his right shoulder, holding the thigh in place against his torso with one hand. He awkwardly shuffles forward and puts it in again. It takes a minute for him to get accustomed to the new position, but once he does, it’s worth any awkwardness in getting there. The new position makes it easy to open Gintoki wide and go deep.

He tries out various combinations of angle and depth, watching Gintoki’s face for the effect each has. Once he finds one that makes Gintoki look like he’s about to melt, he sticks with it for a while.

When he feels himself nearing climax, he tries to help Gintoki up front, but reaching for Gintoki’s cock causes him to lose concentration and stop moving his hips. This is the most complicated sex position he has ever used, and he doesn’t yet have the coordination to multitask.

Gintoki waves Hijikata’s hand away and encourages, “I’ll take care of that. You just do what you’re doing. Also, do what you’re doing faster.”

Hijikata does as asked and thrusts fast. It feels good for him, but hearing Gintoki’s moans and seeing the pleasure on his face is what ultimately triggers his orgasm.

When he gets his cognitive functions back, he verifies that Gintoki came as well. He pulls out and releases Gintoki from the uncomfortable position he had him in.

Neither of them speaks for the minute it takes them to catch their breath. The sex was good. It was really, really good. Hijikata hadn’t expected anything good to come of being propositioned by a lazy, sadistic lecher in front of a broken sex-toy vending machine. It blows his mind that what seemed like a poor decision on his part has turned out so well.

He doesn’t want to be overly-optimistic, but he wonders if tonight is the start of his and Gintoki’s relationship turning into something more. He smiles at the thought.

Gintoki notices and asks, with a smirk, “What are you smiling about?”

Using tossing the condom into the trash can as an excuse to turn his face away for a second, he answers half-truthfully, “Nothing. I just didn’t wake up this morning expecting I would be doing this with you tonight.”

When he turns back around, Gintoki sits up, wraps his arms around his waist, kisses him on the lips, then grins and says, “Aren’t you glad you agreed to it?”

“Of course not,” Hijikata answers, forcing an unconvincing frown onto his face.

Gintoki pulls him closer, until he is sitting on his lap, facing toward him, crotch-to-crotch.

They kiss again, and it is as electric as the sex they just had. Hijikata takes the opportunity to fulfill his fantasy of touching every part of Gintoki’s body. He gently runs fingers through his hair. When he was living in Gintoki’s body, he hated dealing with an unruly head of thick, coarse hair, but feeling it now, it’s soft and touchable.

He runs his hands down Gintoki’s neck, to his upper back. Gintoki’s back and shoulders are all muscle. It’s impressive, because he knows Gintoki does zero formal training, which means his muscles are the product of real-life hard work.

He brings his hands up his back and then runs them down his chest, which is just as muscular. He wanted to touch Gintoki’s nipples the moment he laid eyes on them, so he does, albeit timidly. They are made of the softest skin he has ever touched. The way the nipples perk up and a subtle hum of a moan from Gintoki increase his courage. He takes the tiny nubs between the pads of his thumbs and index fingers and lightly rolls circles around them.

He stops when he notices Gintoki’s hands have made their way to his ass-cheeks. He’s scared. He breaks the kiss to beg, “Please…Be nice to me. It’s my first time.”

“Yes, yes, Hijikata-kun. Gin-san said he would be gentle, didn’t he?”

“No, I mean…” Hijikata is embarrassed to death to admit precisely how little experience he has. “It’s my first time…ever…”

“Like… _ever_ ever?” Raising a disbelieving eyebrow, Gintoki asks, “Are you serious? You’ve never even played with yourself back there?”

Hijikata blushes and looks away, shaking his head no. Obviously, he would have if he had known in advance what was about to happen.

“All right; don’t worry. We’ll take as long as we need to get you ready,” Gintoki assures.

Gintoki seems sincere, so Hijikata nods. When Gintoki lubes up a finger and massages the skin around his hole, he can’t help but tense up.

“Relax, Hijikata-kun, and don’t forget to breathe. This will be no fun if you pass out.”

Hijikata lets out a jerky exhale of the breath he’d been holding for at least a minute and inhales normally, taking calm breaths in and out.

“Hold onto me. Both of my hands are going to be busy.”

Hijikata puts his arms around the back of Gintoki’s neck.

Gintoki wraps his left hand around his cock and his right hand around his backside. He presses the pad of his middle finger directly on top of his hole.

Hijikata gasps at the feeling of being touched in two sensitive places simultaneously.

Gintoki kisses him again and strokes him, slow and steady. His slick finger slowly breaks through the ring of muscle.

While it feels very strange, it isn’t painful, and the fulfillment of Hijikata’s long-standing fantasy of making out with Gintoki keeps his mind off any discomfort.

Gintoki works with one finger for several minutes, then he breaks the kiss and asks, “How are you doing, virgin? Ready for another finger?”

“Yeah,” Hijikata answers breathily, before forcefully reclaiming Gintoki’s tongue as his new favorite personal possession.

Gintoki adds a second finger. He moves the pair of fingers in and out, slow and shallow, getting Hijikata used to the sensation of being penetrated. As he gradually works the fingers farther in, he accelerates the movement of his left hand.

What Gintoki is doing with his hands draws Hijikata closer and closer to climax. He involuntarily rocks his hips, pushing Gintoki’s fingers far enough inside to brush a couple sensitive spots he was unaware existed. He breaks the kiss to moan out an _“Ahh!”_

Gintoki tilts his head forward, puts his lips next to Hijikata’s ear, and whispers, “Cum for me, Hijikata-kun.”

The sensual words and hot breath against his skin put him over the edge. He mutters a string of curses as he cums all over Gintoki’s hand. Before he recovers from his orgasm, Gintoki pulls his fingers out, wringing another moan from him.

Hijikata continues to embrace Gintoki while he catches his breath. Once he does, he realizes he has cum twice but Gintoki has only cum once. He assumes the inequity will be rectified with him being bottomed hard.

Thus, it surprises him when Gintoki puts his arms around him, carefully avoiding touching him with his hands, one of which has jizz all over it and the other of which has lube all over it, and says, “Our hour is up.” Hijikata is momentarily disappointed, until Gintoki adds, with a confident smirk, “We’ll have to do the rest next time.”

Gintoki gets up and washes his hands, which reminds Hijikata where his fingers were earlier, so he washes his hands as well.

The two men get dressed and go to the elevator. During the elevator ride down from the fifth floor, Hijikata thinks it would be nice if they could meet up again tomorrow night, but he doesn’t want to say so and sound overly-eager. The battle between his desires and his pride is decided as they walk out the front doors of the hotel together, when he asks, “Tomorrow night?”

Gintoki grins. “Meet you out front at midnight, virgin.”

Hijikata walks to the barracks, reflecting on the evening. Gintoki was surprisingly patient and made sure he felt nothing but good every step of the way. He would like to believe that means what they shared was more meaningful than a casual fuck for Gintoki. Even if their more-than-friends relationship starts out casual, Hijikata is ok with that, because being friends with benefits gives him the opportunity to deepen his connection with the person for whom he has as-yet-unidentified feelings.

He can’t wait for tomorrow night. He smiles like the unwilling-to-admit-to-being-lovestruck idiot he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [You, probably] Is anything ever going to happen in this story, or is it just porn?
> 
> [Me] Stuff is totally going to happen!
> 
> [You, probably] I'll believe it when I see it.
> 
> [Me] …That's fair.


	5. Starmine Rendezvous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki finds out how (proverbially) thirsty Hijikata is. The fanfic author continues to demonstrate a lack of knowledge regarding how Japanese love hotels work (they aren’t hourly, as it turns out). If you could pretend you didn’t know either, that would make me feel better. Thanks.

**β (1.130205): Day 5 (Friday)**

**> >>   >>>   >>>**

**β (1.130205): Day 15 (Monday)**

The microwave’s lightning zaps subside. The universe stops shaking around Gintoki. He steps out into the living room, to make sure the ruckus didn’t wake Kagura.

When he verifies she’s still asleep, he goes back to the kitchen to evaluate the results of his D-mail. Nothing in his memory of the last two Friday nights has changed; he remembers having dissatisfying, meaningless sex with Hijikata Friday night, and in his memory of the Friday before, he was too drunk to make a move on Hijikata. He checks his phone and sees the outgoing text message a minute ago and the same text as incoming ten days ago. The number at the top of the screen has changed again, this time from 0.523299 to 1.130205. He’s starting to suspect the number is related to his having sent a D-mail.

He pulls the user’s guide from the kitchen’s junk drawer. As he flips through the guide, he sees a page with a diagram of the phone, labeling various parts of the hardware and display. The number’s label says:

_Divergence Meter. See page 11 for more info._

Page 11 reads:

_ Divergence Meter _

_The divergence meter gauges the position of the current world line in relation to the Steins Gate world line._

_For more information on world lines, see page 13._

Gah, he hates this stupid user’s guide. He turns to page 13, which says:

_ World Lines _

_A world line is one of the infinite possible iterations of the universe._

_It should be noted that, while there are infinite possible world lines, the outcomes of world lines are finite, as they are influenced by attractor fields, which…_

Mid-sentence, he stops reading. The section continues on for several paragraphs, but he has already lost interest in reading any more pseudo-science technobabble. He gets up and throws the guide back in the junk drawer.

He gathers from the two-and-a-half sentences he read that a change in the number at the top of the phone’s screen means a successful change to the past, or a move to a different ‘world line,’ if he’s forced to use the jargon from the guide. Now the question is _how_ the past was changed. It’s almost midnight, so he decides he will wander out tomorrow, find Hijikata, and see if he can get a feel for whether they are something better than fuck buddies.

For now, he will read last week’s _JUMP_ for the third time. He sits down on the couch again, sipping his Dk Pepper, and starts reading. His phone beeps. He looks at the screen and sees an alert for a new text message from a ‘Mayo-sama.’ _Something_ must have changed, because he doesn’t remember exchanging cell phone numbers with the only person who can rightly be called Mayo-sama.

He takes a swig of Dk Pepper as he reads the message, which says, _“I’m running late because of work. Should be there in 10 minutes. Text me the room number.”_

In his panic, he inhales half of the mouthful of Dk Pepper, causing him to cough uncontrollably and spit the other half out all over his _JUMP_. Last he knew, he had plans to meet Hijikata at the Sun Hotel four days from now, but apparently on this new world line, they have plans to meet right now.

Leaving the soda-soaked manga on the couch, he rushes to the entryway, hurriedly puts his boots on, and runs out the door. Halfway down the steps, he remembers he left his wallet in his room. He rushes back inside, grabs his wallet, along with lube and condoms, and feels guilty about leaving a slumbering Kagura alone in the middle of the night. He scribbles a note saying, “Will be back by 2 am. -Gin,” and sticks the note to the refrigerator with an Otsu magnet.

Out the door, down the stairs, and toward the Sun Hotel, he sprints. He hopes that’s where he’s supposed to be. If not, he will likely have an angry mayonnaise prince blowing up his phone in about fifteen minutes.

He gets to the hotel, pulls out his wallet, and notices he’s very low on cash. Whoever stole money from his wallet is going to get hell rained down on them. Paying for the room for an hour leaves a measly three-hundred yen in his wallet. He texts the room number to Mayo-sama during the elevator ride.

Once in the room, he takes a super-fast shower. Thankfully, he was already ‘clean’ for the purposes of what they’re going to do, so he just rinses off the sweat from his sprint. It would be nice if he could jerk off once, but he simply doesn’t have time. There’s a light knock on the door as he steps out of the shower. He swipes the wettest parts of his body with a towel, which he then wraps around his waist. He walks to the door and opens it, doing his best to act like he’s been in the hotel room for more than two minutes.

Hijikata steps into the room and closes the door.

Since he said he was running late because of work, Gintoki assumes Hijikata will want to shower before they do anything fun, so he’s surprised when he is immediately pushed up against the door and a tongue is plunged into his mouth. From his perspective, it’s their first kiss, but nothing about it feels like a first kiss. It’s scorching and needy, and it’s setting his entire body on fire.

He responds eagerly to the kiss, elated to be fulfilling his fantasy of licking the tobacco flavor directly from the insides of his _problem’s_ teeth. He’s glad Hijikata didn’t shower right away, because he smells of sweat and hard work, and it’s turning him on like crazy. He wraps his arms around Hijikata’s back and pulls him close.

Hijikata shows no hesitation in touching Gintoki. His hands are all over him: feeling up his arms, running through his hair, and playing with his nipples.

Gintoki gasps at the stimulation, which only serves to open his mouth wider, giving Hijikata access to shove his tongue farther in.

Hijikata runs his right hand down Gintoki’s stomach, and he doesn’t stop when he reaches the towel around his waist. The towel drops to the floor when his hand slides under the fold that was holding it up. He wraps his hand around Gintoki’s half-chub and strokes it to full hardness. He breaks the kiss and drops to his knees.

Gintoki slaps both hands over his mouth to keep from screaming in pleasure when his entire cock is engulfed by a mouth. Now he’s sorry he didn’t get himself off in the shower, because Hijikata knows exactly what to do with his tongue and hands, and he’s already about to unload down the man’s throat. He takes his hands off his mouth so he can try to warn him he’s about to cum. “ _Ahh, haa, haa,_ Hiji--,” he starts, but it’s too late. Hijikata cups his balls at the same time as the tip of his dick hits the back of his throat just right, and it’s all over.

Gintoki expects the next thing that happens to be Hijikata murdering him slowly and painfully for ejaculating in his mouth, but instead, he calmly swallows, stands up, and apologizes. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Uh…,” Gintoki’s mind races to improvise a convincing response. He waves off the apology. “It’s ok. I was running late myself.”

As Hijikata undresses, he catches Gintoki staring and gives a satisfied smirk, like he knows exactly what his body does to him.

While Hijikata showers, Gintoki tries to get his brain to catch up with the changes his D-mail made. All he did was tell his past self to kiss him and be a friend with benefits, and those words not only made them decide to hook up again sooner (granted, the ‘last time’ they hooked up didn’t happen on this world line), it also caused Hijikata’s attitude to do a 180. He was grumpy as fuck last time they were together (which, as noted, never happened on this world line), but he’s in a good mood tonight. Actually, ‘good mood’ is an understatement, to the point of being inaccurate; Past Gin-san apparently unleashed Hijikata’s inner erotic beast.

Speaking of which, the erotic beast may want to pound him hard as soon as he’s out of the shower, so he better prep himself. Luckily, the mayonnaise man seems to be taking a leisurely shower, so he still has time. He lies on his side on the bed and fingers himself to a fantasy makeout session, enhanced by his newly-acquired real-life knowledge. His fantasized kisses with Hijikata were always a ten out of ten, but their first (from his perspective) kiss was a twelve on a scale of one to ten.

Lost in his fantasy, he doesn’t notice Hijikata is out of the shower until he feels a finger that isn’t his, joining his fingers inside him. He opens his eyes to a nude Hijikata hovering over him.

Giving wicked bedroom eyes, Hijikata offers, “I got this.”

Gintoki swallows down his shock at seeing a naked Hijikata acting so smooth and confident. The man is oozing sexuality. He takes his own fingers out and lets Hijikata see to his preparation, which frees both of his arms to pull him close and rekindle the fiery kiss from earlier. The previous world line’s Past Gin-san was a fucking idiot to pass up the opportunity to kiss Hijikata. It’s amazing. He doesn’t want their tongues to be apart ever again, so he’s disappointed when the fingers are pulled out, the kiss is broken, and he’s ordered, “Get on your stomach.”

He’ll be upset if this turns out just like last time, with Hijikata not touching him and only pounding away fast. Still, if that’s how Hijikata wants to take him, he won’t complain, because adding kissing to the mix has already made this hook-up a million times better than the last one. He rolls over.

Hijikata takes care of the condom and lube, then lines up with his ass and slides in slowly, gentle hands at Gintoki’s shoulder blades. He takes his time and starts out slow, bending forward and placing soft kisses on Gintoki’s neck, ear and shoulder. He slides his hands underneath his chest and plays with his nipples.

Gintoki cums hard when Hijikata goes fast while pinching his nipples and sucking his earlobe.

Hijikata finishes. The smirk on his face can be felt as he murmurs into Gintoki’s ear, “ _Mmm_ , that was a nice response.” He then gets up to dispose of the condom and smoke a cigarette.

Gintoki would throw out a comeback to Hijikata’s remark, but the man is right. Being fucked by Hijikata wasn’t bad, but being kissed, touched _and_ fucked by Hijikata is breathtaking. He couldn’t help moaning like a whore. He continues to lie on his stomach, so he can hide the fact that he’s smiling like an idiot.

After Hijikata finishes his cigarette and puts it out, he lightly slaps Gintoki’s ass and says, “Roll over.”

Gintoki rolls onto his back on the clean side of the bed. Pouting, he whines, “You’re so bossy, Hijikata-kun.”

Standing next to the bed, Hijikata lubes himself up, rolls a condom on Gintoki, and says, matter-of-fact, “Yeah, I am. Don’t act like you didn’t know that before you started fucking me.”

When Hijikata climbs onto the bed and straddles Gintoki, the silver-haired man is too shocked to breathe, much less fire back a retort. Is Hijikata about to ride him? Is his number one Demon-Vice-Chief-fucking fantasy about to come true? The question is answered when Hijikata, who must have prepped himself in the shower, slowly lowers himself onto his erection, closed eyelids fluttering with pain and pleasure.

Gintoki internally screams ecstatically when Hijikata takes the whole thing inside then leans over, careful to keep Gintoki from slipping out from inside him, and kisses him. Is this really happening, or is he dreaming? If it’s a dream, it’s awfully lifelike. He caresses the soft skin of Hijikata’s back, hips and thighs. He touches his hair and face, and they all feel like the real thing. If he was a more considerate person, he would send a thank-you note to the shopkeeper at the Earth Defense Base Recycle Shop for selling him the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) and making his reality better than his wildest fantasies.

Detangling his tongue from Gintoki’s, Hijikata kisses his way along his jawline, to his ear, flicking his tongue inside and making Gintoki gasp. He continues to kiss down the side of his neck. When he rolls his hips subtly and softly sucks on the tender flesh where neck meets shoulder, Gintoki moans and silently thanks Past Gin-san for his role in setting up this encounter.

Hijikata releases the skin from his lips and sits upright, groaning quietly as Gintoki’s cock goes deeper inside him. He gives himself a second to get acclimated, then he starts moving. As he picks up speed, he leans back, digging his fingers into Gintoki’s thighs for balance.

Hijikata’s eyes are closed, and his mouth is open slightly, taking uneven breaths in and out. He has a sheen of sweat on his body, and his erection bounces as he moves up and down. Gintoki just watches him for a few minutes, letting his eyes take in the sexiest, most arousing thing they’ve ever seen.

Gintoki hates to disrupt what the man with the sweaty v-shaped bangs is doing, but he has an overwhelming urge to move his hips. He indulges his hips’ impulse and thrusts up slightly, in sync with Hijikata’s movement.

That gets a breathy, impassioned _“Aaah”_ from Hijikata, so Gintoki does it again.

“ _Mmm_ more,” Hijikata moans out.

Gintoki takes over the hard work, holding Hijikata’s hips steady with his hands as he thrusts up into him.

Hijikata jerks himself to completion, muttering curses. The tremors that roll through his body reverberate through Gintoki’s, bringing him off as well.

It takes them a few minutes to catch their breath and come down from their orgasms.

As Hijikata gingerly pulls up off him, Gintoki runs his fingers through his own hair and finds the blob of stickiness he thought he saw shoot off in that direction a minute ago. He teases, “Wow, you must have really been feeling it. You shot Oogushi-kun swimmers all the way up into my hair.”

Hijikata doesn’t deny it; he merely gives a _humph_ in response.

While Hijikata gets up and smokes another cigarette, Gintoki goes to the bathroom, takes care of the condom, and cleans up. He comes back out to the room and starts getting ready to leave.

Hijikata notices him getting dressed and objects, “What are you doing? It’s my turn to put it in again.”

This guy wants seconds? Gintoki would love to keep going, but they’ve used nearly the whole hour. “You can’t; we don’t have time.”

“What? Why did you only get the room for an hour?” Hijikata asks indignantly. Before Gintoki can answer, Hijikata supplies an excuse for him, in a disappointed but understanding tone. “No, it’s ok. This is getting really expensive.”

Now the dearth of cash in his wallet makes sense. If they’ve been to this hotel multiple times, for more than an hour each time, Hijikata is right; that would get expensive rather quickly.

Hijikata finishes his cigarette, washes his hands, and gets dressed. On the elevator ride down, he comments, “If I don’t start saving money, I won’t have the 50,000 yen I need to buy _Bishoujo Samurai Tomoe 5000_ – the remastered classic series, not the rebuild movies – when it comes out on 5K Super HD Blu-ray.”

Gintoki chokes on the idea of spending that kind of money on an old anime. “Did Tosshi take over your body again?! If you start ending your sentences with ‘de gozaru,’ I will forcibly take your sword away from you.”

“It includes the _End of Tomoe_ movie!” Hijikata says, as if that somehow justifies the cost of his planned purchase, “Plus, if I buy it in-person at the Animade store in Akihabara when it launches, I have the chance to buy a limited-run Tomoe-chan figure.”

“And how much does that cost?”

“23,000 yen,” Hijikata mumbles, as if he’s conscious that’s an outrageous amount of money for a grown man to spend on an anime figure.

Gintoki grabs Hijikata by the collar and threatens, “Do I need to beat the Tosshi out of you?”

Hijikata grabs Gintoki’s collar as well and fervently insists, “It’s not just _any_ figure! It’s a 1/6 model of her from when she’s all bandaged up in episode one! _Bandages_ , Yorozuya! Do you understand how important this is?!”

Since Hijikata is failing to play his assigned straight-man role, the burden of being the level-headed one in the conversation falls to Gintoki. Forehead-to-forehead with Hijikata, he rants, “No, I don’t understand, you massive otaku! Do you have a bandage fetish? Did you make a move on Takasugi during the Benizakura arc while I wasn’t looking?”

Since Gintoki is terrible at playing the role of the level-headed straight man, Hijikata takes his duties back. He shoves Gintoki away and says dismissively, “I don’t have a bandage fetish, stupid. I’m pretty sure you’d be aware if I had any weird fetishes, after meeting up with me at a love hotel this many times.”

Huh?! How many times is ‘this many’? It must have been quite a few, if it ran both of them out of cash. His D-mails worked better than he imagined. He wishes he remembered more than just tonight out of the however-many-times they hooked up (their dissatisfying hookup Friday night doesn’t count, since it happened on a different world line). He better get some jobs lined up soon, so they can do this again and fill his brain with Hijikata-banging memories. He says, “I’ll text you when I’m not broke.”

The elevator doors open. Hijikata nods, and they go their separate ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If only I could look forward to legally purchasing English-subbed _Gintama_ episodes 1-265 and 317-367 and the _Benizakura_ and _Kanketsu-hen_ movies, not to mention an official English release of the _Gintama_ manga [Cries nerdy English-speaking North American otaku tears].


	6. Butterfly Effect’s Divergence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gin-san is flat-ass broke. Also, is it even worth mentioning that Past Gin-san fucks up again?
> 
> WARNING: This chapter contains 68%* less smex than any of the previous four chapters. 
> 
> *No mathematically-proven method was used to arrive at this figure.

\---   ---   ---

**β (1.130205): Day 16 (Tuesday)**

Gintoki gets up in the morning and walks to the kitchen to eat breakfast. When he opens the empty refrigerator, he’s reminded that he has no food or money to speak of. He shuts the fridge, muttering “dammit,” and sits down at his desk. He opens his unread mail, to see if there are any job requests that would help him quickly make some money, but it’s all either junk mail, bills, bills, or bills.

He shoves the papers on his desk into the trash and gives up on thinking about money. Instead, he daydreams about the completely mind-blowing sex he had with Hijikata last night. He’s enjoying his mental viewing of the evening’s highlights reel, until he hears the words, “Gin-san, we need to talk to you.”

He looks across his desk and sees an irritated idol otaku virgin, flanked by a positively homicidal redheaded alien, and a gigantic white dog, who is furrowing his giant doggy eyebrows in anger. He rolls his eyes at the trio. “What now?” he asks, picking his nose in passive-aggressive disinterest.

“Don’t ‘what now’ us, Gin-chan! You know what you did,” says the third of the trio who thinks she’s his mother, even though she’s over a decade his junior.

“Do I?” he asks in a bored tone, flicking a booger from the end of his pinky.

The otaku loses it. Holding up Gintoki’s nearly-empty wallet, he demands, “Do you know how much money you have in here?”

Gintoki glances at the item in Shinpachi’s hand and answers calmly, “Three-hundred yen.” He remembers quite clearly his dismay at being left with only three-hundred yen in his wallet after paying for the hotel room last night.

Pointing an accusatory finger at Gintoki, the virgin barks, “Wrong! You only have three-hundre…” His raised voice trails off when he realizes the nose-picking adult was not wrong. “…Wait…you _knew_ you only had three-hundred yen?! Our last job paid well; what did you do with all that money?”

Gintoki doesn’t get the feeling the individuals on the other side of his desk will be very understanding if he tells them the reason he’s so low on cash is that he’s been getting a lot of love hotel action lately, so he keeps silent. It’s proven to be an unsound strategy when the one who wears jockstraps on her head jumps up onto his desk in a single bound, crouches down to his level, grabs his hand, and pulls backward on his fingers.

“Kagura! Kagura! Ow! Ow! Those don’t bend that way!!!” he screams in pain.

Kagura yells at him over his agonized wailing, “Do you know what I’ve eaten today, Gin-chan? It’s the same thing Sadaharu has eaten today. Nothing! We have no food! What did you spend all your money on, you lazy Madao?”

He knows if he doesn’t say _something_ , she might legitimately break his hand. “Pachinko!” he cries out desperately, “I spent it all on pachinko! I’m sorrryyyyy!!!”

She lets go of his fingers and jumps down from the desk, glaring at him the whole time. “Shinpachi and I have a job today, and we will be buying _ourselves and Sadaharu_ food with our pay.”

Shinpachi takes the three hundred-yen coins from the wallet and tosses the empty leather husk toward Gintoki.

The trio walks away, and Kagura drives home how screwed he is. “You’re on your own, Gin-chan.”

After the door closes behind the kids and dog, Gintoki’s stomach grumbles loudly, reinforcing how shitty his day is going to be if he doesn’t think of a way to make some cash. Thinking is difficult when his blood sugar is low. The best idea he comes up with is to see if Saigou-san needs Paako’s services, but even if so, it’s hours before the okama club opens.

Aside from leaving him with no way to feed himself, the way his and Hijikata’s sex spree drained both of them of cash also means he can’t hook up with Hijikata again any time soon, which turns his _problem_ back into a problem. Their relationship has been downgraded from ‘quarrelsome acquaintances with benefits’ to just ‘quarrelsome acquaintances.’ If only he didn’t have a kid living with him, he could invite Hijikata over to his place and not spend money on a love hotel…

_…if only…_

If only he could kick his own ass properly, he would, because the answer is so simple! Why didn’t he realize it sooner? Sure, he has a kid living with him, but it’s easy enough to bribe her with pickled seaweed into staying with Gorilla Woman or Hime-sama for a night.

He lets out a breath of relief. That’s one huge problem solved, but it doesn’t help him with his more immediate problem of being out of both food and cash with which to buy food. His hunger gets so bad in the afternoon, he actually considers opening the cabinet he knows Sacchan is hiding in and asking her to buy him food. She would probably happily do it in exchange for being insulted, but he would rather not talk to her. Thankfully, when he calls the okama club, Saigou-san agrees to hire Paako for the next three evenings, starting tonight, but he still goes hungry the whole day.

 

\---   ---   ---

**β (1.130205): Day 19 (Friday)**

After Paako works her tail off three nights in a row, Gintoki buys a couple boxes of sukonbu. He presents them to Kagura, along with a lie of an apology. “Kagura-chan, I’m sorry I lost all my money at pachinko. Shinpachi, Sadaharu and you are very important to me, and I never meant for you to go hungry because of my greed.” Undoing any sincerity he might have managed to convey, he segues awkwardly, “Speaking of you and Sadaharu, would you mind spending the night somewhere else tomorrow night, and take your dog with you?”

Kagura’s aura turns dark. She kicks him in the shin and yells, “You are the worst, Gin-chan!” She walks away and says, “I feel sorry for the woman you fooled into dating you. I don’t want to be anywhere near you doing ecchi things,” she stops talking to gag in disgust at the thought, “so Sadaharu and I will stay with anego tomorrow.” Addressing Sadaharu, she says, “Come on, let’s go for a walk and leave this con artist alone.”

As soon as the door closes behind Kagura and Sadaharu, Sacchan comes out from her hiding place underneath the floorboards and jumps on him, wrapping her arms around his neck and nearly squeezing the life from him. She squeals, “Gin-saaaaaan!!! How could you do this to me?! You have a date coming over? Don’t tell me you’re going to tie her up and step on her and call her a stupid…”

He tosses her out a nearby open window.

She falls two stories, her impact on the dirt street coinciding with her finishing the word, “…biiiiiitch!”

He closes the window behind her. He limps to the couch and sits down, sighing deeply in frustration. Everything sucks. Having your roommate super pissed off at you sucks. Having a stalker sucks. Being flat-ass broke sucks.

The only thing that doesn’t suck is Kagura agreeing to spend a night somewhere else. On that note, he texts Mayo-sama, _“You want to come over to my place tomorrow night?”_

A minute later, Hijikata responds, _“What time?”_

When Kagura spends the night at the Shimuras’ place, she normally leaves after eating dinner at home, because she knows the Gorilla Woman’s cooking is poisonous. She should be gone by 7 or 7:30, but just to be safe, he answers, _“8?”_

_“See you then,”_ is the reply.

He smiles in relief. Things are turning around for him. He gets to see Hijikata tomorrow night, without spending money at a love hotel, and he should be able to get back to his normal level of just-barely-above-the-poverty-line before long.

If only he could go back and kick Kagura out for a night or two sooner, he could have saved a bunch of money…

…wait…

…holy fuck…

It took him three whole days to realize not only can he kick Kagura out and invite Hijikata over in the _present_ ; he can get himself to do so in the _past_!

He stands up, eager to send a D-mail that will fix all his money woes, and winces in pain from the deep bruise Kagura left on his shin when she kicked him. He limps to the kitchen, thinking of what he should say in the text message and how far back he should send it. Composing a message is easy. Something like this should do the trick: _“Hotel is expensive. Invite him over.”_ As always, deciding on the best timing is the difficult part. He hates to overwrite the only time he remembers hooking up on this world line, but he’s confident this will only create more opportunities to have amazing sex. The farther back he sends the message, the more money he saves. He sends his message 250 hours into the past.

 

**β (1.130205): Day 19 (Friday)**

**< <<   <<<   <<<**

**β (1.130205): Day 8 (Monday)**

On his third time hooking up with Gintoki, Hijikata has gained confidence in bed. He’s thankful his first time going all the way with a guy was with someone who patiently coached him, though he’s still shocked giving his queerginity to Gintoki turned out to be anything other than a colossal mistake. He wouldn’t have been surprised if Gintoki had acted like a creepy sadist or just treated him like some anonymous one-night stand.

He stops thrusting when Gintoki’s phone beeps. He looks down at Gintoki, expecting him to want to check his phone, but Gintoki scowls and says, “Why are you stopping? Fuck me hard!”

“But…what if one of the kids needs you?” A text in the middle of the night could just be a booty call, but it could be that China girl or glasses need him, and Hijikata is merely thinking of their welfare. When his concerns are ignored, he reaches for Gintoki’s phone on the nightstand, just to see who the text is from.

Gintoki grabs his wrist before his hand makes it to the phone and warns, “If you’re thinking of checking my phone in the middle of sex, I’m thinking of destroying your mayo lighter.”

Hijikata glares threateningly at Gintoki. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Gintoki glares back and challenges, “Try me.”

They have a mid-copulation stare-down, which Hijikata loses. Winning isn’t worth getting his lighter destroyed. “Fine,” he concedes, twisting his wrist away from Gintoki’s grasp.

He decides he wants to change positions. He puts his hands under Gintoki’s lower back and lifts his hips off the bed, keeping them connected as he comes up onto his knees. The new position makes it much easier to change the angle and depth of his thrusts. He tries out various combinations, stopping when he gets to one that makes Gintoki throw his head back in pleasure, moaning out, “ _Ahh!_ Hiji--! _Haa_ , _haa_ , _ngghh!_ ”

Well, shit, if thrusting deep and aiming slightly down and to the right is going to make Gintoki call out his name, he can deliver that for a while. The request was for a hard fuck, so he sets and keeps a brisk pace. He starts sweating, and multiple muscles in his body are screaming for mercy, but he ignores them and is rewarded with a non-stop stream of “ _mmm_ ’s” and “ _ahh_ ’s,” along with some “ _Hhh_ ’s” he thinks are the beginning part of his name.

After several minutes, he can’t hold back any longer. He’s going to cum soon. He wants to see if he can get them to cum at the same time. He adjusts his grip on Gintoki so he’s holding up his weight with just his left arm, freeing up his right hand for other tasks. He wraps his right hand around Gintoki’s cock and strokes, and Gintoki’s adorable aroused noises turn breathy and entirely non-verbal.

A minute or so later, Gintoki’s back arches, and he cums. The sight of white spurting out onto the man’s sexy washboard stomach is what triggers Hijikata’s own orgasm. He buries himself as far inside Gintoki as he can get and rides it out. Once his thinking ability returns, he pulls out and gently sets Gintoki back down on the bed.

Still breathing heavily, Gintoki grabs his phone and checks the text. He grins.

“So, was it one of the kids?” Hijikata asks, disposing of the condom and getting dressed.

“No, just a client I’m helping with a _problem_.” Gintoki puts his clothes on and says, “Hey, if we keep doing this, it’s going to get expensive really fast. How about if I bribe the girl who lives in my closet into getting lost for a few hours, so we can meet up at my place next time?”

“The girl who lives in your closet? You mean your stalker?”

“Huh? No, I meant Kagura. Though now that you mention it, I will need to make sure that megane M isn’t hiding under the floorboards before you come over.”

Gintoki is right; spending money on a love hotel will add up quickly. Hijikata needs to save up for the remastered classic _Bishoujo Samurai Tomoe 5000_ anime series on 5K Super HD Blu-ray. He wants to buy it and the limited-run bandaged Tomoe-chan figure, so he will need to have at least 73,000 yen saved. “Text me when you have the place to yourself.”

 

**β (1.130238): Day 8 (Monday)**

**> >>   >>>   >>>**

**β (1.130238): Day 19 (Friday)**

After the universe stops shaking, Gintoki checks the divergence meter. The reading has changed from 1.130205 to 1.130238, so the past was changed. If it changed the way he meant it to, it will be obvious by the state of his wallet. He opens it up and finds 25,300 yen. He grins, ecstatic at his success. He opens the refrigerator and sees food. A tear of joy wells up in the corner of his eye. He assumes the stocked fridge means Kagura isn’t pissed off at him. He guesses he’ll find out when she gets back from walking Sadaharu.

As he walks out to the living room, he notices his leg doesn’t hurt anymore. That’s a good sign, because that probably means he avoided pissing her off enough to earn a kick to the shin. He stops in his tracks when he sees Kagura sitting on the couch, with Sadaharu curled up on the floor next to her. When the hell did they get back?

Oh, wait…She must have only taken Sadaharu for a walk to get away from him. Now that he avoided pissing her off, she didn’t go anywhere. That’s pretty cool, he thinks. He sits on the couch and watches TV with her. After a few minutes, it occurs to him that his plans for tomorrow night with Hijikata may have changed with the D-mail he just sent. He asks Kagura, “Do you have plans for tomorrow night?”

She continues to suck on her sukonbu and stare at the TV but answers, “Mmm-hmm. I’m spending the night at anego’s.”

“Have fun. Don’t let her poison you.”

 

\---   ---   ---

**β (1.130238): Day 20 (Saturday)**

Initially, Gintoki assumed Kagura’s sleepover plans meant his plans with Hijikata hadn’t changed, but he wakes up worried, so he sends Mayo-sama a text, _“We still on for tonight?_

Nine hours pass before he receives a response that reads, _“What the fuck are you talking about, moron?”_

Gintoki’s fight-or-flight instinct kicks in, and the urge to run away like a sissy wins. _“Sorry, wrong number,”_ he replies.

Now that he has pussied out, he’s kind of screwed. It’ll make him look like an idiot if he texts Hijikata again, but he’s worried something went really wrong with his D-mail, so he sucks it up and asks, _“So…Does that mean we don’t have plans anytime soon?”_

_“I’m busy, asshole. Leave me the fuck alone.”_

That isn’t the response he was hoping for, but it answers the question of whether something went wrong. There’s only one plausible explanation; Past Gin-san fucked up again. Present Gin-san can’t fix anything until he finds out what the problem is. If Hijikata doesn’t want to talk to him via text, he will simply have to find him and corner him in person.

Who would be able to tell him where Hijikata is? He scrolls through the few names he has saved in his cell phone’s contacts list and sees a pseudonym for someone he doesn’t recall exchanging phone numbers with: ‘Okita Sadist.’ He would probably know where Hijikata is, so he sends him a text. _“Yo, Souichirou-kun. Where’s the Demon Vice-Chief? I’ll buy next time we go for dango if you tell me.”_

The response comes within seconds, _“You have perfect timing, danna. We’re about to do a big bust at the old Justaway factory. If you come blundering in and get him killed, I’ll buy you dango for life.”_

He heads to the abandoned factory and sneaks around until he sees a familiar head of shiny, dark hair in an adjacent alley.

When Hijikata catches sight of him, he shoots daggers with his eyes and spits curses. “What the fuck are you doing here, bastard?”

Gintoki walks up to him casually. “I need to talk to you, Hijikata-kun.”

“No! We’re in the middle of an operation, asshole! Get lost!”

Leaning back against a wall, Gintoki says, “I’ll wait here. We can talk when you’re done.”

“Huh?! No way, moron! Get the hell out of here before I arrest you.”

Knowing Hijikata’s track record when it comes to successfully arresting him, Gintoki holds his wrists out together, silently calling bullshit.

Hijikata glares from beneath furrowed brows. “You’re not the worst criminal I’ve ever dealt with, but you are the most annoying.”

“Oh? Am I annoying you?” Gintoki asks innocently.

“Yes!”

“So… You don’t want to talk right now?” he asks, as though he doesn’t know the answer to the question already.

“Not now, and not ever!”

He offers his cooperation. “You want me to leave?”

“Yes!!!”

In a suspiciously congenial manner, Gintoki says, “Ok. Have a good bust,” and walks away, waving over his shoulder.

Before Hijikata can question Gintoki about his uncharacteristically cooperative behavior, Kondou’s voice comes over his radio. “Teams one and two, move in now!”

Hijikata throws one last leery glance at Gintoki’s back and runs to the factory.

 

\---   ---   ---

**β (1.130238): Day 21 (Sunday)**

The raid at the old Justaway factory was a difficult one. By the time Hijikata gets to bed, he’s exhausted. He falls deep asleep right away.

He wakes up in the wee hours of the morning, lying in an uncomfortable position on his back. When he tries to get comfortable, he finds he can’t move. He traces the cause of his immobility to bindings on his wrists and ankles, which are connected to heavy pieces of furniture on opposite ends of the room, keeping his body stretched out long. He lifts his head to see what the fuck is going on and wishes he was surprised when he looks to his right and sees in the dim light a man with silver hair sitting next to his futon.

“Untie me right now, Yorozuya,” he hisses.

“We need to talk, tax thief.”

“Fuck you. I have nothing to say to you. If you don’t release me right now, I’m going to bring the entire force of the Shinsengumi down on your head,” he threatens.

“Go for it,” an unimpressed Gintoki taunts flatly, reaching forward and pushing Hijikata’s boxers and pajama pants down to his mid-thighs.

“W-what the hell are you doing?!!!” Hijikata squawks at him.

Dead fish eyes can be seen in the soft moonlight as Gintoki answers, “I’m sucking you off. If you don’t want it, tell me no, or feel free to call out and ‘bring the entire force of the Shinsengumi down on my head.’”

Hijikata wants to say he doesn’t want the blowjob, but he does, very badly. It’s been a week since he decided not to hook up with Gintoki anymore, and he hasn’t seen any action since, not even from his own right hand.

When Gintoki receives no objection, he takes the soft flesh of Hijikata’s cock into his mouth.

Hijikata groans at the stimulation of being encased in a wet, warm mouth. Against his wishes, he immediately starts getting hard. “St _ahh_ …” He tries to say ‘stop,’ but the sentiment is so half-hearted, the back end of the word turns into a moan. What Gintoki is doing with his tongue feels anything but bad. When Gintoki works with his mouth and both hands at once, with his right hand on his ballsac and his left at the base of his now-completely-stiff length, Hijikata can’t stop himself from moaning loudly.

Not stopping what he’s doing with his mouth or right hand, Gintoki retasks his left hand to cover Hijikata’s mouth.

At first, Hijikata thrashes around, wishing he could beat the shit out of Gintoki for covering his mouth, but he stops thrashing when he realizes Gintoki has done him something of a favor by keeping the whole compound from being woken up by his moans.

Gintoki expertly bobs his head until Hijikata is seconds from cumming. Hijikata prepares for release, but Gintoki suddenly brings his head up.

His stiff, saliva-coated cock slaps down, hitting his stomach, before springing back up to a 45-degree angle. When Gintoki takes his hand from Hijikata’s mouth, he growls in frustration at having been brought so close to orgasm, only to be denied at the last second. “You fucking prick,” he curses through clenched teeth at the bastard who is currently wiping the slobber off his sadistic grin.

“Your precum is delicious, Hijikata-kun,” a grinning Gintoki teases.

“Fuck you,” Hijikata responds, tacking on an _“unnghh”_ when Gintoki’s right hand wraps tightly around his already-painful erection.

“Are you ready to have a chat with me now, Oogushi-kun?”

“Fuck…” he whimpers.

Gintoki tightens his grip and presses the pad of his thumb down on top of Hijikata’s cock.

Hijikata’s hips desperately twitch, but Gintoki’s grip is unrelenting. He needs release so bad, he could scream. He caves. “Fine. Fine!”

Gintoki puts his left hand back over Hijikata’s mouth, moves his right thumb out of the way, and lowers his mouth onto the length again. He bobs down, up, then down one last time before Hijikata cums, his loud moan dampened by the palm of Gintoki’s hand.

Gintoki swallows and then releases Hijikata’s bindings. While Hijikata shimmies his boxers and pajama bottoms up to where they belong, Gintoki asks, “What did I do wrong?”

Hijikata assumes the dumbass is referring to his decision to stop hooking up with him. He really doesn’t want to talk about his reasons, but the bastard is persistent. He probably won’t give up until he’s given a satisfying answer. “You didn’t do anything wrong, really. I just didn’t like going over to your place, only to fuck each other and then have you sit down on your couch, turn on your TV, and act like I didn’t exist.”

Gintoki thinks for a minute, looking like he’s having to process that information.

Hijikata wonders what the hell is wrong with Gintoki. He was there when it happened, wasn’t he? Is he going to pretend he doesn’t remember acting like that?

Finally, Gintoki speaks, with an unusual amount of earnestness. “I wasn’t trying to ignore you or chase you out. You were welcome to sit down and watch TV with me. I assumed if you left, it was because you wanted to leave.”

Damn this emotionally-stunted idiot and his lack of communication skills. Hijikata hates to admit it, but his explanation actually makes sense. Still, damn this emotionally-stunted idiot! He points out, “If you wanted me to stay, you could have said something.”

“If you wanted to stay, you could have just sat your fine ass down on the couch next to me,” Gintoki counters. “Since when do you wait for my permission before you do anything, anyway?”

Damn this emotionally-stunted idiot and his unexpectedly logical argument! Hijikata doesn’t have a good counterargument to make.

“So, if I can get Kagura out of the house, would you want to come over? We can hang out, fuck around, hang out some more…”

Hijikata doesn’t want to agree if ‘hang out’ means he gets treated like he’s invisible. “Define ‘hang out.’”

“You define it.”

“Well…” Hijikata doesn’t have a problem with ‘hang out’ being as simple as watching TV together, as long as ‘together’ means more than ‘physically in the same room.’ “There are a few anime series I’ve been thinking you might like. I own them on Blu-ray, so maybe we could watch them together at your place.”

“I don’t own a Blu-ray player…,” Gintoki says, then he laughs nervously and adds quickly and awkwardly, “…but not because I’m scared to buy one!”

Hijikata ignores Gintoki’s odd remark and offers, “I have an extra one. I could bring it over.”

“What show are we watching?” Gintoki asks, probably worried it’s going to be a magical girl anime.

“There’s one that takes place in a futuristic wartime setting. There are hot chicks in short skirts and mecha battles.”

Gintoki grins. “You had me at ‘hot chicks in short skirts.’ Let me see when I can get Kagura out of the house for a while.”

Gintoki starts to stand up, but Hijikata pulls him back down and kisses him on the lips. “See you soon.”

Hijikata can’t tell for sure in the dark, but he could swear Gintoki is blushing as he mumbles “see you” and sneaks out.

He tidies his room, putting away his rope that Gintoki used to tie him up, then he lies down and drifts off toward sleep with a faint smile on his lips. He’s looking forward to finally putting the ‘friends’ into ‘friends with benefits.’

Right before he falls completely asleep, his eyes pop open as he wonders if sneaking into someone’s room, tying them up, getting them off, and forcing a serious conversation about their relationship is basically the Sakata Gintoki version of a love confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first commenter to correctly guess the anime Hijikata wants to watch with Gintoki wins the respect and admiration of the entire ~~portion of the~~ Gintama fandom ~~who read the comments on this chapter and choose to give their respect and admiration~~.


	7. Divergence Singularity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki and Hijikata have a date, not that either of them is going to call it that.

\---   ---   ---

**β (1.130238): Day 21 (Sunday)**

There’s one thing Hijikata Toushirou is truly afraid of.

He is terrified of falling in love.

If given the option of falling in love or falling on his sword, he would choose the latter. He would almost rather run out of cigarettes and mayonnaise at the same time than fall in love.

It happened to him once. He fell deeply in love with the kindest, gentlest person he has ever known. He wanted her to be happy, so he never confessed. She deserved to share a peaceful life with a good man who would keep her safe, and that wasn’t going to be him; his adulthood wasn’t destined to be any less violent than his childhood.

When he found out she shared his feelings, he put up an indifferent front and walked away, for her own good. Leaving her behind was more painful than any physical wound he has ever sustained. After that, he swore to himself he would never fall in love again.

His hope that the woman he left behind would have the normal life she dreamed of, with a happy marriage and children, never came to fruition before her frail body gave out. He ate many super spicy rice crackers and doubled down on his resolve to avoid meaningful relationships.

Since he came to Edo, he has occasionally fooled around with strangers. Most of the time, he walks away dissatisfied and unable to remember their names. He doesn’t ask for their contact info, and he intentionally finds partners who won’t ask for his. Sure, it’s empty, but it merely leaves him with a completely bearable dull ache in his chest. He got by on that strategy for years.

His mild discontentment with a life lacking in meaningful human connection was disrupted when he met an aggravating, lazy samurai with jealousy-inducing sword skills. This man who appeared to not own a comb caught his eye, crawled under his skin, and turned him the fuck on, every single time he was around. With time, he thought of him more and more often, regardless of whether he was around. With even more time and shared experiences, he developed feelings that were too strong to be shrugged off as a ‘crush.’

He made the mistake of believing his attraction and feelings were unrequited. He assumed the dead-fish-eyed man didn’t see him as anything other than a nuisance of a government employee. It wasn’t an illogical conclusion to draw; after all, their relationship started with him trying to run a sword through Gintoki’s head. Even after they came to respect each other, they bickered every time they were together. The word ‘frenemies’ seemed to have been coined specifically to describe their relationship. Although his feelings grew with time, it did not occur to him Gintoki’s feelings may have changed as well.

The assumption that his physical attraction was one-sided was blown to smithereens when the perverted sadist propositioned him. In a moment of weakness, he gave in and started a sexual relationship with the object of his affection. This led to internal conflict, with part of him believing his risk of getting hurt is minimized if their relationship is nothing more than sex, while another part of him aches for his feelings to be returned.

The internal conflict has not been resolved by what just happened; namely, Gintoki sneaking into his room, tying him up, sucking him off, and forcing him to explain why he ended their relationship. For a normal human, such behavior would be symptomatic of abusive tendencies or insanity, but as someone familiar with Gintoki’s paltry communication skills, Hijikata sees tonight’s events as an indication Gintoki cares far more about him than he’s letting on.

Hijikata would never have started sleeping with Gintoki if he’d known the perm-head had the capacity for deep feelings. His only salvation is that Gintoki’s awareness of his own feelings is limited by his thinking being almost exclusively done by his dick. He’s sure it will take Gintoki a while to get anything figured out, which buys Hijikata time to grow a pair of testicles that will give him the courage to face the prospect of being in a ‘real’ relationship. In the meantime, he’s comfortable with being friends with benefits, which, strangely, they’ve agreed means sex and anime-watching.

 

\---   ---   ---

Gintoki is incredibly proud of himself. He fixed something Past Gin-san fucked up, without the use of the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name)! That stupid jackass got dumped by Hijikata, and Present Gin-san behaved like a mature adult, waiting for the right time to calmly discuss the situation with Hijikata and make him see it’s best if they continue their relationship.

Now he just needs Kagura out of the house. He learned not to straightforwardly ask her to take Sadaharu and spend the night somewhere else. She spends the night elsewhere of her own accord pretty often, so he just needs to know when it’s safe to invite Hijikata over.

During lunch, he casually asks Kagura, “Do you have any plans with friends this week?”

She asks in a serious tone, “Why? Were you hoping to have a lady-friend over?” She keeps a straight face for two seconds before she loses it. “ _Pffft_.” She holds a hand in front of her mouth and snickers at the thought that he might have a love life. She answers his initial question, “I haven’t spent time with Soyo-chan lately, so I’m going to sleep over at her place Wednesday night. She loves playing with Sadaharu, and he likes the big yard at the palace, so he’s going with me.”

After lunch, he texts Hijikata, _“You want to come over to my place Wednesday night?”_

_“I won’t be done with work until 9.”_

_“No problem.”_

_“See you then.”_

 

\---   ---   ---

**β (1.130238): Day 24 (Wednesday)**

When her _Ladies 4_ rerun ends, Kagura gets up, packs a few items into a bag, and calls to Sadaharu, “Come on, let’s go.”

“Have fun. Tell Hime-sama hello for me,” Gintoki says.

 

\---   ---   ---

Shortly after nine, Gintoki’s doorbell rings. He answers the door and sees the Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi, dressed in the sexy, sexy yukata he wears in the summer when he’s off-duty, carrying a bag with Blu-rays and a player in it. “Come in.”

Hijikata steps inside and says, “I saw your stalker walking down the street in the opposite direction on my way here, so we’re safe from her.”

“Oh…good.” He’s glad Hijikata remembered to check, because he is so used to her presence, he forgot.

Hijikata holds up the Blu-ray player and asks, “Do you mind if I hook this up to your TV?”

“Go for it, as long as there isn’t a cursed DVD stuck in it.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing, nevermind. Do you want something to drink?”

“Tea?”

Gintoki makes tea for both of them while Hijikata gets the Blu-ray player ready. He brings the tea out and sets it on the coffee table, and they sit next to each other on the couch. This feels weird to Gintoki, so weird! This is what kids on TV do for a date. He imagines a stereotypical mom cooking in the kitchen while they watch their show, occasionally popping her head into the living room, to make sure they’re keeping their hands to themselves. Maybe while the imaginary mom isn’t looking, the imaginary pre-teen couple secretly hold hands.

Mostly to distract himself from how weird the situation feels, he teases Hijikata, “Aren’t you going to put mayonnaise in your tea?”

“Of course not!” Hijikata responds indignantly.

“Why not? I thought mayonnaise was a universal condiment.”

“It is, but it doesn’t belong in tea.”

“It doesn’t belong in coffee, either!”

“Yes, it does!”

“I don’t understand your stupid rules of which food and drinks mayonnaise does or does not belong in.”

“The rules are obvious; it belongs in all food and drink, except water, tea, and alcoholic beverages.”

“How is that obvious?! That makes no sense!”

“If it bothers you so much, bring me coffee. I’ll put mayonnaise in it, and you can stop bitching.”

Gintoki wrinkles his nose in disgust. “Ugh, no thanks.”

Hijikata presses play, and the show starts.

“Ah, another Sunrise production,” Gintoki remarks, one second in.

“Shut up and watch the show, asshole! I don’t need a running commentary from you.”

Gintoki thought he would probably spend their time in front of the TV with his hand inside Hijikata’s clothing, but the show captures his attention right away. It gets off to a fast start, with the premise being immediately established, which makes him a bit jealous. The _Gintama_ anime started out so poorly, there are in-universe jokes about it. Plus, this show’s art is gorgeous, and the character and mech designs are on-point. The integration of 3-D computer graphics and 2-D animation is seamless, which is especially remarkable given the show’s age. He’s so engrossed in the show, he temporarily forgets his desire to make the man sitting next to him moan.

After they watch the first two episodes, Hijikata asks, “Well, what do you think so far?”

Gintoki is tempted to point out the parallels between himself and this show’s protagonist, who is basically an anti-foreigner freedom fighter, but he doesn’t want to risk making Hijikata too pissed off to put out. Instead, he answers, “It’s good. I’m interested to see what happens next.” He slips a hand inside Hijikata’s yukata, caressing his thigh, and continues, “I like the girls’ school uniforms, though they make me glad Kagura isn’t in school. If she wore little skirts with stockings, I wouldn’t have time for anything but beating the shit out of boys for trying to touch her absolute territory.” He leans in for a kiss.

To his delight, Hijikata is game, kissing back, while using his hands to untie his obi and unbuckle his belt.

Damn, this guy doesn’t waste any time, even when they aren’t held to the time limit of a love hotel. While Hijikata pushes the kimono off Gintoki’s left arm, he realizes they’ve never undressed each other (that he remembers), and then he wonders why he didn’t think to do it before. It seems obvious it would be really fucking hot to peel the clothing off Hijikata’s sexy body. Oh well, he’ll do it now. As Hijikata unzips his shirt, he reaches around him and unties his obi. He pushes Hijikata’s yukata open, and his hands find no other clothing underneath it. He breaks the kiss to ask, “No underwear?”

Hijikata replies flatly, “Were you hoping for a fundoshi?”

As he pushes Hijikata’s yukata off his arms, he answers, “Fuck yes, that would be hot. Wear one of those next time.”

Hijikata ignores his pervy comment and pulls his shirt off his arms. “Stand up.”

Gintoki does as ordered, and Hijikata unbuttons and unzips his pants. With a raised eyebrow, Hijikata looks up and asks, “No underwear?”

“Well, you were coming over…” Gintoki explains.

“How optimistic of you,” the tsundere quips, before pushing the pants down to Gintoki’s mid-thighs. While he licks teasingly, he reaches a hand up toward Gintoki’s face, with the middle three fingers held out.

Gintoki takes this as a tacit command to suck the fingers. He gladly does so, dutifully wetting them with saliva while running his fingers through the silky hair of the head that’s doing such pleasant things to his crotch.

After a minute, the fingers are dripping wet. Hijikata pulls them away from Gintoki’s mouth and reaches around Gintoki's backside, sliding two of them in at once. He works the two fingers in and out for a few seconds before adding the third.

Hijikata takes Gintoki’s cock all the way into his mouth, and Gintoki wonders if Hijikata is trying to kill him with pleasure. He might not even last a minute if he keeps blowing him and fingerbanging him at the same time.

Sensing how close Gintoki is getting, Hijikata pulls his mouth off slowly, with his lips wrapped around the length, pulling his saliva off as he goes. The tip of the cock slips from his lips with a slobbery _pop_. He pulls his fingers out and asks, “Lube and condoms?”

“Top right drawer of the desk.”

Gintoki starts taking his pants off the rest of the way, but he only gets them down around his ankles before Hijikata stops him. “Leave them there.”

Gintoki indulges Hijikata’s kinky request, knowing the more turned-on Hijikata is, the better he will make him feel.

Hijikata gets the items from the desk, then says, “On your knees on the couch.”

Hobbled by the pants binding his ankles together, Gintoki clumsily gets on his knees on the couch, facing the back of the piece of furniture.

“Lower your hips, and stick your ass out.” When Gintoki is in position, Hijikata lubes him up and pushes his condom-sheathed dick inside. He then leans over Gintoki’s back, gripping his fingers almost painfully hard around Gintoki’s clavicle, and growls into his ear, “This is payback for you tying me up the other night.”

Gintoki thinks if this is supposed to be some kind of punishment, he may need to incur Hijikata’s wrath more often, because the way he’s grinding into him feels wonderful.

He must be the luckiest guy in the world to have found someone he has such great physical chemistry with. One might think being a bisexual man who likes both taking and being taken would make it easy to find a good sex partner, since virtually no one is off-limits. It’s true that finding short-term partners is easy, but finding someone with compatible preferences for a long-term relationship is nearly impossible. In his experience, most guys who like guys favor either the seme or uke role and don't care for switching, and most women refuse to strap one on and stick it in him at all (he would know; he has asked, and it has only gotten him slapped). Hijikata, on the other hand, happily switches fifty-fifty with him, and he knows just how, where, and when to touch to send him over the moon with pleasure.

He braces his left hand on the back of the couch to hold himself steady when Hijikata starts going harder and faster. With his right hand, he pinches his right nipple, getting it hard, and strums a fingertip across it. He moans lightly at the stimulation, which captures Hijikata’s attention. He reaches around and gives the left nipple some love. When Hijikata starts going full-speed, Gintoki takes his right hand from his nipple to his cock, but Hijikata swats his hand away and takes care of it himself. Gintoki sees stars when he cums. His subconscious guides his hand into place to catch his jizz, so he doesn’t soil the furniture the people who pay him sit on. As Hijikata pulls out, Gintoki says, between panting breaths, “Ah, shit. That was good.”

Hijikata hands him a tissue and says with a smirk, “Now I know mecha anime gets you in the mood.”

Gintoki wipes his hand off on the tissue and clarifies, “It wasn’t your Blu-rays that got me in the mood, Hijikata-kun.”

As Hijikata disposes of the condom, red creeps onto his cheeks in response to Gintoki’s subtly flattering insinuation that _he_ gets him in the mood. “I need a cigarette,” he mutters. He wraps his yukata around himself and ties his obi. On his way out the front door, he slips his sandals on.

Gintoki wouldn’t mind Hijikata smoking inside, except his home doubles as his place of business, and he has a kid living with him. He laughs under his breath when he realizes they may have had a conversation where Past Gin-san said those same thoughts out loud. Maybe not, though, because Past Gin-san is a moron. He probably stuck his finger up his nose and said something like, _‘Oi, human chimney, take your cancer fumes outside.’_

The latter seems more in-character for Past Gin-san. This is the same guy who expected Hijikata to read his mind and know he was welcome to stay and hang out after their hookups at his place. He was too stupid to look at the man’s face and notice he was hurt that he was being ignored. Hijikata isn’t exactly good at hiding his feelings, especially when he’s upset. If Past Gin-san had just utilized the pair of eyes in his head, he would have known he was fucking up. Well, fuck that guy, because Present Gin-san fixed what he fucked up, without the aid of a time machine! In your face, Past Gin-san!

Once he’s done gloating, it occurs to Gintoki he’s up next, and he needs to decide how he wants to take the man who’s about to walk through his front door. Maybe they already did this, but they haven’t that he remembers, so he wants to have sex on his futon. He kicks the pants off his ankles, goes to his room, and gets the futon ready.

When Hijikata walks into the bedroom, he strips and hangs his yukata and obi over a kimono rack.

Gintoki gestures toward the futon and says, “Face down, ass up.”

“So vulgar,” Hijikata gives his assessment of Gintoki’s choice of words with a sneer, but he still gets in place on the futon, on his knees and forearms.

“Says the man who made me keep my pants around my ankles while he fucked me. We’re both perverts, Hijikata-kun. Just admit it.” Gintoki sits on folded legs behind Hijikata and spreads his cheeks open. He presses his tongue flat against the exposed hole, and Hijikata lets out a surprised but pleasured _“Ahhh!”_

That was an adorable reaction, so he keeps going, pressing his tongue inside. A twitch rolls through Hijikata’s entire body, which makes Gintoki incredibly happy. He detours for a moment to gently suck on the underside of Hijikata’s ballsac. With another breathy _“ahhh”_ from Hijikata, Gintoki is grinning fiendishly. He takes his tongue back to the hole and plunges it in as far as it can reach. He rolls his tongue into a cylinder then makes it flat again. He stiffens it and takes it counter-clockwise around the inside of the passage.

 _“Mmm…Ahhh,”_ Hijikata responds.

He rolls his tongue in waves and brushes the tip of Hijikata’s hard-on with his fingers.

 _“Hnnn…Fffuck…”_ Hijikata breathes out.

The idea crosses Gintoki’s mind that it might be fun to get Hijikata off just by using his hands while tongue-fucking him.

“ _Ahhh_ … _Fffuck me_ ,” Hijikata begs, in a breathy, aroused voice.

Scratch that idea. Gintoki would never say no to anything Hijikata asked for in a tone that sexy. He spends one more minute tongue-kissing Hijikata’s opening, then he gets the condom and lube in place. He goes in, and right away, Hijikata’s body is responding. He’s moaning quietly, and his hips are rolling, begging for deep penetration. Gintoki mutters, “You are so sexy.”

Holding onto Hijikata’s hips, Gintoki gives it to him the way he knows he likes it: deep and slow.

What Gintoki did with his tongue must have really done a number on Hijikata, or else mecha anime gets him all hot and bothered, because he moans out between Gintoki’s pounding thrusts, “ _Ahhh_ …I can’t…I’m gonna cum.”

Hijikata is so damn erotic. If it wasn’t for the condom artificially helping his stamina, Gintoki would be about ready to blow his load as well. Following that line of reasoning, he pulls out, pulls the condom off, quickly relocates some lube from the condom to his bare dick, then goes back in and right back to the pace he knows will take Hijikata all the way. As Hijikata cums into his own hand, Gintoki pulls out and cums all over his lower back.

Gintoki hopes Hijikata isn’t super pissed off at him for taking the condom off. As he cleans the mess off of his back for him, he says in a cringing, apologetic tone, “Sorry, I just wanted us to get off at the same time.”

With the mess gone, Hijikata turns around and sits facing Gintoki. He grabs his face with the hand that isn’t currently holding a puddle of semen, squishing his cheeks, and says, “It’s fine, but if you ever cum inside me without permission, it’s seppuku for you. Do you understand?”

His enunciation impaired by his cheeks being squished, Gintoki answers, “Yef, Bife-Peef.” (Translation: “Yes, Vice-Chief.”)

Hijikata lets go of Gintoki’s face, leans forward, kisses him on the lips, and says, “Good.” He then gets up and washes his hands. When he comes back to the bedroom, he asks, “Is it ok to leave the Blu-rays and player here? They won’t get destroyed by any stalkers or alien children?”

“Nah, it’ll be fine. Other than the time she accidentally punched a hole in my roof, my stalker doesn’t really ruin my stuff, and if I tell the alien child the Blu-rays contain mecha anime, she won’t touch it. That kind of thing is too testosterone-y for her taste.”

Hijikata starts getting dressed, but Gintoki wants him to stay the night.

…Wait a goddamned minute… Since when does he have any desire to share his futon with Hijikata for the purposes of sleeping?

Maybe…because he went to so much trouble to overcome Past Gin-san’s idiocy and got Kagura out of the house overnight, it feels like it would be a waste of effort to have him leave after a couple hours.

For now, he’s going to assume that’s the explanation.

While he was thinking, Hijikata finished getting dressed.

“You could stay…” he offers, “Kagura is spending the night with a friend, and she won’t be back until at least nine.”

“I…um…” The wheels are almost visibly turning in Hijikata’s mind as he composes a response. “I have to get back to the barracks,” he concludes.

His words could either be taken as his politely saying, _‘I don’t want to ever spend the night sleeping next to you,’_ or they could mean exactly what was said and nothing more. Gintoki hopes it wasn’t a politely-worded permanent rejection. “I’ll text you next time Kagura is out for a few hours.”

“All right. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Hijikata walks to the entryway, slips his sandals on, steps outside, and slides the door shut behind himself.

Gintoki follows soon after. He stands out on his balcony, leaning against the railing and enjoying the relatively cool night air after a hot day. He watches Hijikata walk down the artificially-lit street, pulling out his mayo lighter and lighting a cigarette. He continues to watch until he is out of view.

 

\---   ---   ---

A few hours later, Gintoki lies awake, mulling over the concept of sharing a futon. It’s just as well Hijikata declined his offer. Sakata Gintoki sleeps _alone_ , and he loves it. He has no desire to feel the soothing sensation of a warm body sleeping next to him.

 _‘Soothing’?_ Nope, that’s obviously a typo. Maybe that’s supposed to read _‘smothering,’_ because, really, what kind of dumbfuck would want a warm body sleeping next to them in a room with no air conditioning in hot-ass August weather?

When Gintoki tosses and turns for the next ninety-seven minutes, he realizes _he_ is the kind of dumbfuck who wants a warm body sleeping next to him in a room with no air conditioning in hot-ass August weather, and not just any warm body will do; it has to be Hijikata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I publish this chapter, I better make sure I didn’t miss anything important. Sex? Check. Bickering? Check. Relationship progress? Check. Projection of my own thoughts about another anime onto this story’s characters? Check. Incorporating time travel, since that’s the plot of the story? … Aw, fuck. I knew I was forgetting something. I’ll make up for it in chapter 8.


	8. Chaos Theory Homeostasis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a fireworks festival. Gintoki is a good boyfriend (not that his and Hijikata’s relationship is at the point where they use the word “boyfriend”). Some people find out some stuff about some stuff. The author forgets how to write chapter summaries.

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**β (1.130238): Day 29 (Monday)**

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night are repeats of Wednesday night, where Gintoki lies awake, daydreaming in the dark about having Hijikata sleeping next to him.

Monday morning, Kagura informs Gintoki she and Sadaharu are spending the night with Otae. Gintoki texts Hijikata and invites him over. Hijikata says he’ll be over at eight.

A minute after Kagura and Sadaharu leave for the evening, Hijikata arrives. They watch a couple more episodes of the show, which is starting to seem to Gintoki like a strange mix of mechs, political intrigue, and school/slice of life. There were some naked boobs, though, so that was nice.

They bang each other on Gintoki’s futon. Gintoki again tells Hijikata he’s welcome to stay, since Kagura will be gone until morning, and Hijikata again politely declines. Gintoki holds back the urge to tie Hijikata up and force him to stay the night.

While Gintoki is still awake hours later, alone on his futon, he makes his mind up; the next chance he gets, he’s going to confront Hijikata and ask him why he won’t spend the night.

 

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**β (1.130238): Day 31 (Wednesday)**

In the evening, Kagura comes home from spending the day with Soyo and declares happily, “Gin-chan, guess what! I got us a job! Sho-chan agreed to let Soyo-chan go to the fireworks festival on Sunday, and he hired us as her unofficial guards!”

Gintoki pretends to pat Kagura on the head approvingly as he wipes snot into her hair. “Good job. Kagura gets to eat Shinpachi’s share of tonight’s dinner.”

“What?! Why don’t I get to eat?!” Shinpachi protests.

“No one said you don’t get to eat; you’re welcome to go home and eat your sister’s cooking.”

 

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**β (1.130238): Day 33 (Friday)**

Kagura lets Gintoki know she and Sadaharu will be spending the next three nights at Soyo’s. He texts Hijikata, asking him if he wants to go to the premiere of _Alien vs Yakuza 4_ tonight, but he says he will be too busy with work to meet up this weekend.

 

\---   ---   ---

**β (1.130238): Day 35 (Sunday)**

The plan is for the Princess’ official guards (and Kagura) to escort her from the palace to the festival, where the unofficial guards will meet up with them.

Gintoki and Shinpachi dress in yukatas and head to the festival. No huge surprise, they find the two teenage girls accompanied by some familiar people in familiar dark uniforms.

“Oi, is this really a good use of the people’s tax dollars?” Gintoki questions, gnawing on a candy apple, “Four Shinsengumi officers being paid to eat yakitori and watch fireworks?”

The highest-ranking of the officers exclaims, “Otaaaaae-saaaan!” He breaks out into a sprint, running with kissy-lips and outstretched arms toward a woman with a deceptively sweet smile.

The lowest-ranking of the officers runs after him and tries in vain to keep both of them safe from the woman’s wrath with his badminton racquet.

“As you can see, danna, Kondou-san is here on private business, and we brought Yamazaki along to try to keep him from getting arrested for his ‘private business.’ I'm the only Shinsengumi officer assigned to guard Hime-sama. If you see a fourth officer here, it's an apparition. Hopefully Hijikata-san’s spirit will move on to its final resting place soon.”

The apparition speaks. “ _Tch_. Shut up, Sougo.”

Gintoki notices Hijikata does indeed resemble a ghost. He looks exhausted. He must not have been exaggerating when he said he’d be too busy with work this weekend to meet up.

Sougo’s eyes drift to a group of three young women. He gets Soyo’s attention by bumping her arm with an elbow and says, “What about them?”

She looks at the women, then grins and nods at Sougo. The two of them walk away.

“What are those two doing?” Shinpachi asks Kagura.

“They’re finding people who look like they’re only here to meet people to do dirty stuff with. They hide where the people can hear them but can’t see them and say mean things about them. They’ve already made one girl cry, and one guy got so angry, he got kicked out of the festival for trying to start a fight.”

Gintoki snickers and remarks gleefully, “That sounds fun.”

Shinpachi and Hijikata sigh in unison.

 

\---   ---   ---

The five guards walk around the festival, accompanying Soyo wherever she wants to go. Every now and then, the three sadists in the group go off to torture unsuspecting victims together.

When the four teenagers visit the game booths, Hijikata takes a smoke break, and Gintoki joins him. Before he has a chance to talk to Hijikata for the first time in a week, an attractive young woman walks up and says, “Sakata-san?”

Oh, shit! If there could be a worse time for him to run into the last woman he slept with, he can’t imagine when it would be. He feels uncomfortable being in such close proximity to both the last _woman_ he slept with and the last _man_ he slept with. It could be awkward if Hijikata figures out he hooked up with her before. He forces a smile and says, “Yamaguchi-san, it’s good to see you again. How have you been?”

“I’ve been very well, thank you. And you?”

“Good, thanks,” he answers. To draw attention away from himself and his discomfort, he pulls on Hijikata’s elbow, dragging him into the conversation. “Let me introduce my friend…”

Before Gintoki gets the introduction all the way out, she interrupts with a polite greeting. “Hijikata-san. It’s good to see you again as well.”

Gintoki watches as Hijikata finally points his eyes in the woman's direction. His resting bitch face turns to a look of recognition. He mumbles, “You too, thanks. I need to get back to my duties.” He puts out his cigarette and rejoins the kids.

“You two know each other?” Gintoki asks her, wondering what the weird reaction from Hijikata was about.

“Yes. We _met_ at last year’s sakura festival.”

The way she says ‘met’ makes Gintoki think she _met_ Hijikata at last year’s festival the same way she _met_ him at this year’s festival. It seems they have similar taste in men.

He’s saved from any further awkward conversation with her, because something else catches her eye. Gintoki follows her gaze to a short brunette woman that reminds him of a certain weather reporter. It seems they have similar taste in women, too. He gives her a knowing smile. “Good luck tonight.”

She steps up to him and kisses him on the cheek. She must have been able to sense something more than friendship between him and Hijikata, because she gives a knowing smile in return and says, “You too.”

He watches her walk over to the woman and start a conversation.

 

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The fireworks will be starting soon, so the group settles into a good spot from which to watch the show.

“I’m going to take another smoke break,” Hijikata informs Sougo.

He doesn't wait around to hear Sougo acknowledge him with a “Die, Hijikata-san” before he drags Gintoki by the sleeve of his yukata to a secluded spot.

 _Jealousy is such an ugly character trait,_ he berates himself, as he pushes Gintoki’s back against a tree and kisses him roughly. _Really unbefitting of arguably the most mature, level-headed character in the whole series,_ he admits, as he shoves the fabric of Gintoki’s clothing aside and leaves a bite mark around his left nipple. _Finding out he and the last woman I slept with have a “past” isn’t something that would normally upset me; maybe I’m just overreacting because I haven’t gotten much sleep lately,_ he thinks, as he sucks Gintoki’s neck and fondles his package through layers of clothing, _I hope he doesn’t figure out seeing Somethingko-san kiss him made me jealous._

He’s pleased when an impassioned “ _Unnggh_ , Hijikata-kun… _ahh_ …I’ve missed you too,” comes out of Gintoki’s mouth. He’s less pleased when it’s followed with Gintoki confronting him for his childish bullshit. “Or are you doing this because you’re jealous Yuriko kissed me?”

Fuck! He figured it out! He pushes away from Gintoki and lies, “ _Humph!_ I’m not jealous, asshole!”

“That’s good, because it was just a quick peck on the cheek before she went off to chase female tail,” Gintoki explains.

Oh. He was too far away to be able to tell it was just a kiss on the cheek. He assumed it was something more. Now he feels bad for getting so riled up. He doesn’t know what to say.

Suddenly, Gintoki grabs him by the collar and flips them around, so Hijikata is the one pinned against the tree. As if solely to ensure he has 100% of Hijikata’s attention, Gintoki reaches a hand inside the front of his pants and lightly runs fingertips along his stiffening length. Lips brush Hijikata's ear as Gintoki asks in a whisper, “You know I’m not very bright, right?”

Hijikata thinks Gintoki sounds angry, but it's hard for him to concentrate enough to tell for sure, with the way he's being touched. “ _Tch_ ,” he replies, failing to fully stifle a gasp, “That goes without saying.”

“Right.” Gintoki’s whispering voice turns completely sarcastic, verifying Hijikata’s suspicion that he’s upset, “Mixed signals confuse me, like when a guy refuses to spend the night with me, but he gets violently jealous when he sees someone kiss me.”

Ahhh, yeah…Hijikata was wondering when he was going to get called out for that. Gintoki is such an open book. It was obvious his feelings were hurt both times his offer of staying the night was declined.

It’s not that he minds the idea of sleeping next to Gintoki, but sharing a bed for the purposes of sleeping somehow feels like a more intimate act than fucking. In his mind, it’s something people do when they’re in a serious relationship, and he is terrified – _terr-i-fuck-ing-fied_ – of serious relationships. While it doesn’t necessarily mean a relationship is serious if people who are sleeping together (in the sense of having sex with each other regularly) also sleep together (in the sense of sleeping next to each other), leaving right after sex has the virtue of making it clear a relationship is definitely _not_ serious.

But…He eventually wants to have a more serious relationship with Gintoki. If that’s ever to happen, he needs to push himself outside his comfort zone. He takes a deep breath, drawing in courage, and makes the commitment. “I’ll spend the night with you next time you have the place to yourself.”

Gintoki grins. He pulls his hand out of his pants and says, “Great. See you tonight.”

“T-tonight?!”

“Yeah. Kagura is spending the night with Hime-sama.”

Shit!!! He only gets to live in his comfort zone for another few hours. He might not have agreed to this if he had known Kagura wasn’t going home tonight. Still, he already made the commitment, and he won’t back out of it now. He sucks it up and affirms, “After we get Hime-sama back to the palace, I’ll come by your place.”

Gintoki gives a killer genuine smile, then he kisses Hijikata.

Hijikata puts his hands around Gintoki’s back and pulls him close. While they share a slow, passionate kiss under the fireworks-lit sky, Hijikata realizes why he was so jealous. He's falling more and more for the man he will be sleeping next to tonight. His feelings aren't one-sided, or else Gintoki wouldn't have gotten so pouty about him not spending the night. It’s scary. It’s all so scary.

 

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While Soyo’s Shinsengumi guards escort her and Kagura back to the palace, Gintoki rushes home, showers, and gets everything ready for a night with Hijikata.

When Hijikata shows up at Gintoki’s door, he's dead on his feet. He looks like he's struggling to stay awake.

Gintoki pulls him inside and starts undressing him.

“Sorry, I’m not really in the mood,” Hijikata says sleepily, apparently assuming Gintoki is planning to fuck him.

“I can see that. I’m undressing you so you can get clean.” Gintoki wrinkles his nose overdramatically. “You stink.” When Gintoki is finished undressing Hijikata, he leads him to the bath. Hijikata just sits on the bath stool, with his eyes shut, so Gintoki undresses himself down to boxers and does all the work. He washes Hijikata, who falls asleep repeatedly during the process. He towels them both off, then he leads Hijikata to his bedroom.

In the two seconds it takes him to find a clean pair of boxers, Hijikata has already laid down on his futon.

He throws the boxers at Hijikata’s face and says, “Hey, put those on, or else I’ll be tempted to grope you while you sleep.”

Without opening his eyes, Hijikata puts the underwear on and pulls the covers over himself.

Gintoki crouches down next to him and pokes his cheek to make sure he’s awake to hear his question. “How much sleep are you running on?”

“Eleven hours,” Hijikata answers.

Concerned, Gintoki asks, “Are you sick? Why are you so damn tired if you got eleven hours of sleep last night?”

“Last three nights, eleven hours total,” Hijikata clarifies.

No wonder. “When was the last time you ate?”

“Breakfast.”

Idiot! “How much water did you drink today?”

“Coffee this morning.”

Fucking dumbass! It’s a wonder he didn’t pass out at the festival. Gintoki goes to his kitchen, gets some leftover rice from the refrigerator, scoops a small serving of it into a bowl, and gets a glass of water and a spoon. He goes to the living room, pulls Hijikata’s mayonnaise bottle from his uniform jacket’s interior pocket, and squeezes some of the disgusting white goop onto the rice. He takes the food and drink to his room and sets it next to the futon. Crouching down next to Hijikata, he pokes his face again, to wake him up. Hijikata makes a whining noise but doesn’t move. Gintoki sits down next to him and forces him to sit up.

“ _Nnnn_ …Whayawan? Iwasleep,” Hijikata mumbles.

Gintoki situates himself so he’s serving as a chair back, propping Hijikata up. “I made you a mini dog food special. Eat it, and drink the glass of water, and I’ll let you go to sleep.”

Hijikata practically inhales the food and drink. He then gives a satisfied sigh and a sincere, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Gintoki moves out of the way so Hijikata can lie down again. “Take better care of yourself, you dumbfuck,” he scolds, but in a caring tone.

There’s no response but steady breathing. Hijikata is already asleep. Gintoki takes the dishes to the kitchen. He comes back to the bedroom and lies down next to Hijikata.

The motion causes Hijikata to stir. He turns onto his side and puts an arm across Gintoki’s stomach.

Gintoki looks at the sleeping face next to him and bites his lip to keep himself from squealing in delight. He did it! He finally did it!! He got Hijikata to spend the night! He wishes he could see Hijikata’s peaceful sleeping face every night. He gently brushes some stray hair behind Hijikata’s ear and softly kisses his temple, whispering “goodnight” before lying his own head down.

He falls asleep with a smile on his face and gets the best sleep he’s gotten in years, but he wakes up alone.

 

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**β (1.130238): Day 38 (Wednesday)**

Gintoki is sitting on his couch, drinking Dk Pepper and pondering how he can get Hijikata to not only stay the night but still be there when he wakes up. His thoughts are disrupted by the brunet third of his problem trio saying, “Gin-san, we need to talk to you.”

They don’t look mad this time. They look confused and concerned, except for the gargantuan dog, who yawns and lies down.

“The power went out for a little while last night, so I wanted to reset the clock on your microwave. I found the user’s guide and read it…” Shinpachi holds up the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) user’s guide. “Is it true? Is it really a time machine? Have you used it?”

Holy shit. He hadn’t expected the kids to find out he owns a time machine. He lies, “Of course it isn’t! … The guide is a joke! The phone is just a normal phone, and the microwave is just a normal microwave.”

The kids look at each other, and it’s pretty obvious they’re not buying his story.

“So, that’s how you fooled him into dating you, Gin-chan.”

“Dat-dating?” He feigns innocence. “I’m not…”

“Gin-san, I…” Shinpachi interrupts, blushing, “I saw you at the festival. My distance vision isn’t very good, so at first, I thought you were fighting, but then I could tell you were k-kissing.”

Shit! They got caught already?! Dammit!

“Plus, I saw your boyfriend waiting to come in while I was on my way out to spend the night with anego last week.”

“I’ve found your u--…” Shinpachi turns completely red and clears his throat before he forces out the rest of the sentence, “… used condoms in the trash.”

“Plus plus, you’ve been flirting ever since you met, and nobody buys your ‘eww, I hate that guy’ act anymore.”

He gives a cringing fake smile and says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“How many times did you mess up with him and time travel to fix it?”

Ugh, she hit the nail on the head. “N-none! It’s not like that…”

“Please be careful, Gin-san. It can be very dangerous if you change the past enough to move off the Steins Gate world line,” Shinpachi cautions.

He’s not going to tell the kids he moved off the Steins Gate world line over a month ago. As far as he can tell, whatever scary stuff the guide says about time traveling is exaggerated. All of his D-mails worked out well for him. Nothing bad happened. Also, he hasn’t even used the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) in a while. He fixed the last couple of issues he encountered without it.

“At least tell me you read the guide thoroughly,” Shinpachi continues to mother-hen, “There’s a lot of important information in here.”

He puts on his best poker face and holds his ground. “I told you; it’s not a time machine. How could a phone and a microwave possibly work together at all, much less for time travel? That’s the stupidest science fiction premise I’ve ever heard.”

Crossing her arms, Kagura asks, “Are you also going to tell us there’s nothing going on between you and Mayora?”

He doesn’t think he can pull the wool over their eyes on this, and he’s not even sure he wants to deny their relationship.

Before he can think of a way to address the question, Shinpachi says understandingly, “We’ll keep quiet about it; it’s enough for us to know you’re happy.”

Kagura shakes her head in agreement. “I know you kids need your alone time, so I’ll make sure Sadaharu and I spend the night somewhere else sometimes.”

Gintoki is about to thank her, until she kicks him hard in the quadriceps with a _“Hoata!!”_

“Owww!” His leg nearly gives out from underneath him, thanks to the wicked charley horse she gave him. Why does this girl keep hurting his leg?! “What the hell was that for?!” he screams at her.

Pouting, she answers, “Lying. Keeping secrets.”

Gintoki defends himself, “I’m an adult; that’s what adults do!”

“Also, it’s a warning.” She points a scolding finger at him and threatens, “If I ever see or hear you and your boyfriend doing R-18 things, you’ll both get kicked, and not in the leg!”

Though his leg is in pain, he appreciates the kids’ being so understanding. He wheezes out an expression of his gratitude. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.”

 

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**β (1.130238): Day 41 (Saturday)**

Kagura and Sadaharu spend the night with Soyo, and Hijikata comes over. Gintoki tells Hijikata the kids figured out what they’ve been doing, and Hijikata is not surprised.

Another two episodes of anime are watched, mind-blowing sex is had, and both men sleep soundly, taking comfort in the warmth next to them.

Gintoki wakes up alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone yells at me for my failure to deliver on my promise of time travel in this chapter… [runs away]


	9. Dogma in Event Horizon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look, everyone! A chapter that actually contains time travel!

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**β (1.130238): Day 42 (Sunday)**

In the morning, when Kagura gets back from her sleepover with Soyo, she shyly approaches Gintoki and says, in Kugimiya Rie’s cutest voice, “Gin-chan, can I ask a favor?”

She doesn’t ask for much, outside of food, so he’s curious to see what she wants. He looks at her and raises an eyebrow, prompting her to speak.

“A while ago, Soyo-chan offered to get me into a private school on a scholarship, but I said no, because I felt bad about leaving poor little Gin-chan all by himself. But now I know you have a boyfriend. You aren’t all by yourself. You’ll be ok without me being around all day, every day. I changed my mind; I’ve decided I want to go to school.”

Kagura in school? He had never even considered the notion, but now that she says it, it seems obvious it’s something a teenage girl who is on this planet for the express purpose of trying to live a normal life would want. He wonders why she doesn’t just tell Soyo she changed her mind.

“The deadline to apply has already passed, so I want to send a D-mail to Soyo before the deadline, telling her I want to go to school.”

Gintoki is surprised to hear the deadline is so early. The school year doesn’t start until April. It’s only the end of August; isn’t there still plenty of time to get kids enrolled? Then again, he didn’t exactly go to elite private schools, so what does he know?

His reluctance to use the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) loses the battle against the tiny pout on Kagura’s lips and glint of a tear in the corner of her left eye. He sighs, defeated by her cuteness. He holds up an index finger and says sternly, “Just this once, ok? And don’t tell anyone, or else I’ll see to it you never eat another grain of rice as long as you live.” If the D-mail works, she won’t remember this conversation, and he won’t need to worry about her keeping her mouth shut, but he thought he’d better make the threat, just in case.

She jumps up and down excitedly and bear hugs him, constricting his breathing. “Thank you, Gin-chan! Thank you, thank you!!!”

He hugs her back for a second before wresting his way from her grip so he can breathe again. Patting her head and hoping she’ll calm down, he says, “Yes, yes. You’re welcome.” He then cautions, “This isn’t an easy thing you’re asking. The message has a limit of eighteen Japanese characters, and it’s going to come from a phone number Hime-sama won’t recognize. Even if she figures out it’s from you, you won’t remember changing your mind. Past Kagura will be confused.”

Kagura tilts her head sideways in thought for a minute then gives her idea for a message, including speaking the punctuation out loud. “How about, _‘“Soyo-chan” comma “I can’t wait to start school” period “Thanks for offering” period “You are my best friend in the universe” exclamation mark “Yours Truly” comma “Kagura” left parenthesis asterisk acute tone mark nabla grave tone mark asterisk right parenthesis’_? Would that work?”

Gintoki scrunches his brow in confusion. “What? I didn’t even understand half of what you said, and I don’t need to count on my fingers to know the message is way too long. Eighteen Japanese characters, remember?” He sighs and pulls out his phone. “Give me a minute.” He composes a message that’s within the character limit and gets the point across: _“Can’t wait to start school. Love, Ka”_

He hands the phone to Kagura. She reads the message and with a beaming smile declares, “It’s perfect!”

He reiterates the warning she ignored earlier, “What if, when Hime-sama asks Past Kagura about the message, Past Kagura says she didn’t send it and doesn’t want to go to school?”

Kagura tilts her head to the other side and thinks. After a few seconds, she concludes, “That could happen, but I think it might be enough to make me think twice and change my mind.”

Gintoki accepts her reasoning with a sigh and an, “Ok.”

He tries to take the phone back from her, but she puts on another adorable, innocent face and asks, “Can I work the thingy?”

He gives in easily, feeling guilty about being the reason she turned down Hime-sama’s generous, thoughtful offer. He tells her, “Type her cell phone number into the box.” Once she does, he says, “Now we have to figure out how far back to send the message, in hours. Remember, there are twenty-four hours in a day on this planet.”

She whines, “I don’t know how to do that math, Gin-chan.”

“I don’t either. That’s why I installed a time unit conversion app on my phone. Just enter the date and time you want to send the message to, and it will give you the number of hours.”

She uses the app and looks to him for the next step.

“Enter the number in the Time box on the phone and on the microwave, and then press the Start button on the microwave and the Send button on the phone at the same time.”

She jumps up and down again in excitement. “Thank you, Gin-chan! This is going to be great!”

He can’t help but crack a smile. “You’re welcome. Your bald old man will probably be happy to hear you’re going to school.”

She gets teary-eyed. “He will. Mami would be happy too.”

This conversation has gotten way too emotional for Gintoki’s taste. He ruffles her hair again and says, “Get to it, before I change my mind.”

He watches as she enters some number of hours into the phone, presses the five, zero, six, and four buttons on the microwave, and presses the Send and Start buttons simultaneously.

As the universe shakes around Gintoki, he mentally screams, _Five-thousand-sixty-four hours?! How the fuck long is that?!!!_

**β (1.130238): Day 42 (Sunday)**

**< <<   <<<   <<<**

**β (1.130238): Day -170 (Saturday)**

Soyo rushes into the room, smiling from ear to ear. “Aniue-sama! I got a text message from Kagura-chan! She says she can’t wait to start school!”

The shogun smiles, pleased to see his sister happy. She recently approached him and told him how hard Kagura has worked to avoid turning into a stereotypical, out-of-control-killing-machine Yato. Soyo thought if Kagura was able to go to school, it would help her live as much of a normal teenage life on Earth as possible, so she asked him if the Tokugawa family would be able to fund her attending school. He has always seen the value of a good education, so he was glad to do so. She proposed the idea to Kagura when they were together a couple days ago, and Kagura said she needed time to think about it. Apparently, she made her decision. He nods. “I will talk to the school’s director, so he can get her enrolled.”

Soyo’s eyes brim with tears of joy. She throws her arms around him and says, “Thank you, aniue-sama, and please thank the director on my behalf.”

He hugs her back and says, “I will.”

“I can’t wait to talk to her about it!” She lets go of her brother and asks excitedly, “May I please invite her to spend the night tonight?”

“Of course.”

Soyo dials the Yorozuya land line number, and Kagura answers, “Hello, Yorozuya aru.”

“Hello, Kagura-chan. How are you?”

“Ah, Soyo-chan! I’m good. How are you?”

“I’m doing well, thank you. Would you like to spend the night tonight?”

“I would, but Gin-chan got drunk and went to space with his friend who laughs too much. I don’t want to leave Sadaharu by himself.”

“Well…why not bring him with you? I love dogs, and there’s plenty of yard for him to play in here.”

“Really? That would be great! I’ll be there in an hour.”

When Kagura arrives at the palace, Soyo hugs her and says, “I’m so happy you decided to go to school. I wish I could go to a regular school instead of being tutored at home, so I’m glad you get to go.”

Completely confused by what Soyo is saying, Kagura pulls away from the hug and looks her in the face. She says hesitantly, “I was actually going to tell you I decided not to go to school…”

Now Soyo’s face also shows confusion. “But what about your text? You said you couldn’t wait to start school.”

“My text? What are you talking about?”

Soyo shows Kagura the text.

“I didn’t send this. I don’t know this phone number, either.” Kagura watches the lively glow drain from Soyo’s face and get replaced with disappointment.

“Oh…um…” Soyo blinks back tears and forces a fake smile. “I’ll let aniue-sama know it was a misunderstanding.”

“Wait…” Kagura says remorsefully. It breaks her heart to know she unintentionally hurt her best friend. She decided to decline Soyo’s offer because she didn’t want to move into the school’s boarding house and leave Gintoki all alone. She never brought the topic up with him because he would just act like he doesn’t care and pretend he’s fine by himself, even though everyone knows he was lonely before she and Shinpachi came into his life. The mysterious text message is making her think maybe she should talk to him about it before she makes her final decision. “Let me talk to Gin-chan about it when he gets home tomorrow.”

“Really?” Soyo asks, with hope in her voice and a tentative smile on her face.

“Yeah,” Kagura says, smiling back. “Now, what is there to eat around here? I’m starving.”

The girls eat dinner, and then they spend hours in the palace yard, playing with Sadaharu. It’s mostly Soyo and Sadaharu doing the playing, actually, with Kagura looking on, her heart warmed by how much her dog and her best friend enjoy each other’s company.

At night, Kagura lies awake for a while, wondering what she should do about school.

Soyo is lying awake too. She rolls over and says, “If you’re worried about who will take care of Sadaharu while you’re living at the boarding house, he could live here, with me. That way, you’ll know he’s taken care of, and you can come visit him whenever you like.”

Kagura thinks about the offer. She trusts Soyo to properly feed Sadaharu and play with him and take him on walks, much more so than she trusts Gintoki to do the same. Plus, Sadaharu really likes Soyo, and he of course loves the big yard at the palace. “Thanks, Soyo-chan. I’ll talk it over with Gin-chan and let you know what I decide.”

 

**β (1.130238): Day -170 (Saturday)**

**> >    >>    >>**

**β (1.130238): Day -168 (Monday)**

The first thing a very hungover Gintoki hears when he gets back from three days and nights of debauchery is the sarcastic, cross greeting, “Welcome home, you drunkard!!”

He winces and covers his ears. “Aah! Not so loud! What are you, a baboon in heat?”

Kagura kicks her volume up ten decibels and says, “You’re the one in heat! You were supposed to be home yesterday, but you couldn’t drag yourself out of some space prostitute’s bed!”

He would chuckle at the idea of calling Tatsuma and Mutsu ‘space prostitutes’ next time he sees them, but everything – Kagura’s noisiness, the fact that it isn’t pitch black in his home, etc. – is nauseating. He covers his mouth with a hand, to hold back the rising acid.

“While you were drunk, did you send a text to Soyo-chan, telling her I decided to go to school?”

The confusing question pushes him over the edge. To get her off his back, he quickly answers, “Maybe,” and runs to the toilet and empties his stomach’s contents into it.

In the evening, once he has completely puked out his hangover-slash-remaining-inebriation, he sits on the couch and watches TV with Kagura. His mind goes back to her earlier question. His memory of it is a bit muddy (because of the aforementioned inebriation), but he thinks he caught the gist of it. He turns to her and asks, “You’ve decided you want to go to school?”

She looks at him with shimmering doe-eyes and says, “I haven’t decided for sure, but Soyo-chan offered to get me into a private, all-girls junior high—”

He interrupts her to ask, “What do the uniforms look like?”

Confused, she asks, “Huh?”

He’s relieved to hear it’s an all-girls school, but that doesn’t put his fear entirely to rest. To explain his concern, he uses his hand to demarcate hypothetical skirt lengths. He puts his hand just above his knee and asks, “Here,” he moves the hand up to near-genital-level, “or here?”

Though her hair is up, she motions as though she’s flipping her hair over her shoulder and says smugly, “You dirty old man! You want to see more of Kagura’s beautiful body…”

He gets a disgusted look on his face and interrupts, “Who would want that?”

She pinches his arm.

“Owww!”

She asks timidly and with genuine concern, “Will you be ok without me and Sadaharu around?”

He lived alone for a long time before they came around, so he’ll be fine. He doesn’t understand what she’s so worried about. “It’s not like you’re moving to another planet, right?”

“I will be living on-campus, in a boarding house, and Sadaharu will be living with Soyo-chan, but Sadaharu and I will visit whenever you feel lonely!”

Ahh, that explains it. She will be moving out. Well, that’s ok, he supposes. She would probably be better off surrounded by professional educators and girls her age, rather than hanging out with a Madao like him. The arrangement would probably be better for Sadaharu as well. He can live in a place with a yard, instead of being cramped in an apartment.

It had never occurred to him Kagura might have the desire, but it seems obvious that someone who lives on this planet for the express purpose of trying to be a better person might want to go to school. He didn’t exactly get a full education; if she has the opportunity and desire to do so, he will support her. He tells her with rare sincerity, “I think you should do it.”

“Thank you, Gin-chan!”

He caveats his sincere support with, “But you still have to come back and work for me during school breaks.”

She sticks her tongue out at him. “You’re dumb.”

He sticks his out in return. “You smell bad.”

 

**β (1.130212): Day -168 (Monday)**

**> >    >>    >>**

**β (1.130212): Day -153 (Tuesday)**

Gintoki and Kagura sit on one side of a low table in the shogun’s palace, going over the details of Kagura’s school enrollment. Because the shogun is driving her enrollment, the application being submitted is a mere formality. There’s no chance Kagura won’t be accepted into the school, and the school’s usual requirements of entrance exams and meetings with the board of directors are being waived.

Soyo sits on the opposite side of the table, with a packet of school paperwork in front of her. She explains, “For the purposes of enrolling you in school, Sakata Gintoki is your father, and your mother is deceased.”

“What?! I’m not old enough to have a kid her age!” Gintoki objects. It’s true, but only by maybe a year at most, not that he’s going to say that in front of a couple of fourteen-year-old virgin girls.

“It’s fine, Gin-chan. You look like a grey-haired Madao. No one will question it.”

“Who are you calling Madao?! I hope you’re as bald as your dad by the time you turn fifteen!”

Gintoki and Kagura fight, pulling each other’s hair, until Soyo clears her throat delicately to get their attention, at which point they sit properly again. “As I was saying…You will be in the school’s records as Sakata Kagura, born in Edo. My tutor is listed as having been in charge of your home schooling for the last eight years. He is at your disposal for tutoring, starting now and as you need assistance once you start school. School begins Monday, April 7. You may move into the boarding house starting the Friday before.”

Soyo slides the packet of paperwork across the table, and Gintoki flips through it. _…Hachimitsu Private Academy…_ Hopefully they keep it as an all-girls school, because we all know what would go down if they ever let a handful of boys enroll. _…Edo’s premier all-girls junior high…_ Uh-huh, that’s nice, but it’s not what he’s looking for…

Ah, here it is: The visitor policy. _No visitors are allowed without prior authorization from the school’s administrative office, with the exception of parents or guardians visiting in cases of emergency. With the exception of authorized visits from fathers or brothers, males are not permitted on campus at any time during the school year._ Yes, that’s what he was hoping to see. No boys allowed.

He flips through more of the papers and finds one with photos and bios of the teachers and staff. It looks like the female-to-male ratio of school employees is about 9:1, which is perfect. What few men work there appear to be old and/or ugly.

As he signs the paperwork in the indicated places, the full implication of Kagura’s going to school sinks in. On the one hand, the thought of getting the kid and dog out of his house holds a lot of appeal. It will be way quieter. His food expenses will drop to near-zero by comparison, he can walk around the place naked whenever he wants, and he can bring dates home, which will save him money on love hotels. On the other hand, knowing Kagura is moving out in six weeks gets him a little choked-up. He feels like he’s been much more of a dad to her than her real dad ever was. He’s starting to understand why fathers get all crazy and emotional when their daughters leave the nest.

“Do you have any questions on the paperwork?”

He lays down the last required signature, stealthily swipes away a tear, and says, “Nope. Now, let’s see that uniform.”

Kagura and Soyo leave the room, so Kagura can change clothes. When they come back, Kagura is in a long-sleeved white blouse, with blue cuffs, a blue sailor collar, and a red bow. Her blue pleated skirt is near-knee-length and shows no more leg than the cheongsam she often wears. She’s wearing white socks that come up to her mid-calf and black loafers. For some unknown reason, she’s wearing glasses with thick lenses. Basically, she’s wearing her 3-Z outfit. Gintoki is relieved; he can rest assured no boys will be sexually attracted to her when she looks so fuddy-duddy.

 

**β (1.130212): Day -153 (Tuesday)**

**> >    >>    >>**

**β (1.130212): Day -107 (Saturday)**

It must be nice having friends in high places. Most of the rooms in the boarding house have two bunk beds and bath facilities shared by multiple rooms, but Kagura has a two-bed room with an ensuite bathroom, all to herself.

It doesn’t take much work to get her moved in. Most of what she needs is provided by the school, and the rest is small stuff, like toiletries and pajamas.

_*Sniffle sniffle*_

“Gin-chan, are you crying again?”

“I told you; I’m not crying!” he lies, wiping tears from his eyes, making the excuse, “All the damn trees are in bloom, and I forgot to buy antihistamines.”

“I can come visit anytime you need.”

“I don’t need you to visit! Gin-san is fine on his own!”

 

**β (1.130212): Day -107 (Saturday)**

**> >    >>    >>**

**β (1.130212): Day 1 (Monday)**

“Good morning, Kagura-chan. Are you going to be working with us during summer break?”

“Yep! Gin-chan needs a woman around sometimes, to take care of him.”

“He definitely needs somebody. He doesn’t listen to me at all. He still refuses to get a cell phone, no matter how many times I tell him his clients expect to be able to get ahold of him, even if he’s not here.”

“What a cheapskate old man! I can’t believe he still has that broken microwave lying around, too. He needs to buy a new one.”

“Let’s talk to him when he gets up and tell him he needs to buy a cell phone and a microwave.”

“I’ll punch him in the kidneys if he doesn’t do it!”

“I’m going to steal all the money out of his wallet right now, so he doesn’t sneak off to the pachinko parlor when we try to talk to him.”

“Oh, good idea, Shinpachi!”

**β (1.130212): Day 1 (Monday)**

**> >    >>    >>**

**β (1.130212): Day 42 (Sunday)**

The universe stops shaking around Gintoki, but he’s still completely disoriented. Just a second ago, he was standing in the kitchen with Kagura, sending a D-mail. Now he’s sitting on his couch. He looks around the living room and sees no sign of Kagura or Sadaharu, but he isn’t alone. There’s a sexy brunet man with v-shaped bangs wearing a white-with-blue-swirls kimono sitting at his desk, working on paperwork.

He is about to panic. He doesn’t know what to do next.

He decides his first action needs to be confirming he changed world lines. Shit, does he even have his phone? Less than a minute ago, it was in Kagura’s hand… Nevermind; it’s in his pocket. He pulls it out and sees that the divergence meter reading has changed from 1.130238 to 1.130212. He checks his text messages and sees the message to Soyo as outgoing a minute ago. Of course, there is no past incoming message recorded on his phone this time, as the message was sent to someone else’s phone number.

That all makes sense, but…What is he doing in the living room?!?! Every other time he sent a D-mail, he ended up right where he started, standing in the kitchen, in front of the microwave. What’s different this time? The most likely answer is the writer’s lack of sufficiently thinking through the time travel mechanism, resulting in a half-assed retcon, but outside of that far-flung possibility, the only thing that makes sense is if he lands wherever he was at that moment in the new world line. In other words, he ends up wherever Past Gin-san was. So, normally, he’s in his kitchen? Exactly how much of his life does he waste in his kitchen?

Wait, wait…That’s not even the biggest burning question here. Question number one needs to be: How far back did Kagura send the message? He opens his time conversion app, and it tells him 5,064 hours is 211 days or essentially 30 weeks or seven months.

Seven… MONTHS?!?!

He has only owned the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) for a month-and-a-half! The message went back to five-and-a-half months before that! It’s the end of August now, so the message went all the way back to the beginning of February?! He’s lucky he still bought the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) and that sending a message so far back didn’t cause the universe to blow up or something.

He looks around and sees a lack of empty sukonbu boxes and white fur. It seems like Kagura and Sadaharu aren’t here and haven’t been for some time. Where they hell are they? Are they ok? It’s still August, so kids aren’t back in school yet, right? Even if kids were in school, today is Sunday. Dammit, he’s so confused. He stands up and walks over to Kagura’s closet. He slides the door open and finds it devoid of signs of Yato or Inugami life.

A voice comes from across the room, “What are you doing? She isn’t here.” When Gintoki shoots Hijikata a confused look, he clucks disapprovingly and shakes his head. “She even put a copy of her school calendar on your fridge, because she knew you’d forget, but you still forgot. Tomorrow’s the first day back to school after summer break, so she’s at her boarding house.”

Gintoki is overwhelmed with confusion. The most articulate question he can think to ask is, “…S-Sadaharu…?”

Looking and sounding puzzled by the question, Hijikata answers deliberately, “Still lives at the shogun’s palace.” His look turns to one of concern. He stands up, walks over to Gintoki, and asks in a worried tone, “Did you forget that too?”

He looks at Hijikata with a forced smile on his face and fakes like he’s not in shock to find out his roommates no longer live with him. “N-no! I didn’t forget! Obviously!!”

When Kagura asked to send the D-mail, he assumed she was talking about wanting to enroll in school the _following_ school year, seven months in the _future_. He hadn’t imagined she meant the _current_ school year. So…she moved into a boarding house at the beginning of the school year, five months ago?

Hijikata touches his face and gently asks, “Oi, are you crying?”

Uhhh… Is he? He reaches up and feels wet on his own face. A sob almost comes out of his mouth. Yep, definitely crying. How embarrassing. It’s just because this is so sudden. He thought he would have time to prepare for her starting school, and to find out she moved out almost a half-a-year ago makes his heart hurt in a way he’s not used to.

Hijikata gives him a reassuring hug. “It’s ok. You’re still her Earth dad. Winter break will be here before you know it. She’ll come visit, wiping boogers on your clothes and eating you out of house and home. You’ll be praying for school to start up again quickly.”

Gintoki hugs back and lies into Hijikata’s shoulder, between sniffles, “I’m not crying. It’s just that the rice plants are blooming, and I forgot to buy antihistamines.”

Hijikata hugs him for a minute, letting him continue to pretend he’s not crying, then he says, “I have another couple hours of work to get through. After I’m done and I drop the paperwork off for Kondou-san to review, how about if we go to a matinee showing of _Alien vs Yakuza 4_?”

Sniffling, Gintoki asks, “Will you buy me popcorn?”

Hijikata kisses his forehead and assures with good-natured teasing, “Yes, you sorry excuse for a samurai.”

Gintoki wipes away the last of his tears and says, “Ok.”

Hijikata sits at the desk again and goes back to his paperwork, which leaves Gintoki with a couple hours to get everything straight in his mind. In order of least-to-most confusing…

First, Sadaharu is not here. He lives at the shogun’s palace. Having a dog that eats too much and poops massive poops is a pain in the ass, but he’s Gintoki’s first pet. He misses him. Ugh, shit…he’s going to start crying again. Time to think about something else.

Second, Hijikata is here. Judging by the fact that he’s wearing Gintoki’s kimono, he probably spent the night and didn’t sneak out before Gintoki woke up. That means Past Gin-san deciphered they key to getting Hijikata to stay until morning. He’s certainly not unhappy Hijikata is here, but he’s kind of pissed, because he has no idea how Past Gin-san pulled it off, so he can’t repeat his success.

Third, Kagura is not here. She’s in school. Which school? Hijikata said something about her schedule being on the refrigerator. He gets up and goes into the kitchen. Sure enough, there are three sheets of paper stuck to the fridge with an Otsu magnet.

The first sheet is a school calendar for Hachimitsu Private Academy, which touts itself as Edo’s premier all-girls junior high. The school’s name is hopefully only coincidentally reminiscent of something ecchi, and it’s a relief to find out it’s an all-girls school. As expected, the calendar shows tomorrow as the first day back to school after summer break.

The second sheet of paper is a map of the campus. Kagura even indicated the location of her room within the on-campus boarding house. He makes a mental note of the school’s address, for possible future stalking purposes. The final sheet is her class schedule, which also seems like it could come in handy.

There are so many aspects of Kagura being in school that worry him. First and foremost, what does her uniform look like? Is she going to attract boys from other schools or, even worse, male teachers? His anxiety spikes when he notices she has physical education second period on Mondays. He hadn’t thought about the other clothing the school might supply for her. What do the P.E. uniforms look like? Oh, no! The map of the campus shows a swimming pool! Does that mean she will be baring tons of skin in a bathing suit sometimes?!

He yanks the hair on his head. Who knew having Kagura go to school could cause so much worry? If he keeps up this stress level, his head will be as shiny as Umibozu’s by sundown. He forces himself to calm down. Kagura can take care of herself. Going to school like a normal kid will be good for her; it will be better than her hanging out with a Madao like him all day.

A tear runs down his cheek. He wipes it away before he goes back out to the living room. He refuses to bawl his eyes out again.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

Five hours later, the end credits roll on _Alien vs Yakuza 4._ Gintoki and Hijikata each pretend they don’t notice the other bawling his eyes out in response to watching the last surviving Jo-aniki clone sacrificing himself to save his Yakuza family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for spoiling the ending of _Alien vs Yakuza 4_ for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet. (*`∇`*)


	10. Dogma in Ergosphere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki’s relationship with Hijikata changes.

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130212): Day 43 (Monday)**

Yesterday, Gintoki thought he was dealing well with all the changes made by Kagura’s D-mail, but confusion and worry rob him of sleep early in the morning.

He wonders why Sadaharu is living at the shogun’s palace, and he doesn’t know who he could ask without sounding like he lost his marbles. Did Past Gin-san refuse to take care of him once Kagura moved out? He hopes not. He doesn’t think he’s ever been that much of a heartless asshole.

He also wishes he knew how Past Gin-san got Hijikata to stay until morning. He assumes it’s directly related to his living alone, which would make it easier for him and Hijikata to get together. It may be as simple as Past Gin-san having had more opportunities to talk Hijikata into staying all night. Regardless, he’s grateful for whatever Past Gin-san did to make it happen.

Most of all, though, he is unable to sleep due to worrying about Kagura. His concern is stupid, he knows, and it’s made doubly stupid by knowing today isn’t her first day of school – she started school five months ago, in April – but that knowledge doesn’t make him any less worried. Is she happy? Is she flunking out? What does her school uniform look like? What if she looks good in her uniform and meets a boy from another school and starts dating?!

He handles his worries the way any good dad would, by stalking her. Since he’s already awake at what feels to him like an ungodly early hour, he gets up and sneaks onto her school’s grounds. Unfortunately, he’s caught right away.

A woman’s voice from behind him calls, “Excuse me, sir. Are you here to see your daughter?”

That sounds like a convenient lie. He turns around and laughs nervously. “ _Ah-hahaha_ …Yeah, you caught me. I hate to be one of _those_ dads, but I woke up early this morning, worrying about her.”

The woman gives a soft smile and says, “It’s no problem. You can shadow her for the day, if you’d like.”

That would work; it would be like stalking, without the risk of getting arrested. “That would be great, thank you.”

“Please follow me.”

He follows her to the school’s administrative offices, where there are already several fathers waiting, their faces bearing the same ashamed, ‘I can’t let go of my little girl’ look. The woman, who it turns out is the school’s vice-principal, shows the group of fathers to their daughters’ first period classrooms.

The third class they stop at is Kagura’s. The vice-principal opens the door and says, “My apologies for interrupting, sensei. Kagura-chan’s father is here to see her.”

When Gintoki steps into the room, Kagura stands up and exclaims, “Gin-, I mean, um… Daddy!”

He tries not to show disgust at a fourteen-year-old girl calling him ‘daddy.’

She runs up to him and hugs him, whispering menacingly into his ear, “If you embarrass me, I will hurt you.”

He’s so relieved to see her looking unattractive, he doesn’t even mind her threatening him with bodily harm. In her 3-Z outfit, thick-lensed glasses and all, she’s the polar opposite of physically attractive; there’s no way any boy in his right mind would make a move on her.

“You may pull up a chair next to Kagura-chan’s desk, if you like, Sakata-san,” the teacher offers.

Kagura’s homeroom teacher is female; that’s a relief as well. He does as suggested, carrying a chair over to Kagura’s row and sitting down. As he observes the class, he’s glad to see that Kagura is happy and seems to get along with her fellow students and her homeroom teacher. Being here makes him a bit nostalgic for his school days, when he trustingly looked up to Shouyou-sensei as the model of who he wanted to be when he grew up, back before he and his closest friends were labeled ‘terrorists.’

Having gotten caught up in thinking about the past, the first class period is over before he knows it. Next is physical education, he recalls from her class schedule. He stands up to accompany Kagura, but she says, “Gin-chan, weren’t you supposed to meet Shinpachi at the net café at 9:30?”

9:30? Otherwise known as five minutes ago? Shit. Is this something else that changed with Kagura’s D-mail?

“Did you forget?”

“No! I didn’t forget, obviously!” He quickly improvises, “We decided to meet at 10 instead. I was planning to leave in a few minutes. Now get going to your next class!”

“Sakata-san, would you like to observe P.E. from the bleachers?” the teacher asks.

“Yes, for a few minutes, then I have to get to work.”

He is led to the bleachers overlooking the track and field area. After a few minutes, girls start coming out onto the field, wearing blue shorts and white t-shirts, which puts him on-edge; it’s possible Kagura could look cute in that. Luckily, she comes out in a full track suit, with a long-sleeved blue zip-up jacket over her t-shirt and blue long pants. Ah, that’s right; she’s sensitive to the sun, so she probably wouldn’t want to be outside for the better part of an hour in a t-shirt and shorts on a sunny day like today. Having confirmed that he has very little to worry about, he stands up and waves, catching Kagura’s attention. She smiles and waves back, and he heads to the net café.

After yelling at him for being late, Shinpachi looks at Gintoki, like he’s expecting him to say something intelligent. “Gin-san…?”

He doesn’t have anything intelligent to say, of course, because he remembers nothing about why he had plans to meet at a net café with Shinpachi. He leans back and picks his ear.

“Gin-san,” Shinpachi chastises him, “Do you even remember what this job is about?”

Gintoki takes in a deep breath, like he’s about to answer the question properly. Instead, he blows the ball of wax from the tip of his pinky and says, “Not really.”

Shinpachi sighs and explains, “We’re being paid generously to look into our client’s daughter’s boyfriend.”

The words ‘paid generously’ catch Gintoki’s attention. “How ‘generously’?”

Shinpachi shows Gintoki the envelope of money they were given as a retainer, and Gintoki suddenly straightens up and takes the job seriously.

Just two days ago, Gintoki would have thought a man was batshit crazy for paying them that kind of money to dig up dirt on his daughter’s boyfriend, but now he understands. Being the dad of a teenage daughter is basically the same thing as being completely insane, he’s finding.

Nothing of note turns up in their online search into the boyfriend’s background. They agree to take shifts watching the boyfriend for the next couple days. Gintoki will take the shift starting now, and Shinpachi will relieve him in twelve hours, at 10:30 tonight. They will switch off again at 10:30 a.m. and 10:30 p.m. tomorrow, then they will reassess whether it’s worth continuing to keep the boyfriend under surveillance.

The boyfriend does nothing interesting or unexpected all day. At 10:30 in the evening, Shinpachi comes to relieve Gintoki.

He’s pretty sure there’s nothing to eat at home, so he picks up some junk food and strawberry milk from the conbini on his way home. Sitting around watching someone for twelve hours doesn’t sound like it would be exhausting, but it’s incredibly boring, and it drains you of energy. He isn’t in the mood to do much when he gets home, other than eat junk food and watch television in his boxers, which he can do now that he lives alone, which he is definitely not going to cry about again, because he’s a grown man, dammit.

He walks inside, shakes his boots off, and heads to his bedroom. He steps barefoot past the man sitting on his couch…

Wait…what? …Man? …On couch?

He takes a couple steps backward, and the man on the couch tilts his head back to look at him.

“Where’s my greeting?” the man asks.

Gintoki is confused. Why is Hijikata sitting on his couch? Did they have plans to hook up today? Oh man, if he blew off plans with Hijikata, he’s going to get his ass kicked, not to mention he won’t get any play. He figures he better fake knowing what’s going on as well as he can. He says, “I’m home?”

Hijikata stands up and walks around the couch. Gintoki is certain this is the part where he gets punched in the face, but he’s wrong. Hijikata kisses him on the lips and says, “Welcome home.”

Uhhhh…Is this normal for them now? Hijikata just shows up at his place whenever, without so much as a text message, even if they don’t have plans? Even if no one is home? Does this mean they are something more than friends with benefits? This seems more like they’re dating. Shit, shit, shit! What the hell did he miss?! Are they officially dating now?! Is Hijikata his boyfriend now?!

While Gintoki’s brain is overrun with questions, Hijikata continues speaking. “Something big came up at work, and I’ll be too busy to come over for a while. I’m going to try to finish this project up by the weekend, but it may take closer to a week.”

Crap, he better say something before Hijikata notices he has only said two words since he walked in the door. “Uh, that’s, um…” His mind is swirling; he can’t put together a coherent sentence. He lets the bag of junk food drop to the floor, puts his hands on either side of Hijikata’s face, and examines the man who is now looking at him quizzically.

Dating, huh? He didn’t think he wanted anything serious, but now that he’s thinking about it, amazingly, he’s ok with the idea. He’s maybe even more than just ‘ok’ with it. Gintoki has never had a serious relationship. The uncharted waters are scary. But how long could just fucking and watching anime together last? Does he really want to have an emotionless relationship that eventually fizzles out? Would he be ok with Hijikata moving on to someone else? No. Fuck no.

“Yorozuya?”

Gintoki only vaguely hears Hijikata speak, because he’s deep in thought. Does he want a serious, long-term relationship with Hijikata? He considers it and concludes he does. Fuck, how terrifying. He kisses him, slowly but hungrily savoring the taste of his lips. He breaks the kiss to look Hijikata in the eyes and says, honest and serious enough that he catches even himself off-guard, “I don’t want to go for a week without seeing you.”

Hijikata visibly swallows.

Oops. Yeah, Gintoki definitely isn’t the only one who got caught off-guard.

Hijikata shifts his gaze toward the floor, pulls away, and says, “I, uh, have an early morning tomorrow, so I’m going to bed.”

Oh, shit. That must have been more honesty and seriousness than Hijikata usually got from Past Gin-san. Rather than risk digging himself an even deeper grave, he just says, “All right. Goodnight,” and lets Hijikata go.

Hijikata goes to bed, and Gintoki sits on the couch and eats junk food, though he’s too preoccupied to enjoy or even taste it. He feels like a complete ass for reading the situation so wrong, and he’s conflicted about the clearer understanding he has gained of his own feelings. He’s glad he figured out how he really feels, because he doesn’t like being deluded, but it would be less painful to continue living in ignorant bliss. He’s troubled by his awareness that his desire to be more than friends with benefits is one-sided.

A few hours later, Gintoki lies down next to a sleeping Hijikata and falls asleep.

He wakes up alone – not surprising, since Hijikata said he had an early morning. He thinks back on last night and knows he fucked up. Hopefully, if he pretends it never happened, Hijikata will repay him in kind, and their relationship can stay the same. Down the road, maybe Hijikata will be ready for more.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130212): Day 52 (Wednesday)**

When Hijikata said he would be busy with work for a week at the most, he thought he was giving a conservative estimate. He obviously is bad at making estimates, because that conversation was a week-and-a-half ago, and he just finished up the project he was working on.

Now that he has time to think about something other than work, he can’t stop thinking about that moment with Gintoki. He doesn’t know how to describe it. Gintoki seemed so serious. It was like having him by his side is the most important thing in the world to him. If he didn’t know Gintoki better, he might have read it exactly as it appeared, as an expression of deep feelings, but he must have misunderstood. Gintoki has proven he barely has the emotional capacity to be friends with benefits; there’s no way he has feelings beyond wanting someone to fuck and sleep next to. That’s totally fine, for now. Hijikata is willing to wait for Gintoki to warm up to the idea of dating. Hell, it’s not like he’s ready for it himself. He would probably faint if he had to speak the word ‘dating’ out loud.

He’s in desperate need of a shower or bath and a fresh change of clothes, but he’s afraid if he doesn’t leave right now, he’ll get roped into another week-and-a-half-long project. He can always bathe at Gintoki’s and borrow clothes from him. He texts Gintoki, _“You free tonight?”_

 _“Yep. Come over anytime,”_ is the response, seconds later.

_“Be there in 15.”_

He spends the quarter-hour on the way to Gintoki’s coaching himself. He can’t dwell on that odd moment from last time. He has to act normal. If Gintoki acts normal as well, he will know the oddness of the moment was just his imagination running away with him.

He walks into Gintoki’s place, steps to the threshold of the living room, and speaks to the man on the couch, letting him know what he’s doing. “I smell terrible. I’m going to take a bath.”

For a second, Gintoki looks at him wide-eyed, before immediately looking away, waving a hand over his shoulder, and saying, “Go for it.”

Hijikata’s mind races as he goes to the bathroom and gets himself clean. It’s not his imagination; Gintoki is definitely behaving strangely. What could it possibly mean? What if his initial read on the odd moment with Gintoki last time they were together was completely the opposite of what was happening? What if, rather than having deep feelings and wanting to be more than friends with benefits, Gintoki is behaving strangely because he wants to _end_ their relationship? Aagh! Not knowing what the fuck is going on is going to drive him crazy!

He realizes he’s jumping to conclusions. He hasn’t even been at Gintoki’s place for four minutes, and he’s already assuming their relationship is over, just because Gintoki’s behavior is slightly out-of-the-ordinary. Isn’t it normal for a weirdo to act weird? He’s overreacting, and he knows it. He takes a few deep breaths and lets the hot steam filling the bathroom calm him.

A plan – He needs a plan. He’s going to finish cleaning up, borrow some clothes from Gintoki, and see if he wants to watch the next couple episodes of the anime. Without jumping to any more baseless conclusions, he will keep an eye out for Gintoki behaving abnormally, bearing in mind that Gintoki’s ‘normal’ is akin to most people’s ‘abnormal.’ Here he goes…

He wraps a towel around his waist and carries his sweaty uniform to Gintoki’s room, where he borrows a clean pair of boxers and a kimono. He comes out of the bedroom dressed and asks, “You want to watch another episode or two?”

“Sure,” Gintoki says, then a look of surprise flashes across his face when he sees Hijikata. He quickly looks away again.

Does he look funny or something? Hijikata looks himself up and down and sees nothing out-of-place. He touches his hair; it might be a little messy, since he’s letting it air-dry, but it shouldn’t be bad enough to elicit the look he just got from Gintoki.

Hijikata sits on the couch, turns on the television and Blu-ray player, and presses play. Hopefully the weird vibes he’s getting from Gintoki will dissipate once they start watching TV. The episode starts, and right away, Gintoki has a confused look on his face. What does this latest strange look mean? He can’t possibly be confused about what’s happening in the anime, right? Hijikata is screaming in frustration internally, but he doesn’t say anything; he just keeps watching Gintoki out of the corner of his eye.

A couple minutes pass, and the situation is no better. Gintoki is visibly distracted. He isn’t even looking at the television. Hijikata is tempted to suggest they watch the episode some other time, but Gintoki beats him to it. He reaches over, takes the remote from Hijikata’s lap, and shuts the TV off. He turns toward Hijikata, motions between them, pointing at each of them in turn several times, and asks feverishly, “What is this?”

Hijikata is utterly flabbergasted. Is Gintoki asking about the nature of their relationship, or something else? Hijikata doesn’t want to guess wrong, so he asks, “‘This’?”

“Yeah, ‘this,’ you know, _us._ What are we?” Gintoki asks insistently.

“Uh…I don’t…” He’s guessing this is one of those questions that has only one ‘right’ answer. To minimize his chances of inadvertently answering ‘wrong,’ he warily requests some choices. “What are my options?”

“You want this to be multiple choice? Sure, Oogushi-kun; no problem,” Gintoki says, his tense tone and furrowed brows betraying frustration at not receiving an immediate and straightforward answer to his question, “Are we: _A) Friends with benefits, B) Dating, C) Somewhere between A and B_ , or _D) None of the above_?”

What the…? Maybe he wasn’t mistaken when he sensed a deeper meaning beneath the surface of the odd moment they had the last time they were together. Now the problem is, what’s the ‘right’ answer to Gintoki’s question? If he were to be completely honest, the answer would be B, but if Gintoki is looking for A, saying B might scare him off. Then again, the opposite could be just as bad; if Gintoki wants B but he says A, it might hurt his feelings. D seems like the obvious ‘wrong’ answer, which leaves Hijikata with only one option. “Umm…C?” he guesses.

Uh-oh. That must have been one of the ‘wrong’ answers, because Gintoki looks pissed. “You want us to suffer in the purgatory between friends with benefits and dating?” Gintoki leans forward and asks earnestly, “What do you want us to be?”

Hijikata was focused on giving the ‘right’ answer, but Gintoki’s eyes are begging for honesty. Hijikata bites the bullet and tells the truth, avoiding using a word that scares him. “I want…B.”

Gintoki sounds desperately anxious as he verifies, “Really? You want to date me? You’re not just fucking with me, right?”

Hijikata tries not to visibly flinch at Gintoki’s use of the word ‘date.’ It’s what he wants, but it scares him. He assures, “I’m not fucking with you.” If Gintoki knew how long he’s had feelings for him, he wouldn’t be so insecure.

Gintoki visibly relaxes. A cautious smile appears on his face. He asks, “Can I get a kiss from my boyfriend?”

There are so many terrifying words being thrown around in this conversation. Kissing seems like a great way to cut down on the amount of speaking in general. Putting a hand on the back of his…um…b-…b-… Nope, he’s not ready to acknowledge he has a boyfriend. Putting his hand on the back of Gintoki’s head, he closes the small distance between them and kisses him.

The kiss is a nice _little_ distraction, but their relationship just took a big step forward, and a _big_ distraction is needed to keep Hijikata from flying into a panic. He breaks the kiss, stands up, and disrobes, draping the kimono over the back of the couch. He walks to the desk and gets condoms and lube from the drawer. He comes back and leans over, kissing a still-seated Gintoki and rubbing his cock through his pants.

Soon, Gintoki is nice and hard. He stands up and takes his clothes off.

Hijikata puts lube on himself and rolls the condom onto Gintoki. He then gets down on hands and knees on the rug.

Gintoki follows his lead, going down on his knees behind him and slowly pressing his way in.

Arms gently close around Hijikata’s torso, and he feels Gintoki’s hot breath on his neck. He hoped sex would distract him from thinking, but it’s not working as well as he’d like. This development – ‘dating,’ being ‘boyfriends’ – It’s what he wanted, but he’s such a pussy when it comes to matters of the heart. He’s so fucking terrified, he can’t even look his new boyfriend – goddamn, that’s a scary word – in the face during sex, for fear he will cry or scream when reality sinks in completely.

He needs more distraction. Pain. Pain will do the trick. It’s been over a week since they last had sex, and they skipped straight to anal without any preparation, so he’s feeling some discomfort, but he needs more if he’s to keep his brain from thinking too much. “Harder,” he demands.

Gintoki does as asked.

Hijikata’s discomfort increases, exactly the way he wants it to. Gintoki is pounding him, hard, deep, and fast. It’s a struggle to keep himself upright and in place on the rug. He can feel rug burns forming on his knees and the palms of his hands from the friction.

A hand reaches around his front, but he pushes it away. It will feel good, and he doesn’t want to feel any better than he already does. In a way, it’s unfortunate that he likes both being on the bottom and being on top, because he’s feeling more pleasure than he wants. He doesn’t want to cum, or more accurately, he thinks he doesn’t deserve to enjoy sex. He got what he wanted – he’s dating the person he’s had feelings for since forever – but all he feels is terror at being in a ‘real’ relationship. He’s ashamed of himself. He’s a coward, and a closet coward at that, because he’s too much of a coward to be honest about his fears.

As soon as Gintoki cums, Hijikata hastily crawls out from underneath him, stands up, goes to Gintoki’s bedroom, and puts his own clothes on. He wants to run away. At the very least, he needs a cigarette.

When he comes out of the bedroom, Gintoki is fully-clothed and looking concerned. Gintoki follows him to the entryway. “Hey, wait, Hijikata-kun…”

He ignores him, slips his boots on, and walks out the door. He lights a cigarette as he walks down the stairs. He expects Gintoki to follow him outside and is relieved when he doesn’t; he needs to be alone.

He walks down the street, smoking and beating the shit out of himself mentally.

Shit. Shit! What a fucking idiot he is! Not even ten minutes ago, he started officially dating Gintoki, and he already fucked it up! And for what? Because he doesn’t have a functioning set of balls hanging between his legs? He did last time he looked.

He stops walking and rubs his aching temples with one hand. He can’t let this end already, and definitely not like this, with him running away like a sissy. He puts the cigarette out, turns around, and walks back, ashamed but knowing he won’t be able to live with himself if he doesn’t go back and face his screw-ups.

He quietly walks back up the stairs, slides the door open, steps in, slides it shut, and slips his boots off. He sees movement in the kitchen out of the corner of his eye as he walks down the hallway. He looks to the left and sees Gintoki standing there, with his cell phone in one hand and the index finger of his other hand reached out, like he’s about to press a button on the microwave. What the hell is he doing?

Before he can decide whether he cares to ask, Gintoki volunteers nervously, “Oh, uh…the power went out for a little while last night, and I was resetting the clock on the microwave… Anyway…are you ok?”

The thing about resetting the clock on the microwave sounded like a lie, but why would he lie about that? He decides to ignore the weird lie, because they have more important things to discuss. He gestures toward the living room and says, “Can we talk?”

Gintoki nods eagerly and follows him.

They sit on the couch, and Hijikata admits, “There’s one thing you should know about your…” he forces out the word that threatens to choke him as it comes up his throat, “…boyfriend. He’s sort of…terrified of relationships.”

A look of comprehension crosses Gintoki’s face, like that was the piece of information he needed for everything to make sense.

The change makes Hijikata feel guilty for not being honest sooner. The looks of confusion he saw on Gintoki’s face multiple times tonight were probably because he didn’t realize how afraid he is.

“Do we need to take a step back? I’m ok with staying friends with benefits, if that’s what you want…” Gintoki offers, with a combination of reluctance and sincerity that makes Hijikata’s chest ache.

“No!” he says, louder than he meant to, then at a more reasonable volume, he repeats, “No. I want us to…” he takes a calming breath before he finishes the sentence, “…date.”

“Ok,” Gintoki says, looking and sounding relieved.

Hijikata feels a little better now that the truth is out, but he’s still feeling stressed and scared. You know what might help him get over his fear? Liquid courage. Sighing and running his fingers through his hair in an unconscious expression of anxiety, he asks, “Can we go out for drinks?”

Gintoki’s smile turns up farther. He leans over, kisses Hijikata’s cheek, and says, “Yeah.” He takes Hijikata’s hand and notices the rug burn. Sounding guilty, he asks, “I did this?” Hijikata nods. “Your knees too?” Hijikata nods again. “You should have said something…”

Hijikata brushes him off. “Aren’t you a sadist? Don’t you enjoy giving your sex partners rug burn?” When Gintoki still looks concerned, Hijikata assures, “Hey, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it, ok?” He then stands up, takes a whiff toward his own clothes, and turns his nose up. “My uniform smells like rancid meat. Do you mind if I wear your kimono out?”

“There’s one with a different pattern in there, if you want to avoid looking like you’re having drinks with your fraternal twin.”

“Good point, thanks.”

While Hijikata changes clothes, Gintoki allows himself a small panic attack. Tonight did not go the way he planned at all. He really, truly intended to act normal, but he kept getting surprised. Hijikata just walked into his place, without knocking – not that he minds, but that was a first. Hijikata borrowed his clothes, without asking – again, not that he minds, but he wasn’t expecting to suddenly see him in his kimono. He tried to hold it together, but he lost it. He couldn’t bear to go another minute not knowing where they stood.

Shit, he had no idea Hijikata was afraid of relationships. No wonder he freaked out when he got all serious and _‘I don’t want to go a week without seeing you’_ gushy on him last time they were together. He wishes he’d known about Hijikata’s fear before he started talking about dating and calling him his boyfriend. He unknowingly pushed too far, too fast. He thought the whole thing was over less than ten minutes after it started!

If there is a god or gods, Gintoki is eternally grateful to him, her or them for having Hijikata come back just in time to stop him from sending a D-mail to himself nine days ago, with the message he had composed: _“Stay fwb. He doesn’t want more.”_ That would have been a fucking disaster! He maybe would have never found out Hijikata really is interested in more!

Hijikata comes out of his bedroom, looking gorgeous. Gintoki is tempted to say as much, but he doesn’t want to scare his easily-scared boyfriend any more than he already has tonight. Heh-heh, ‘boyfriend.’ He gets to use that word! He’s ecstatic! As Hijikata slips on a pair of borrowed sandals and he puts on his boots, Gintoki asks, grinning like an idiot, “Does this count as a date? Am I allowed to say that word?”

Hijikata punches him in the arm. “Shut up. Don’t make fun of me.” He blushes and answers the former question in a pouty mumble, “And yeah, it’s a date.”

Holy shit, he is so cute! Gintoki has long known Hijikata is hot, but he’s just now noticing he’s adorable to boot.

“I’ll pay,” Gintoki offers, which only gets a skeptical raised eyebrow from Hijikata. “I’m serious!” He really is. He has money, for once. The job looking into the client’s daughter’s boyfriend turned up nothing, but the retainer was enough money to live off of for a while, especially with his continued refusal to be anything less than three months behind on rent.

They go out and drink, laughing and having fun. They stumble home drunkenly, making out in an alley on the way (Hijikata refusing to fuck Gintoki right then and there when he asks for it), and they pass out together on Gintoki’s futon.

Gintoki wakes up alone and hungover but happy, partly thanks to last night and partly thanks to the note he found under his Justaway alarm clock: _“Thanks for last night. I have Sunday off, so I’ll come by late Saturday night.”_

That gives him two-and-a-half days to get caught up on the anime they’re watching. Hijikata fired up episode eleven last night, but as far as Gintoki knows, they should be on episode seven. Man, he was so lost when that episode started!

He can’t wait for the next two-and-a-half-days to pass, so he can see his boyfriend again. (He still can’t believe he gets to use the word ‘boyfriend’!!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I can’t believe it took me ten chapters to get these guys to use the word ‘boyfriend.’ [Wipes sweat from brow] It’s hard work writing a relationship between these two boys!


	11. Metaphysics Necrosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was longer than I like but not long enough to split in two, so it gets two chapter summaries:
> 
> 1) Of the two kids, Shinpachi is the well-behaved one, right? 
> 
> 2) Hijikata, Gintoki, and handcuffs. Read into that what you will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added tags: dadtoki (because that's a thing in this story); bisexual Gintoki & bisexual Hijikata (just in case anyone is picky about that).

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130212): Day 65 (Tuesday)**

Gintoki and Hijikata have been officially dating for almost two weeks. Their relationship hasn’t changed much compared to when they were just friends with benefits, other than Hijikata now uses words that used to scare him enough to make his heart stop. He calls what they’re doing ‘dating’ (e.g., “What am I thinking, _dating_ someone who eats so much candy? Gross.”) and refers to himself and Gintoki as each other’s ‘boyfriends’ (i.e., “You’re lucky your _boyfriend_ pays for everything when you go out.”). He has even spoken the word ‘couple’ in reference to himself and Gintoki (in the context of having just cum really hard during a round of drunk sex, wondering aloud, “How many _couples_ do you think have sex this good? Not many, I bet.”).

When Gintoki thinks about his boyfriend, he finds he’s rapidly running out of words that properly describe how he feels about him. He’s beyond ‘like’ and ‘want.’ He hasn’t figured out what words represent the next level up.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130212): Day 68 (Friday)**

“Gin-san, can I talk to you?”

It’s only one-third of the problem trio approaching him, as the other two-thirds don’t live with him anymore, which he has finally gotten used to. “What’s up, Shinpachi?”

The young man adjusts his glasses and shuffles uncomfortably. If he’s here to talk birds and bees, the best Gintoki can think to do for him is take him to a place where he can use the internet in private. “I know it’s very important to stay on the Steins Gate world line, but I was hoping I could use the Phone Microwave—”

“No.” Gintoki cuts Shinpachi off mid-sentence. After the near-miss a couple weeks ago, when he was stopped seconds before sending a D-mail that would have kept him from dating Hijikata, he swore off time travel for good. He won’t use the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) for anyone, including himself, ever again.

Shinpachi’s disappointment is evident in his slumped shoulders.

Gintoki didn’t mean to be a dick, so he softens the message a bit. “I don’t blame you for being tempted to change the past, but you read the user’s guide; it’s dangerous. I’m sorry, but the answer is no.”

Shinpachi nods and maturely accepts the decision. “I understand.”

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130212): Day 71 (Monday)**

Shinpachi comes by Gintoki’s place in the morning to clean and run laundry.

“Good morning,” Shinpachi calls out. He’s unsurprised to receive no response. Gintoki is probably either hung over, passed out drunk, or still out drinking. He slides the bedroom doors open and sees Gintoki sleeping, which eliminates the third option. He crouches down next to the futon and says, “Wake up, Gin-san. I’ll make breakfast.”

Gintoki groans but doesn’t move. Normally, if he’s hung over, he’ll whine about not wanting to get up, but he seems to be basically passed out. Shinpachi figures he’ll leave him alone while he cleans the rest of the house. He starts to stand up, but he notices something on Gintoki’s phone, which is lying on the floor next to the futon. As with most smartphones, the lock screen shows the date, time and battery level, but this particular phone also shows the divergence meter reading. The divergence meter does not read 0.000000, the way Shinpachi expected it to; it reads 1.130212. That means they’re on a beta attractor field world line, which in turn means…

…this jerk lied to him! He made it sound like he hadn’t given in to the temptation to change the past, but he must have! All of his preaching about avoiding the dangers of time travel was a crock of crap!

Normally, Shinpachi wouldn’t dream of messing with someone’s phone without their permission, but he’s steaming angry and doesn’t care. Gintoki doesn’t even stir as Shinpachi uses his fingerprint to unlock the phone. He looks through the text message history, which is mostly texts between Gintoki and Hijikata, making arrangements to get together, but about a month back, there’s a sent text message that reads, _“I can’t wait to start school. Love, Ka.”_ The number at the bottom right of the archived message reads 5,064. Shinpachi recalls from his perusal of the user’s guide that the number represents how many hours the message was sent back in time. His anger level is upgraded to furious. Gintoki is such a hypocrite! He let Kagura send a D-mail back in time seven months but told him no when he asked? What the hell?!

He looks farther back through the history and finds three texts that are both from and to Gintoki’s phone number, sent 250, 239, and 96 hours into the past, respectively. Even though only the oldest message mentions Hijikata by name, it’s pretty obvious they are all about him. Shinpachi thought Kagura was being a little harsh when she insinuated Gintoki wouldn’t have gotten Hijikata to date him without the aid of a time machine, but it seems she was right.

Well, that settles it. If they were on the Steins Gate world line, Shinpachi wouldn’t dare risk sending a D-mail, but they aren’t. Gintoki has already sent four D-mails, including one on Kagura’s behalf, so what’s one more?

He’s going to send a D-mail that will fundamentally change who he is. If Gintoki doesn’t like it, it’s his own fault for lying and being passed-out drunk.

He takes the phone to the kitchen, enters an email address and message into the phone, enters 9,905 hours on both machines, and presses Send and Start.

 

**β (1.130212): Day 71 (Monday)**

**< <<   <<<   <<<**

**β (1.130212): Day -341 (Wednesday)**

Shinpachi sits at a computer at the net café, humming the melody to _Housou Kodo Gananbonomonjai_ as he checks the Otsu fan club email box, deleting junk mail and responding to members and people interested in joining the club. He stops humming when his attention is caught by an email that contains a single word: _“Gunmetal.”_ He looks to see who sent it, but there’s no sender name, and instead of an email address, the message came from a phone number.

He wasn’t sure he was ready to give up his usual grey glasses frames, but he sees no other explanation for this mysterious email than the universe telling him to push the envelope and go for the gunmetal grey frames instead. He smiles and is filled with belief in his ability to wear a pair of gunmetal-grey-framed glasses with confidence.

**β (1.130211): Day -341 (Wednesday)**

**> >>   >>>   >>>**

**β (1.130211): Day 71 (Monday)**

The universe shakes around Gintoki, waking him from his drink-induced slumber. Oh god, he’s going to throw up. He tries to stand up and get to the toilet, but he’s still kind of drunk, so he falls. He attempts to crawl the rest of the way, but he only makes it as far as the living room before he pukes all over the wood floor.

A concerned Shinpachi comes out of the kitchen, wearing his cleaning outfit, and asks, “Gin-san! Are you all right?”

Now that he has vomited, he feels a little better. Shinpachi comes over to help him stand, but he waves him off and answers using his stomach-acid-burned vocal cords, “I’m fine.”

“Let me clean that up,” Shinpachi says. He goes to the kitchen and comes back with a bucket of soapy water and a pile of rags.

“I’m going to take a bath,” Gintoki mumbles, forcing himself to stand and dragging himself down the hallway.

“I haven’t cleaned in there yet, so don’t feel bad if you get sick again,” Shinpachi says reassuringly.

“Thanks, Shinpachi-kun,” he says in a hoarse voice, without turning around, bracing himself with a hand against the wall in order to stay upright as he walks to the bath. What a nice kid. Not everyone would be kind enough to put up with his drunk ass, even cleaning up his puke without complaining.

He needs to take a leak, but stopping at the toilet before bathing seems like too much work, so he strips, then sits on the bath stool and lets it out right there. There’s a drain in the floor of this room for a reason, right? The piss goes on for quite a while, the way it often does when one has far, far too much to drink. It feels good to let it all out. The warm water of the shower sobers him up. Emptying his bladder and getting clean makes him feel a million times better.

Now that he’s sober enough to think properly, he thinks the sensation he felt when he puked was less like dizziness caused by too much drink and more like the universe shaking around him, the way it does when he sends a D-mail. That can’t be what happened, though. He was basically passed out, so he couldn’t have sent a D-mail, right?

He towels off and walks back to his room. He picks up his phone and sees that the divergence meter now reads 1.130211. Is that what it said before? He thought it said 1.130212. The number is so close to what he thought it was. Maybe he remembered wrong.

Just to make sure no D-mail was sent, he checks his text message history. To his ire, he sees an outgoing message from fifteen minutes ago, sent to otsufanclub@goodlemail.net, that simply reads, _“Gunmetal.”_

_Who_ sent the message is no mystery, but he wishes he could tell _how far back_ it was sent. Unfortunately, since it wasn’t sent to his phone, it won’t show up as incoming in his message history.

…Wait a second…What’s this number at the bottom right of the message? 9,905? What does that mean? That can’t possibly be the number of hours the message was sent back, can it? If it is, this is either another lame retcon to cover for the author’s failure to properly think through the time travel mechanism, or Gintoki had simply failed to notice the number before. Both possibilities are probable.

He goes farther back in the history and finds the message Kagura sent. The bottom-right of her message shows 5,064, which is how many hours it was sent into the past. So, Shinpachi sent a D-mail back 9,905 hours? He remembers 5,064 hours is seven months; 9,905 is nearly twice that, which means the message went back OVER A YEAR?!?!

He calmly concludes he has a teenage virgin to murder.

He gets dressed and goes to the toilet, where Shinpachi is cleaning. In an ominous tone, he calls out, “Shiiinpachi-kuuun…”

“Yes, Gin-san,” Shinpachi answers, unconcerned until he turns around and sees an angry man channeling the devil blocking his only way out of the tiny room. He visibly swallows and backs up as Gintoki slowly closes in on him. “G-Gin-san…Gin-san, calm down. Tell me what’s wrong.” He gets backed all the way into the corner of the room, in the narrow space next to the toilet. He squeaks out a terrified “eep” noise.

“Shinpachi, my friend,” Gintoki says, with a terrifying evil grin and threatening voice, “Please tell me you didn’t send a D-mail.”

Shinpachi goes from looking scared to looking confused. “A what?”

Since Shinpachi doesn’t have Reading Steiner, he wouldn’t remember having sent the D-mail, but why is he acting like he doesn’t know _what_ a D-mail _is_? He read the user’s guide more thoroughly than Gintoki did, so he should know exactly what Gintoki is talking about. This world line’s Past Gin-san must have made sure Shinpachi (and hopefully also Kagura) never found out about the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name). Still, this world line’s Shinpachi should remember receiving the D-mail. Gintoki decides to ask about it indirectly. “What does the word ‘gunmetal’ mean to you?”

Shinpachi gives a dictionary definition. “Gunmetal grey is a dark grey with a slight blue tint.”

“I know what gunmetal grey is! I’m asking, what does the word mean _to you_?”

Shinpachi takes a moment to think, then his eyebrows shoot skyward, and he touches his glasses. “Ohhhh…” he says, clearly having made a connection.

“‘Ohhhh’ what?” Gintoki demands.

“The last time I got new glasses, I was debating between getting the same grey frames I always get and getting ones with a gunmetal grey finish. The day before I went to the optician, I got an email from a cell phone number. All it said was the word ‘gunmetal.’ I thought the universe was telling me to choose the gunmetal frames, so that’s what I did.”

Gintoki stands like a statue, unblinking, for a few seconds, attempting to understand what he was just told. Shinpachi of the previous world line sent a D-mail over a year into the past, so he could tell his past self to get glasses frames that were _a shade darker_ than the ones he normally buys?! Are you fucking serious?!?! Gintoki can’t even tell the difference! They look like the same old human-wearing glasses to him.

“Were you the one who sent the message, Gin-san?”

“Of course not! How could I have? I didn’t own a cell phone a year ago.” After answering Shinpachi’s stupid question, Gintoki backs off a bit, realizing there’s no point being mad at him for something he doesn’t remember doing. So he doesn’t get blindsided by any other changes Shinpachi’s D-mail may have made, he does some basic fact-checking. “Did I buy anything else the day I bought this cell phone?”

Shinpachi still looks confused, but he answers, “You bought a microwave.”

“Do you know who I’m dating?”

“You’re dating Hijikata-san.”

“Where is Kagura right now?”

“On a Monday morning in late September, she’s in school.”

“What’s the name of her school?”

“Hachimitsu Private Academy… Gin-san, is everything all right?”

It sounds like the precise hue of Shinpachi’s glasses frames is the biggest change that was made, thank goodness. “Yep, everything’s fine.”

As Gintoki walks away, he realizes Shinpachi’s lack of knowledge about the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) is actually the biggest change. Shinpachi must not have found the user’s guide, which seems odd, because it’s not exactly hidden; it’s in the kitchen’s junk drawer for anyone to find. Wait… _Is it_ in the kitchen’s junk drawer?

Gintoki goes into the kitchen, opens said drawer, and finds it full of all the normal shit, with the exception of the user’s guide. Past Gin-san must have hidden it. Luckily, Past Gin-san is (was?) the same guy as Present Gin-san, so all he has to do is think where he would have put the guide, if it had occurred to him to hide it from the kids.

The first place he looks is his underwear drawer, beneath his older-married-women porn stash. There’s no guide, but he finds the key to the desk drawer he locked and subsequently lost the key to several months ago. He opens up the desk drawer and finds the guide. A locked desk drawer seems like the best place to keep it, so he puts it back, locks the drawer, and puts the key under the porn where he found it.

His next concern is making sure his relationship with Hijikata wasn’t somehow affected. He sends him a text message: _“I miss you.”_ It’s sappy but true. He hasn’t seen him in a week.

A few minutes later, the reply comes, _“Same. See you Friday or Saturday night, depending on when I can take a break from work.”_

Gintoki has a steady lover for the first time in his life, and he’s happy. He smiles and texts back, _“Can’t wait. Have a good day.”_

He smiles even wider when he gets the response, _“You too.”_

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130211): Day 72 (Tuesday)**

Gintoki and Shinpachi finish up a job in the afternoon and part ways. Gintoki considers heading home, but he’s tempted to drop by and see how Kagura is doing at school. Her school is on his way home. Well, ok, it’s not exactly ‘on his way’; it’s slightly out of the way. So, it’s a twenty-minute walk out of his way, but dammit, he still worries about how she’s doing.

He makes the twenty-minute walk, climbs over the wrought iron fence surrounding the campus, and sneaks across the grounds to the main school building. He slinks around outside until he finds the windows to her classroom.

He nearly screams in terror when he catches sight of Kagura. Last time he saw her, she was rocking her fuddy-duddy 3-Z style, but now she looks like an attractive young lady. She isn’t wearing glasses, which is fine, since those never made sense for her to be wearing anyway. Her hair has grown out to her mid-back, and she’s wearing it down, with the exception of a really cute braid framing one side of her face. It looks like she has her skirt hiked up, because it no longer reaches far enough to even cover the top of the most disturbing part of her outfit, a pair of white thigh-high stockings.

With her 3-Z look, she could easily have passed for twelve years old, but now she could pass for seventeen, and it scares the fuck out of Gintoki. He thinks it’s possible he’ll never get another minute of sleep as long as he lives, knowing every guy between puberty and death will want to hit that (except him, because he’s in full-on dad mode). How could a D-mail about something as utterly inconsequential as the color of Shinpachi’s glasses frames have caused such a drastic and disastrous change in how Kagura looks?!

Bells chime, indicating the end of the school day. He hides while students and faculty exit the building. He watches Kagura walk across campus to a Western-style two-story house. After a few minutes, when there aren’t so many people milling around campus, he stealthily works his way to the house. He recalls from the map she left on his fridge that her room is on the back side of the second floor.

He hits the jackpot in the form of a sturdy tree that should give him a perfect view into the window of her room. He climbs the tree and takes a look. There are two beds but no indication the room has a second occupant. Does Kagura get a room to herself? Man, it must be nice to be best friends with the shogun’s little sister. Or…is she lonely? Does she miss living with him??

Before he gets emotional enough to cry, she walks out of the room’s ensuite bathroom. He hunkers down on the branch he’s straddling, so as to stay unseen. She sits down at the desk that faces out the window and does homework. As long as she’s there, he can’t move, or she’ll for sure see him. That’s fine; he was planning to watch her for a while anyway.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

“Vice-Chief, the prefectural police have something they want us to look into,” Hijikata hears Yamazaki say through his closed door.

He opens the door and is irked to see Sougo standing behind Yamazaki.

“They got a call from a school about a suspicious man carrying a sword, sneaking around school grounds,” says jimi.

That sounds like it could be joui activity. “Which school?”

“Um…” Yamazaki looks down at his notepad. “Hachimitsu Private Academy.”

Sougo asks, “Isn’t that China’s school? And doesn’t the suspicious person sound a lot like Yorozuya’s danna?”

Hijikata hopes Sougo is wrong, but he’s probably not. If Hijikata has to arrest his boyfriend, he would rather do it without anyone he knows watching. “I’ll handle this alone.”

“Hijikata-san, I don’t think that’s a good idea. What if it’s not danna?” Sougo asks, putting on a pretense of being concerned for Hijikata’s life, “Are you going to go after a dangerous joui rebel without backup?”

Hijikata suspects Sougo knows about him and Gintoki and only wants to come so he can give him shit about having to arrest the guy he’s dating. Still, Sougo has a point. He sighs and relents. “Fine.”

When they arrive at the school gate, the principal is waiting for them. “Thank you for coming. He has hidden himself up a tree behind the boarding house.”

“Please keep everyone back while we make our approach,” Hijikata tells him.

Hijikata and Sougo cautiously circle around to the back of the boarding house, where, to Hijikata’s immense irritation, they see Sakata Gintoki in a tree, peeping into a second-story window. They walk straight up to the tree, but Gintoki doesn’t seem to notice them. Hijikata looks up, shakes his head in disbelief at his boyfriend’s stupidity, and yells, “Yorozuya!”

That gets Gintoki’s attention, but it also causes him to lose his concentration on staying upright on the branch. “Whoa, whoa!” He slips sideways and falls head-first to the ground. With his legs sticking up, spread-eagle, he looks up from the awkward position his crooked neck is in and says, “Oh… Hi, Hijikata-kun, Okita-kun. How are you guys? It’s great to see you.” He falls forward with an “Oof!” and lies there on his stomach.

Hijikata sighs deeply, closes his eyes, and massages the bridge of his nose. Why is he dating this guy again? He can’t remember at the moment.

Sougo deadpans, “Danna, what are you doing? The prefectural police sent us here to arrest you.”

Gintoki rolls over onto his back and tries to excuse his behavior with, “I just came to visit Kagura-chan…”

The ruckus of the Shinsengumi showing up and a man falling out of a tree must have alerted Kagura to the situation, because she’s suddenly standing over Gintoki. She bends over, hands on her hips, looking upside-down at him with an excessively displeased face. “Gin-chan, what are you doing?!”

Continuing to try to defend his actions, he says, “I…I just came to see you…”

“Through the window of my room? From a tree? Like a stalker?” Kagura sounds more than just annoyed; she sounds hurt and betrayed, and Hijikata knows he can’t hold her back if she decides to hurt Gintoki. On second thought, he’s not sure he would have any interest in holding her back.

On third thought, he thinks he better intervene before that happens. “Stand up,” he tells Gintoki.

Gintoki stands. Hijikata pulls out his handcuffs, and Gintoki jokes with a dumb grin, “Ooh, kinky.”

“Shut up, or I’ll charge you with one or more of the dozens of crimes I know you’ve committed over the years. You’ll be headless by sundown tomorrow.”

Gintoki swallows thickly, apparently intimidated by Hijikata’s idle threat. He turns around and holds his hands behind his back without having to be told. Hijikata clicks the handcuffs into place around his wrists, and Sougo escorts him to the squad car.  

Hijikata walks over to the school principal and hands him his business card. Putting the fact that he just placed his boyfriend under arrest on a proverbial back burner in his mind, he stays all business as he says, “We will be handing him over to the prefectural police, who will likely charge him with trespassing on private property. They should be reaching out to you soon, to get your statement. They will be handling the case, but if you need anything, feel free to contact me.”

“Would it be possible for me to speak with him? If I can rest assured he will not come onto school grounds without a member of faculty knowing about it, I would rather not bring charges against him.”

His boyfriend is one lucky motherfucker, Hijikata thinks. He waves toward the squad car, and Sougo brings Gintoki over.

“Would you be able to remove the handcuffs?” the principal asks Hijikata.

He takes the handcuffs off. He doesn’t miss the way his boyfriend pointedly rubs his wrists and glares at him.

“I’m Principal Kurihara. You are Sakata-san, Kagura-chan’s father?”

“Ah, yes,” Gintoki answers sheepishly, bowing, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

“And you as well. Would you mind telling me what you were doing here today?”

“Um, well, you see…” Gintoki scratches the back of his head nervously, “I worry about Kagura. Like, is she happy? Is she doing well in school? Does she get along with the teachers and other students? Is she…you know…interested in boys and dating and stuff? These are the things I lose sleep over.”

“You’re raising her alone, right? Her mother passed away?”

Gintoki nods.

“It’s understandable for any father to worry about his daughter; even more so for a single parent. I can tell you she’s honest, vibrant, and optimistic, which draws people to her. All of her teachers speak well of her, and as far as I know, she gets along with her fellow students. Her grades have improved, thanks to her studying with the assistance of a tutor regularly. Any time you want to know more about how Kagura-chan is doing in school, her teachers are happy to sit down and speak with you, with or without Kagura-chan present. I would also urge you to speak with her directly. You know her best; you’ll be able to tell whether she’s truly happy.”

Gintoki nods a guilty nod, acknowledging what Hijikata is aware of (because Kagura complained to him about it when he ran into her during her summer break): Gintoki hasn’t spent enough time with Kagura since she moved out.

“If you can promise not to be on school grounds without proper authorization again, I will ask these gentlemen to let you go.”

“I promise,” a penitent Gintoki says.

“Is it possible to release Sakata-san?” the principal asks Hijikata.

He nods.

Gintoki bows to Principal Kurihara and says, “Thank you, sir.”

“Call the school if you need anything, Sakata-san,” the principal says congenially, before he and the other faculty walk toward the school.

The two Shinsengumi officers walk to the squad car, with Gintoki tailing them.

“Hijikata-kun,” Gintoki says, in a sing-song tone that signals he’s about to ask for something, “Can I get a ride home, please?”

Hijikata is tempted to say no, just out of spite at having to slap handcuffs on his boyfriend, but Sougo beats him to answering. “Hop in, danna.”

Hijikata wants to talk to Gintoki, but not with Sougo around, so he stays silent during the drive to drop Gintoki off at his place.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

Later that night, Gintoki hears his door slide open. He looks to see who’s there and is at once pleased to see his boyfriend and worried his boyfriend is there to beat the crap out of him for this afternoon’s debacle.

Hijikata crosses his arms and frowns. “I better not ever have to arrest you again.”

In retrospect, Gintoki feels really stupid about going so overboard. He stands up to face him properly and says apologetically, “You won’t.”

“Good. Did you tell Sougo about us?”

Gintoki certainly considers Sougo a friend, but he knows if he told him about their relationship, he would only use the knowledge as ammunition to make Hijikata’s life more miserable than he already does. He shakes his head no and theorizes, “Maybe he figured it out when you showed up for work hung over and with rug burn on your hands a few weeks ago.”

The look on Hijikata’s face says he doesn’t disagree with the theory. He changes the subject. “You didn’t hear this from me, because she asked me not to tell you, but China misses you, and she misses her dog. You obviously miss her too, or else you wouldn’t have trespassed on private property and climbed a tree just to check on her.”

She misses him? He had no idea. He really does miss her. The three of them – him, her, and Shinpachi – were a team, but the dynamic got all thrown off when she sent that damn D-mail.

“You’re kind of a dumbass, you know that?” Hijikata continues, “Since you miss her so much, just invite her over for dinner. You’re allowed to do that; the school thinks you’re her father.”

“I will,” he responds, then he adds, “Thanks for not arresting me today.”

“Don’t thank me; thank the principal, and apologize properly to Kagura.” Hijikata changes the subject again. “Next Friday – not the one three days from now; the one after – are you available?”

Gintoki thinks. Next Friday…October 10…his birthday…which he basically hates celebrating. He’s not going to tell Hijikata the day is just a reminder he knows nothing about his early life. He puts on a wide, fake grin and asks, “Are we going to celebrate my birthday? What gift are you going to give me?”

“What do you want?” Hijikata asks, in an unreadable way that renders Gintoki unable to tell if he’s being serious or sarcastic.

Being cheeky, Gintoki answers with a put-on sweet smile, “You.”

Hijikata rolls his eyes. “You pretty much already have me. What else do you want?”

If he’s going to push, Gintoki’s going to give him honest but ridiculous answers. “You, in pink lace panties and nothing else…ooh, except a butt plug.”

“Let me be more specific. What do you want _that you might reasonably expect me to ever in a million years be willing to give you_?”

“Your eternal love and devotion.” Gintoki pats himself on the back mentally for keeping a straight face while mercilessly teasing his terrified-of-relationships boyfriend.

Hijikata sighs. “I’ll give you one more chance to tell me what you want. If you say something stupid, I’m going to give you a bottle of mayonnaise and call it a ‘gift.’”

Oh? This guy wants to play hardball? Gintoki can hit any ball Hijikata can throw at him. If Hijikata’s going to push for a serious answer, Gintoki’s going to give him one. He takes a step forward, leaving little distance between them, and says, in complete seriousness, “Since we’re dating, I’d like it if we could call each other by our given names.”

“Mayonnaise it is,” Hijikata says, dismissing his request. He then steps around Gintoki and starts taking off layers of clothing as he walks into the bedroom.

Gintoki perks up. Is he about to get some?

Now clad only in boxers, Hijikata gets the futon ready, lies down, and falls asleep.

Before Gintoki joins him, he goes to the toilet and rubs one out while fantasizing about pushing aside his boyfriend’s pink lace panties, pulling out the butt plug, sticking his dick in, and Hijikata calling out _“Ah, yes, Gintoki!”_ as he fucks him hard.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130211): Day 76 (Saturday)**

Gintoki takes Hijikata’s advice and invites Kagura over for dinner.

In the evening, his home becomes loud and full of life when Kagura, Shinpachi, and Soyo (accompanied by Sadaharu and escorted by Hijikata) come over to share a meal. Kagura may look more grown-up than she used to, but she’s still her same old self, playing roughly with Sadaharu, fighting with Gintoki over food, and smiling with childlike innocence. Gintoki decides he no longer cares why or how Shinpachi’s D-mail changed Kagura’s style, as long as she’s happy.

Toward the end of the night, Gintoki has to step out of the room because he gets emotional about how heartwarming it is to get his ‘family’ together for a meal.

“You ok?”

Aw, dang it. Hijikata caught him having a moment. He lies. “Hmm? Yeah, I just got a speck of dust in my eye, that’s all.”

Hijikata gently takes his hand. “Of course. It’s that and not the fact that you have your kids together for something other than work for the first time in far too long.”

“Ehh? _My_ kids? They don’t look anything like me,” he protests, but obviously Hijikata is right. He’s having dinner with his boyfriend, ‘son,’ ‘daughter’ and her best friend and dog, and he can’t remember when or even _if_ he’s ever been this happy.

Gintoki runs back to the living room in a panic when he hears Shinpachi say, “Kagura-chan! Leave a slice of cake for Gin-san!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sure Gintoki’s happiness will last forever and ever.
> 
> [Checks warnings/tags/summary]
> 
> Uh…How about that weather lately? Boy, it sure has been [insert appropriate weather for the current time of year where you are]!


	12. Physically Necrosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki and Hijikata meet up at a hotel for Gintoki’s birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all of you, so I want to give fair warning: Going forward, be prepared for character deaths. There may be multiple deaths in one go, with major, minor, and/or side/original characters dying. The causes of death will vary and may involve violence (i.e., murder, acts of terrorism) or accidental deaths (i.e., traffic accidents, natural disasters), similar to _Steins;Gate_. A couple more tags added.

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130211): Day 82 (Friday)**

October 10.

Sakata Gintoki’s birthday.

Or not, as he has no parents or other family who could tell him his actual date of birth. He would refuse to celebrate it, but people would ask why. He has no interest in explaining he views the day as nothing more than an unnecessary annual reminder he was either orphaned or abandoned very early on, left to fend for himself in the middle of an intergalactic war, surviving his single-digit years as a corpse-eating demon.

This year, he turns [redacted] years of age, and for the first time ever, he has a steady lover. His boyfriend is ignorant of his feelings regarding his birthday and wants to celebrate with him, going so far as to take the afternoon off work, despite being a relentless workaholic. The plan is to spend a few hours at his place screwing, go out to dinner, come back to his place, screw some more, and go to bed. The workaholic then has to go to work in the morning, even though tomorrow is Saturday, because he’s a fucking workaholic.

At 11:30 am, the aforementioned workaholic sends Gintoki a text. _“Sorry. I won’t be done with work until around 5.”_ Gintoki is not surprised by this news. A second text follows, with the name and address of a hotel. A third text reads, _“I reserved a room under your name. It’s paid for already. Check in any time after 3 & text me the room number.”_

The hotel’s name – _The Gallery Hotel_ – sounds pretty fucking fancy. In fact, any hotel that requires reservations is too fancy for Gintoki. He would rather spend the night at home, drinking cheap liquor and sleeping next to his boyfriend on his own futon, but whatever. He’ll indulge the man.

He has three-and-a-half hours to kill before he can check in to the hotel. He runs to the grocery store to stock up on ice cream. It’s sunny and pleasant outside, with no chance of rain, per Ketsuno Ana’s weather forecast. On his way home from the store, he comes across Sougo napping on the grass in a park, avoiding his Shinsengumi duties, and makes him accompany him for dango. After they finish their dango, Sougo goes back to avoiding work, and Gintoki goes home, puts his groceries away, and watches TV.

Around 3:30, he packs an overnight bag and sets out on foot for the hotel.

Like Kabukicho, this part of town used to be nothing but traditional, one- or two-story, tile-roofed buildings. One of the buildings he passes reminds him a lot of his own home, with a tobacco shop manned by an old lady at street level and an apartment on the second floor. He hasn’t been to this area in a while, and just like the rest of Edo, it has changed. The older buildings now look anachronistic side-by-side with the brand-new, modern, multi-story structures.

He arrives at the address from Hijikata’s text, looks up at the shiny, glass, twenty-plus-story high-rise luxury hotel, and remarks, “Holy fuck.” He walks inside and feels woefully outclassed. He gazes around the lobby, with its posh lounge and presumably-overpriced market, and sees that the hotel’s clientele dress and carry themselves like the kind of people whose household staff would probably mistake his threadbare, strawberry-milk-stained kimono for a rag and use it to clean their employers’ toilets.

He walks up to the front desk, where he is greeted by a young man who almost surely makes more money than he does. “Good afternoon, sir. Checking in?”

“Uh, yes,” he answers dumbly.

The young man looks at him expectantly, then prompts politely, “May I please have the name on the reservation, sir?”

Oh, duh. He’s never stayed in a hotel where you make reservations and give your name when you check in, so he doesn’t know what he’s doing. “Sakata Gintoki.”

The man does some typing, then says, “Sakata Gintoki, checking out tomorrow. Is that correct?”

“Yes.”

The man types some more, then he puts together a small packet containing two key cards and hands it over. “We have you in room 2312. Check out time is noon. Feel free to call the front desk if there’s anything we can do to make you more comfortable, and please enjoy your stay.”

Gintoki takes the packet. “Thank you.”

Room 2312? Does that mean it’s on the 23rd floor? At that height, it doesn’t really matter which direction it faces, it should have a pretty awesome view of something. He texts Hijikata the room number during the elevator ride up.

Behind the door labeled 2312 is a very nice room with a huge bed. He walks over to the window and draws the sheer curtains. As expected, you can see pretty much fucking everything from here.

A minute later, Hijikata texts back, _“I should be there in under an hour.”_

Gintoki thinks he might take a shower and then watch TV while he waits for his boyfriend. He changes his mind when he goes into the bathroom and sees a shower large enough to comfortably host a six-person orgy. He would have to be an idiot to shower alone. He’ll wait for Hijikata to show up and see if he can talk him into fooling around with him in the shower.

He empties the wallet, phone, and hotel room keys from his pockets and sets them on the nightstand. He then gets comfortable on the bed and turns the TV on.

Sixty-three minutes after Hijikata’s text was received, there’s a knock on the door. Gintoki turns off the TV and opens the door to find his boyfriend, overnight bag slung over his shoulder, still in-uniform and looking overworked, which, knowing him, he probably is.

“Sorry I’m late,” Hijikata mumbles, stepping inside and dropping his bag, “Need a shower.”

What’s the point of the huge shower if it’s not going to be shared? “I’ll come with you,” Gintoki says.

Hijikata responds as he walks to the bathroom, “I’m not going to cram into a shower with another grown man, idiot. Just wait. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Gintoki’s fantasy of making out under a spray of warm water was shot down. He’s disappointed, until he hears Hijikata call from the bathroom, “Holy shit, this shower is huge.”

“Is that an invitation?” Gintoki calls back.

Silence, then a reluctant, “I suppose.”

Gintoki does a happy dance as he takes his clothes off, letting them fall indiscriminately to the floor on his way to the bathroom. He steps into the shower, where Hijikata is busy tweaking the water temperature. He caresses him from behind, sucking on the side of his neck.

Hijikata turns around within his arms and tries to push him away. “Oi, cut it out! I smell disgusting. Let me wash myself before you do that.”

Gintoki nuzzles into the crook of his neck and breathes in deeply. “You’re wrong. You smell great. Don’t you know? I love it when you smell like sweat and hard work. It turns me the fuck on.”

Gintoki must not be the only one ready for some action, because Hijikata touches Gintoki’s emerging hard-on and offers, “Is there something you’d like me to do about how turned-on you are?”

The needle on Gintoki’s horny-meter jumps up into the red. He draws another deep breath, taking in Hijikata’s scent, and considers what he should ask for. How about his number-two-ranked demon-Vice-Chief-fucking fantasy? That sounds delightful. He kisses Hijikata’s lips, then requests, “Fuck me from behind against the tile wall?”

A delighted Gintoki can practically see Hijikata’s horny-meter spike at the suggestion.

Being the level-headed guy he is, Hijikata points out, “We don’t have condoms or lube in here.”

Gintoki doesn’t care. He wants it right now. “We don’t need lube; that’s what your saliva is for.” He purrs seductively, “And I want you to cum inside me.”

“Pervert,” Hijikata responds, with feigned disgust.

He then kisses Gintoki, which Gintoki takes as his agreeing to his request. What a great gift! He’ll have to thank him properly for it later. Gintoki touches Hijikata, who gets hard as they tangle tongues and press their naked flesh together under the warm water. When Gintoki thinks Hijikata is ready, he moves into position, with legs spread and forearms braced against the tile wall.

Hijikata gets two fingers wet in his mouth and uses them to gently open Gintoki up. As he prepares Gintoki, he places a line of soft kisses along the back of his neck and shoulder and plays with a nipple.

Gintoki is every kind of hot and bothered. He wants to kiss his boyfriend. He cranes his neck, which gets Hijikata’s attention. His tongue meets Gintoki’s in an open-mouth kiss.

Once Gintoki is ready, Hijikata pulls his fingers out. Gintoki nearly giggles with glee when he hears Hijikata spit into his own hand. He wishes he had known sooner all he has to do to get Hijikata to do perverted shit like fuck him raw in the shower is suggest it.

Hijikata presses the head of his saliva-lubricated cock in slowly.

Thank goodness Hijikata is a nice guy and doesn’t shove it all in at once. It has been ages since Gintoki has taken it bareback and without using a good-quality, water-based lubricant designed for anal sex. It honestly is somewhat painful, but the pain passes quickly. Gintoki wants Hijikata’s dick, so he pushes his hips back, taking him the rest of the way in. He’s ready for Hijikata to go at it, fucking him hard and fast into the tile, but when Hijikata starts moving, he does so slowly and gently. It’s not that it doesn’t feel good, but it’s like he’s trying to drive him crazy, torturing him with pleasure. He moves his hips slightly, to meet Hijikata halfway. At first, he matches Hijikata’s pace, but he’s impatient, so he speeds up.

Hijikata responds to Gintoki’s attempt to take control by coming forward, pressing Gintoki’s chest flat against the cold tile, and pinning his wrists against the wall.

“Ah!” An exclamation escapes from Gintoki’s mouth at the jolt from the temperature difference between his own aroused body and the tile. His nipples take the worst of the shock. He doesn’t think they’ve ever been this hard.

His dick keeps swinging forward and hitting the cold tile as Hijikata pounds him into the wall. He can’t stop the breathy moans escaping his mouth with every one of Hijikata’s thrusts.

Even without being touched in front, he’s nearing climax. Someone who has never been on the receiving end of well-executed anal sex might not know that prostate stimulation isn’t the only pleasurable part of the experience. If that were true, why are there some women who enjoy anal sex? They don’t have prostates. Sure, it feels pretty damn good every time Hijikata hits his prostate, but that’s not the only pleasurable aspect of what they’re doing. Being penetrated and stretched open sends pleasure mixed with just the right amount of pain through the entire body. The sensation is strong enough that it can readily be called to mind hours or even days later, making it perfect masturbation material. Beyond that, there is simply something very pleasant about having Hijikata slide in and out of him and fill him up. He can think of no more perfect way of physically connecting with the person he loves.

…

…

Huh?

…

…

_‘LOVES’!?!?!?!_

…

No, no, nope, nope, nope. He accidentally used the wrong word while he was thinking about his boyfriend. You see, he’s still having that problem, where he doesn’t know the right words to describe how he feels. He is past merely ‘liking’ Hijikata, but there’s no way he’s ‘in love.’ Absolutely no way. Definitely not. So, which word or words should he have used? Uh…Let’s see… ‘Really likes.’ Yes, those are probably the words he meant to use.

He is unable to think clearly enough to continue debating semantics with himself when Hijikata lets go of his wrists, reaches down, and strokes his engorged cock. As he paints the wall white, he feels himself being filled with warm cum.

Hijikata pulls out, and Gintoki turns around and kisses him. He ‘really likes’ him. Yep, he’s going to stick with those words, or else he might have a Hijikata-style, scared-of-falling-in-love panic attack.

He breaks the kiss and rinses off what’s leaking out of him. He then lathers a bar of soap in his hands and washes Hijikata’s body, starting with his chest and arms. He has seen this body many times, but he’s still floored every time by how sexy it is. The man is lean, chiseled muscle from head to toe, which is especially remarkable given how much time he spends sitting, doing paperwork, not burning off the truckloads of mayonnaise he consumes.

Gintoki’s hands move south after cleaning Hijikata’s stomach, and an embarrassed Hijikata protests, “Hey, wait. I can do that myself.” When Gintoki ignores him, sliding a soapy hand up and down his soft length, he continues, “You’re gonna get me hard again!”

Gintoki smirks. He moves on, cleaning the rest of Hijikata’s body, then he opens the shampoo and washes Hijikata’s hair. It’s so silky and smooth. His fingers glide effortlessly through the hair as he massages the shampoo through it. Having manageable hair is the only thing he misses about having his soul stuck in Hijikata’s body. “Ok, all done.”

Hijikata gets his hands soapy with lather from his body and washes his face, then he rinses off.

They switch places, and Hijikata lathers his hands up. The process is mirrored as Hijikata cleans Gintoki’s body, lingering on his groin longer than necessary. Predictably, when Hijikata moves on to washing Gintoki’s hair, he struggles with the task, as his fingers keep getting caught on tangles.

Gintoki closes his eyes, to keep shampoo from running into them.

“Your hair is a pain in the ass,” Hijikata complains.

Pouting, Gintoki responds, “No shit. Thanks for the reminder, you naturally silky-straight-haired dickwad.”

Hijikata patronizingly consoles him. “Aww, you poor, natural-perm crybaby; it’s ok. I still like you, even though your hair is a fluffy, tangly mess.”

Gintoki cautiously opens one eye partway. “You _like_ me?”

“Uh, I…” Hijikata avoids eye contact. His face turns red. He huffs and asks quietly, “So what if I do?”

Holy shit! Did Hijikata just admit to liking him? This is huge! Gintoki thought it would take several months of dating before he heard him say any such thing. He grins and says, “I like you too.”

Deflecting, Hijikata rinses the shampoo from his hands, backs away, and mumbles, “All done.”

Gintoki washes his own smiling face and rinses off. He wasn’t thrilled about spending the night at a fancy hotel, but hearing Hijikata say he likes him has made it worth it. He turns off the water, and the two of them towel off.

On their way out of the bathroom, Hijikata says, “I need a cigarette. The smoking area is outside, on the ground floor at the back of the building. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Ok, hurry up, tobacco addict.” Gintoki opens the closet. Ooh, fancy. The hotel provides both terrycloth bathrobes and yukatas.

Rifling through his own overnight bag, Hijikata curses under his breath, then tells Gintoki, “I’m all out of cigarettes. I bought a pack today, but I guess I forgot to bring it. I’m going to walk to the tobacco shop I saw on my way in. I shouldn’t be gone more than fifteen minutes.”

“Ok,” Gintoki says. His body is still hot from orgasming in the middle of a long, warm shower, so he chooses the yukata. As Hijikata gets dressed and leaves, Gintoki sits on the bed and turns the TV on. The hotel gets so many TV channels, it’s hard to decide what to watch while Hijikata is on his cigarette run. He settles on a police drama.

Less than five minutes into watching the show, he feels the building slowly swaying from side-to-side. The electricity flickers on and off. He can see out the window the lights in the adjacent high-rise blinking on and off against the backdrop of the twilight sky. The swaying speeds up until the building is jerking around violently and erratically. The movement goes on for what feels like at least a full minute.

The movement dies down. The electricity goes out completely. Gintoki is glad he was in a building properly built to withstand earthquakes. He wishes Hijikata was with him. He’s worried. He hems and haws about checking on Hijikata. He’s probably ok, right? He’s a grown-up, and he can take care of himself.

He can’t talk himself out of being worried, so he shoots him a text. _“Just checking to see if you’re ok.”_

While he waits for a response, he calls the Shimura residence. Tae assures him she and Shinpachi are fine. He’s on the phone with her longer than he would like, because he has to wait for Shinpachi to come back inside from checking their buildings for damage. Ok, he doesn’t _have to_ wait, but he feels more at-ease after he hears Shinpachi’s voice.

He talks with Shinpachi for a minute, then he hangs up and sees notification of an email from Kagura’s school, confirming that all students and faculty are accounted-for and well. Their power is out, but none of the school’s buildings sustained damage.

It’s a relief to know the kids are fine. Now he just needs to hear back from Hijikata.

His phone makes an obnoxious alarm sound, making him nearly jump out of his skin. It’s an emergency alert from the government, warning that the earthquake may have caused damage to structures with low earthquake resistance. Luckily, they have determined there is no risk of tsunami.

That’s good news, but he really wants to hear from Hijikata. He stares at his phone. His heart rate feels like it doubles with every second that passes with no response. He decides to call. It rings three times, then, “You’ve reached the voicemail of Shinsengumi Vice-Chief Hijikata Toushirou…”

He hangs up. He’s starting to panic.

He throws off the yukata and gets partway-dressed, only putting on pants, a shirt, and boots. The elevators are obviously out of commission, so he grabs his bokuto and goes to the stairs. While he goes down twenty-two flights of emergency-lit stairs, trying not to show his frustration with the other slow-ass hotel guests clogging up the stairwell and getting in his way, he calls Hijikata’s cell phone over and over. It goes to voicemail every time. He hopes Hijikata is just busy helping people in the aftermath of the quake. He _hopes_ – it’s all he can do until he gets ahold of him or finds him. He also hopes Hijikata passed the same tobacco shop he did on his way in, because that’s where he’s headed.

He exits the stairwell at the bottom floor of the building and sprints to the tobacco shop. The power comes back on halfway there, and the streetlights turn on. When he arrives, he is met with the unimaginable. Where a two-story building used to stand, there’s a pile of rubble.

The old woman from the now-destroyed tobacco shop is standing in the street, consoling a woman who appears to be in her twenties, holding a toddler in her arms. The toddler has her arms stretched out toward the rubble, and she’s crying out for her grandfather.

Other neighbors have gathered around as well. He overhears one of them say to the other quietly, “I think two people got caught in the collapse.”

Hoping against hope Hijikata isn’t one of the two people, he walks over to the tobacco shop lady and asks, “Did you see a man, about my height and age, with dark hair, wearing a dark-grey kimono?”

With a shaky voice, the woman answers, “He bought a pack of cigarettes from me. I was laughing a bit, because he was trying to light a cigarette with a lighter that looks like a tiny mayonnaise bottle—”

He interrupts her, pointing at the rubble and demanding as calmly as he can, “Is he in there?”

She hesitantly nods.

Gintoki walks away from her and toward the rubble. He has one and only one thought: He has to find Hijikata.

He climbs into the rubble, and the old woman warns, “Wait! It’s not safe! You should wait for emergency services to get here.”

Her words barely register. He keeps going. He has to find Hijikata. There’s no way Hijikata isn’t ok. He’s scary tough. Gintoki has seen him survive crazy shit. Hell, his own second-in-command tries to kill him with a bazooka on a daily basis. There’s no way something as mundane as an earthquake would take him down.

He searches, only vaguely aware of jagged edges of broken roof tiles gashing open the part of his legs not protected by his boots, and finally he sees a hand…but it’s an old man’s hand. He exhales a breath of relief that it’s not Hijikata’s. He wades through the rubble, to where the hand is sticking up, and finds what looks like an old man; it’s hard to tell for sure, as his head was crushed when the heavy tile roof collapsed on him.

Gintoki learned on the battlefield how to avoid reacting emotionally right away to gruesome sights such as he’s currently seeing. The ability to dissociate emotionally is imperative in a battle situation, where being distracted by emotions can cost your life or the lives of your comrades. He wishes he hadn’t learned to instinctively box up his emotions, because he’s certain he should be having an emotional reaction right now.

Next to the old man is Hijikata. He sees Hijikata’s lifeless face, but he feels nothing.

Truth be told, there must be _some_ emotions seeping through, evidenced by his legs wobbling then giving out entirely. He sits uncomfortably on the rubble pile.

He wants desperately to feel, but all he gets is nauseating anticipation of the devastating emotional blow that’s sure to come. For now, he’s only capable of processing cold facts: Hijikata is dead. His chest was crushed under the heavy roof tiles. He probably died instantly. He must have been trying to help the old man get out of the building.

Jumping into danger and putting the lives of others ahead of his own is typical Hijikata behavior. His selflessness is one of the many reasons Gintoki likes him… He really likes him…

Fuck it. He loves him.

He sits there for a minute, or five, or ten. He can’t tell how much time is passing.

There’s no reason for him to continue sitting there. In fact, he should be heading home and using the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) to save Hijikata. He’s in enough denial that he thinks he’d be abandoning his boyfriend if he left, so he stays.

Another unknown number of minutes passes before he hears sirens, indicating that first responders are on their way. He decides to leave before they arrive. He has no interest in speaking to any human beings not named Hijikata Toushirou.

He stands up, takes one last look at Hijikata, and trudges back out of the rubble.


	13. Missing Link Necrosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki deals with Hijikata’s death.

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**β (1.130211): Day 82 (Friday)**

Gintoki hears people speaking to him, telling him he should wait for EMTs to arrive and let them look at his wounded legs; telling him how grateful they are his friend saved two lives and sacrificed himself trying to save a third. He walks away from the collapsed building without acknowledging them.

His phone won’t stop ringing. It’s probably one of the Shinsengumi calling, looking for Hijikata. He doesn’t answer. He puts his phone on silent and heads straight toward home. He doesn’t bother going back to the hotel. Why would he? He was only there to be with his boyfriend…

…the man he loved…

…the man he just found dead in the rubble of a collapsed building…

More emotions seep through. He crouches next to a telephone pole, where everything he ate today comes up. Once all the food is out, he vomits bile, which drips to the ground alongside tears and cold sweat. Despite the tears, he isn’t crying; most of the emotional connections have yet to hit. The thought of how miserable he will be once they do does nothing good for his nausea.

After several minutes of dry heaves, he stands up on unsteady legs and walks the rest of the way home. When he gets there, he’s exhausted, physically and mentally. He sits down on the couch and lets out a shaky sigh. He should be using the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) and saving Hijikata, but he’s still in shock and feeling awful. He thinks it would be best if he took a few minutes to rest and gather himself first.

He doesn’t get to rest for more than twenty seconds before his phone goes crazy again. It’s in silent mode, but the damn thing is sitting there on his coffee table, lighting up with every incoming call, missed call, and voicemail. This time, Sougo is calling.

Gintoki knows if he continues to ignore his phone, it’s only a matter of time before Sougo or another Shinsengumi officer shows up at his door. He wants to change the past before that happens. Unfortunately, changing the past won’t be as simple as sending a D-mail; he has decided to Time Leap. He can’t entrust something as important as saving Hijikata’s life to Past Gin-san; he has to do this himself. He retrieves the key to his desk from its hiding place beneath his underwear-drawer porn stash, opens the desk drawer, and pulls out the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) user’s guide. He sits on the couch and reads the instructions for how to Time Leap.

_The first part of the procedure for using the Time Leap feature is similar to that of sending a D-mail. First, after entering the destination phone number into the phone’s Call function, enter the number of hours you wish to send your consciousness back in time in the Time field. Next, enter that same number of hours on the microwave. Then, press the Send button on the phone and the Start button on the microwave._

_The Time Leap procedure has one additional step: After pressing the Send button on the phone and Start button on the microwave, hold the phone up to your ear. As soon as the call is picked up, your consciousness will transfer to the person on the other end, overwriting their consciousness._

The section continues with warnings and whatnot, but he doesn’t read them. The instructions sound easy enough. He closes the guide and works on a plan. The most obvious way to keep Hijikata alive is to keep him in the hotel room until after the earthquake ends. He checks his sent text messages. His unanswered text to Hijikata after the quake was sent at 5:37. He only needs to delay Hijikata’s smoke break by a couple minutes. That should be as simple as making out longer in the shower before sex. If all else fails, he will forcibly keep him in the room.

Now, how far back should he send his consciousness? He looks back through his text messages and sees the text from Hijikata, saying he’d be there in under an hour, received at 4:06. In reality, it was slightly over an hour before he showed up, which means Hijikata arrived at the hotel around 5:10. It’s 6:40 right now. If he Time Leaps two hours, that’s 4:40, which is perfect. That’s right in the middle of the hour or so he spent watching TV while waiting for Hijikata.

As he goes into the kitchen to start the Time Leap process, he’s hit with _why_ he’s using the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name). He isn’t time traveling to fix some dumb thing Past Gin-san fucked up. The man he loves is _dead_. At the thought, his breath hitches. He feels like he might cry.

He focuses on the task at hand. The sooner he makes the Time Leap, the sooner he will have nothing to cry about. He enters his own cell phone number into his phone’s Call function, enters the number two in the Time field and on the microwave, and hits Send and Start. He puts the phone to his ear as lightning fills the kitchen and the microwave’s turntable spins backward. He hears his own voice say “hello” on the other end of the line, and then he feels like he is physically hurtled through time. His vision goes dark. He can’t breathe for at least a minute.

**β (1.130211): Day 82 (Friday) 18:41**

**< <<   <<<   <<<**

**β (1.130211): Day 82 (Friday) 16:41**

Gintoki’s trip through time ends abruptly. He gasps for air, adrenaline pumping, feeling like he has just landed on earth from a high freefall. The shift from pitch black to light is nauseating.

Once he gets his bearings, he realizes he’s in the hotel room, sitting on the bed. He looks down at his phone and checks the time. It’s two hours ago. He’s back to being fully-clothed, minus boots, wearing the kimono, obi and belt he left behind in the hotel room, and there are no wounds on his legs.

It really worked. He’s back in his body of two hours ago. Even though he successfully sent several text messages back in time, he didn’t believe it was possible to send a person’s _consciousness_ back in time, but here he is.

He checks the divergence meter reading; it has not changed. It makes sense; he didn’t feel the universe shaking either. Apparently, his simply having knowledge that _could_ be used to affect past events doesn’t cause him to change world lines.

Now that he has reached his destination and no longer has the goal of Time Leaping to keep him occupied, his mind goes back to addressing the grief he has yet to process. He becomes aware his emotional dissociation has ended when he notices tears streaming down his face. He doesn’t understand why he’s crying. The person for whom he’s grieving is alive and well and will be knocking on the door shortly.

It takes a minute for the grief to make sense to him. No matter what happens the second time through, the loss he experienced the first time through was real. One of the best men he has ever known was taken away, minutes after it crossed his mind he might be in love with him. His confidence he is capable of saving Hijikata offers oddly little consolation.

Accepting that the grief is justified seems to give his heart permission to let it all out. The floodgates open up wide. He doubles over, shaking and sobbing. He knew it was going to be very painful once the emotions completely hit, but this is even worse than he expected. He cries longer and harder than he ever has in his life.

A quarter-hour passes while he cries. When he chose how far back to Time Leap, he was thinking of reliving the shortest amount of time and seeing Hijikata again as soon as possible. He hadn’t taken into consideration that he could really use some time to get his emotions in-check. He has at most fifteen minutes to stop crying and put on a good face.

He taps into his unhealthy ability to compartmentalize emotions, tucking the grief away in the corner of his mind. He goes to the bathroom and splashes cold water on his face, trying to get rid of some of the red in and around his eyes. He then sits back down on the bed and acts casual, as though he’s a lazy fuck who has been doing nothing but watching free premium cable TV for the past hour.

Twelve minutes later, there’s a knock on the door. Gintoki opens the door and sees his boyfriend, looking overworked, just like he did last time.

“Sorry I’m late,” Hijikata mumbles, stepping inside and dropping his bag. He walks to the bathroom, muttering, “Need a shower.”

Gintoki can’t bring himself to speak. He fears he will lose composure again if he does.

Hijikata is too exhausted from several long work days in a row to notice the combination pained-relieved-happy look on Gintoki’s face at seeing him alive. He goes into the bathroom, disrobes, and sees a gigantic shower. He’s surprised his perverted boyfriend didn’t drag him in here for shower sex the second he opened the door.

Speaking of his perverted and usually-talkative boyfriend, Gintoki hasn’t made a peep since he got here. That’s weird. Is he feeling ok? Well, since the shower is so damn big, maybe he’ll ask him to join. He steps to the door, pokes his head out in to the room, and says, “This shower is huge. If you didn’t already take a shower, we could take one together.”

Gintoki still doesn’t speak. He doesn’t even nod. He just stands up and takes his clothes off, letting them fall indiscriminately to the floor on his way to the bathroom. While Hijikata turns the water on and gets it to a comfortable temperature, Gintoki steps into the shower and gets the courage to slowly reach out a hand and touch his back.

Hijikata protests, “Oi, cut it out! I smell disgusting. At least let me wash myself before you start groping me.”

Now that Gintoki has made physical contact, he doesn’t want to break it. Directly touching Hijikata’s warm skin reassures him he really is alive.

Once Hijikata turns around and gets a look at Gintoki’s face, he can see he is not ok.

Gintoki puts his palm flat against Hijikata’s sternum, feeling his heartbeat and breathing. He almost lost this man for good, and it’s so much harder to deal with than he ever would have imagined something so relatively-easily-undoable would be. His eyelashes get wet, and not from the shower.

Hijikata is officially worried. Gintoki seems far from all right. “Are you ok? You look…” He avoids saying what he’s thinking, which is _‘…like you’ve been crying and like you’re about to start crying again,’_ instead saying something that’s still true, “…tired.”

Gintoki sad, haunted eyes make contact with Hijikata’s concerned eyes. A flimsy, fake smile is forced onto Gintoki’s face. “I’m fine. I was taking a nap before you got here.”

Wow, that sounds 115% like bullshit. Even if it’s true, the smile is for sure fake as shit. Gintoki is obviously dealing with something difficult. Hijikata feels too bad for him to call bullshit. He nods and puts an assuring hand over Gintoki’s.

There’s a Tokyo Bay’s worth of tears building up in Gintoki’s eyes, so he quickly steps around Hijikata and gets under the spray of the shower, just in time to cover up evidence of the deluge that breaks loose.

Hijikata is at a loss. He can’t imagine anything he did is the cause of Gintoki’s distress. Without knowing what’s wrong, he has no idea how to help him feel better, and he suspects further questioning won’t get him anywhere. Maybe a hug would help. Does Gintoki even want to be touched right now? Maybe it would be easier to make physical contact under the guise of washing each other. Yeah, that sounds good. Hijikata opens the soap and lathers up his hands. He then slowly and cautiously reaches out and touches Gintoki’s arm, silently asking permission to wash him.

Gintoki turns around and steps out of the shower’s spray, to see what Hijikata wants.

Hijikata was hoping Gintoki would realize there was an unspoken question begging for an answer, but he just looks slightly confused. Hijikata reddens and says, “Um… I thought we could, you know…wash each other?”

Gintoki nods mindlessly. His plan is unraveling. By his estimate, they were in the shower about 15 minutes last time. His plan requires their being in the shower for around 20 minutes. Plan A was to do exactly what they did in the shower the first time, except take it a bit slower, but he can’t even speak, much less pretend to be horny. He doesn’t have a Plan B. Washing each other won’t take 20 minutes. He’s going to have to improvise a way to keep Hijikata in the room after they get out of the shower.

Hijikata multitasks, thinking of something comforting to say and cleaning Gintoki. His hands slow to a halt once he gathers the courage to speak. Directing his eyes to a random spot on the tile, he hesitantly says, “So, um…If…If you ever want to talk about anything, I’m here for you. I mean… I’ve been through some shit too.”

Hijikata waits on pins and needles for a response, hoping he didn’t scare his emotionally-idiotic boyfriend with talk of talking about emotions.

Gintoki thinks he can’t possibly have done in his life the amount of good required for him to be deserving of such a wonderful boyfriend. He acts like a hardass, but he’s really just a big softie with a huge heart. It’s no wonder he fell in love with him. He can tell his eyes are going to leak again, so he steps forward and hugs his boyfriend to keep him from seeing the tears.

There is no longer any doubt in Hijikata’s mind there’s something very wrong with Gintoki, but he’s relieved to see him making an outward show of emotions, rather than bottling them up and putting on a dopey grin. He sets the bar of soap on the shelf so he can hug him properly. Gintoki’s breathing is jerky, like he’s trying very hard not to cry. Hijikata thinks he feels tears dripping onto his shoulder, but they’re both wet, and the shower water is running, so it’s hard to tell for sure.

Shit, this is going much worse than Gintoki expected. Being able to talk to and hug an alive, warm, breathing Hijikata is making it very difficult for Gintoki to do anything other than cry in some weird combination of grief over his death and happiness over the fact that he’s alive. The only upside to having already been caught being uncharacteristically emotional is that there’s little point continuing to attempt to hide it. Hijikata is being so nice to him even though he’s crying like a little girl. Gintoki expresses his appreciation by speaking into his shoulder, in a sob, “Thank you.”

Dammit, now Hijikata is feeling emotional too. He puts a hand on the back of Gintoki’s head, stroking his hair and holding him close.

The hug is held for a couple minutes, which Gintoki takes to try for the thousandth time to compose himself. It finally feels like it’s working, so he takes one final deep, shaky breath in and out and breaks the hug. He softly kisses Hijikata on the corner of the mouth and gives him a sad, lopsided smile. Even with the extremely crazy mayonnaise and cigarette addictions, this is pretty much the perfect man. Maybe someday he’ll tell this perfect man he’s in love with him. He laughs internally to think of the conniption fit he would induce if he said, _‘I, Sakata Gintoki, am in love with you, Hijikata Toushirou.’_

With a pouty frown, Hijikata asks, “What are you laughing at?”

Whoops. He must not have kept the laughter completely internal. The pout only makes him chuckle more. He gives a watered-down version of the truth. “I was just wondering how much of a panic attack you would have if I told you I like you.”

Hijikata huffs and turns his gaze away. His face turns red, and he mumbles, “Turn around.”

“What?” Gintoki asks, snickering.

“Turn around!” Hijikata demands, pointing at the tile wall behind Gintoki.

Gintoki turns around, and Hijikata picks up the soap and starts washing his back. Hijikata mutters, “I like you too.”

Ahhh, this man! Seriously, is there a more perfect man on this or any other humanoid-populated planet?

Wiping away a tear, Gintoki giggles, prompting a chiding smack on the ass and a whine from the man washing him. “Cut it out! Don’t laugh at me, you creep.”

Gintoki suppresses any further giggling, but he can’t wipe the smile from his face.

Hijikata finishes washing Gintoki’s body and moves on to his hair. Just like last time, his fingers keep getting snagged on tangles. He starts to complain, “Your hair is a pain—”

“Yes, yes, I know,” Gintoki interrupts. His tone is sulky, but truly, he’s thrilled to have Hijikata back.

He rinses off and switches places with Hijikata. He takes his time washing him and appreciating his being alive. He manages to avoid crying again, which he credits to himself as a huge accomplishment.

Hijikata rinses off and shuts off the water.

As they towel off, Gintoki is feeling good about where he’s tracking time-wise. They were probably in the shower for 15 minutes, which isn’t bad. Since they didn’t have sex, maybe Hijikata won’t be in such a hurry to have a smoke. Either way, he’s not fucking going anywhere for at least the next ten minutes, Gintoki will make damn well sure of that. In hopes of distracting his boyfriend from his tobacco addiction, he opens the closet and asks, “Would you like a terrycloth bathrobe or a yukata?”

Hijikata rummages through his overnight bag, looking for cigarettes, to no avail. Pulling his kimono from his bag, he tells Gintoki, “I’m all out of cigarettes. I bought a pack today, but I guess I forgot to bring it. I saw a tobacco shop on my way in. I’m going to walk there. I shouldn’t be gone more than fifteen minutes.”

Goddamn this man’s addictions! Gintoki is not above begging him to stay. He walks over to him and hugs him from behind, resting his head between his shoulder blades, and says quietly, “Please don’t go. Stay with me.”

“But…” Hijikata is torn about whether he should argue the point, because Gintoki seems very out of sorts today, and he doesn’t want to leave him alone. Halfheartedly, he argues, “The tobacco shop closes in a half-hour.”

“Doesn’t the hotel market sell your brand?” Gintoki reasons.

“They do, but a pack is probably at least 100 yen more expensive there.”

Gintoki gets his wallet from the nightstand. He pulls out a 100-yen coin and hands it to Hijikata. He begs, “Buy a pack at the hotel market when we go out for dinner?”

Hijikata wants a cigarette, but he can survive just fine without one for a while. He smoked on the way to the hotel, less than a half-hour ago. He puts the kimono back in the bag and says, “Ok.” He then answers the initial question, “I’ll take a bathrobe.”

Gintoki smiles, tremendously relieved. He gets the two terrycloth bathrobes from the closet and hands one to Hijikata. They put their robes on, and Hijikata hangs their towels in the bathroom. They then sit on the bed and watch the same police drama Gintoki watched the first time through.

Several minutes later, the building begins swaying from side-to-side.

Hijikata looks around, spooked. “What the…?”

Playing dumb, Gintoki remarks, “Must be an earthquake.”

The building’s movement goes from gentle to violent, and the lights flicker on and off.

Once the movement abates, the power goes out completely.

Hijikata’s phone rings. He answers and gets a high-strung Yamazaki asking if he’s all right.

“I am,” he answers, starting to get dressed as he talks, “but there are a lot of older buildings nearby that don’t look earthquake-proof. I’m going to see if anyone needs help. I’ll call back in ten minutes with a status.”

Fuck! Gintoki kept Hijikata from dying in the collapse of the tobacco shop building, but the idiot is _still_ trying to put himself in harm’s way! Gintoki starts getting dressed as well. He’s going with him, to make sure he doesn’t manage to find some other way to die.

Gintoki quickly finishes getting dressed, shoves his feet into his boots, grabs his room keys and phone, and follows Hijikata down 22 flights of emergency-lit stairs. They’re here earlier than he was last time, and the stairwell isn’t crowded yet, so they make good time.

As they exit the building at ground level, they each get the emergency alert regarding the quake on their phones. On their way to the tobacco shop, Gintoki gets a call from Shinpachi. He only talks to him long enough to let him know he’s fine.

It’s almost completely dark outside, and the power hasn’t come back on yet. Only the remaining bits of twilight and the moon provide illumination as they jog down the street toward the tobacco shop.

When their destination is in sight, Gintoki is horrified by what he sees. With the exception of the exterior wall where the stairs to the second floor used to be, the building is still standing, though it is making scary creaking noises, like it won’t continue standing for much longer.

The tobacco shop lady is standing in the middle of the street, crying out, “Please, anyone, help! There’s a family trapped on the second floor!”

At that, Hijikata is ready to break into a sprint toward the building, but Gintoki grabs him around the chest and forcibly holds him back.

Regarding Gintoki with bewildered eyes, he asks desperately, “What are you doing, Yorozuya?! Let me go! People need help!”

Gintoki locks eyes with him but doesn’t speak.

The building collapses noisily, kicking up a huge cloud of dust. Through the din, the screams of a man, woman and toddler are heard. In under ten seconds, the two-story building is razed to the ground.

Gintoki feels shaking; not like an earthquake, but like the universe shaking around him when he changes world lines. Between that and the building turning back into a rubble pile, he feels it’s safe to let Hijikata go.

Hijikata shoves him away, livid, and demands, “What the fuck? Explain yourself, right fucking now.”

Gintoki knows Hijikata isn’t going to like his answer, but he replies truthfully, “The building was about to collapse. I was afraid you would be killed.”

Sure enough, Hijikata doesn’t like that answer one bit. He explodes. “So, you traded the lives of the people in the building for mine?! That wasn’t your choice to make!”

That’s not a fair way to put it, Gintoki thinks. It’s not like he _wanted_ those people to die.

Before Gintoki can think of anything to say, Hijikata looks away, shaking his head in disbelief at what just happened, and says in an eerily subdued voice, “I don’t want to see your face, ever again. Get out of my sight.”

Gintoki pales and asks breathlessly, “You’re dumping me?”

Hijikata comes toe-to-toe with Gintoki. The inferno in his eyes conveys how serious he is when he answers evenly, “Unless you have some really fucking convincing reason I shouldn’t.”

Fuck, Gintoki was not prepared for the direction this evening took. It turned out much worse than he hoped. Still, having Hijikata as a living ex-boyfriend is far preferable to having him dead. He pulls the hotel room key cards from his back pocket and hands one to Hijikata.

Hijikata takes the card and walks away, to see if there’s anything he can do to help the people in the neighborhood.

Gintoki walks back to the hotel, gathers his belongings, and goes home.


	14. Sacrificial Necrosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki and Hijikata deal with the aftermath of the earthquake (the second time through).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Me, a few days ago, seeing EmpressVegah’s ‘fuck this angst’ bookmark tag]: No shit. I mean, I have this thing tagged ‘angst,’ so… [I check my own tags] Oh, shit. How did I forget such an obvious tag?? [I hastily add an ‘angst’ tag]

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 82 (Friday) 17:43**

Hijikata walks away from his ex-boyfriend and calls Yamazaki back, letting him know he’ll be assisting local residents and asking him to contact emergency services. Hijikata gets off the phone as quickly as he can, as there may be survivors trapped in the rubble. If so, the clock is ticking on their lives.

He puts aside how furious he is with Gintoki for stopping him from trying to help. He also refrains for the moment from consoling the tobacco shop lady, who has fallen to her knees in the middle of the street in front of the collapsed building, wailing in grief, calling out three names that he assumes correspond to the screams of a man, woman, and toddler he heard as the building came down. He climbs into the rubble, determined to either locate survivors or confirm there are none.

On his way in, the streetlights turn on. It only takes him about a minute to find a group of three bodies. An old man, a young woman, and a toddler appear to have died instantly, crushed under the heavy roof tiles.

He climbs back out of the rubble. The old woman is now standing up and seems to have composed herself emotionally. He walks over to her, introduces himself, and offers his condolences. “I’m Hijikata Toushirou, Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi. I’m very sorry for your loss.”

For a second, it looks like she might lose it again with his indirect confirmation that there were no survivors. To make sure she’s ok, he asks, “Is it all right if I ask you a few questions?” She nods, and he asks politely, “What’s your name, ma’am?”

In a tremulous voice, she answers, “I’m Sato Mitsuko.”

“You run the tobacco shop, correct? Do you also live in this building, Sato-san?” he asks, thoughtfully avoiding referring to the existence of her business and home in the past tense.

“Yes. My apartment is--” she corrects herself, “ _was_ on the first floor, behind my shop. On the second floor…” Her lips tremble, like she’s about to start crying again, but she keeps it in-check and continues, “The Suzuki family lives on the second floor. Sadae-chan is only twenty-four, and she’s such a good girl. She’s a single mother, raising her three-year-old daughter Keiko-chan on her own, and she takes care of her grandfather, Saburou-san. They… They--” She gets choked up to the point of being unable to talk.

Hijikata puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. He wants to tell her it’s unnecessary for her to put on a brave face in front of him, but he thinks his first priority should be apologizing. He’s caught off-guard by the way his voice shakes as he says, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help them.”

Her brow crinkles with concern. She puts a hand over his, comforting him back. “Please don’t apologize, young man. If you’d gone in there, you probably wouldn’t have made it out.”

She’s being very kind, but it doesn’t make him feel better. He would gladly have given his life if he could have saved even one of the people trapped in the building. He doesn’t share that thought with her. He nods, then pulls one of his business cards from his wallet. He hands her the card and urges sincerely, “If you need _anything_ , call me.”

She nods, gives a sad smile, and says, “Thank you.”

Once first responders arrive, he assists them. Even after they leave, having done what little they can in the circumstances, he stays, helping temporarily evacuate adjacent buildings that might have sustained structural damage from the collapse and making sure everyone has a place to keep their families warm and safe overnight. He only takes a break because a family practically demands that he sit down to eat a home-cooked meal with them, and he only leaves because Sato insists he has done enough and needs rest as much as any of them. She offers to see if one of the neighbors can put him up for the night, but he declines.

He doesn’t want to go back to the hotel and risk seeing Gintoki. Unfortunately, he left his overnight bag in the room, so he at least needs to stop by and grab it. The elevators are back in working order when he gets to the hotel. He takes one up to the 23rd floor and goes to the room, preparing himself for a confrontation with his ex-boyfriend, but when he opens the door, there’s no one there, and all of Gintoki’s belongings are gone. Rather than feeling relieved, he feels a sickening tightness in his chest. The best relationship he has ever had is over.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 82 (Friday) 17:43**

Gintoki checks his phone as he walks away from his ex-boyfriend. The divergence meter has changed from 1.130211 to 1.130209, and the time is 5:43. He can’t believe it took five minutes after the earthquake for that fucking building to fall.

The power comes back on just as he arrives at the hotel, but the elevators are still locked down, so he trudges up 22 flights of stairs, gathers his belongings from the room, and trudges back down 22 flights of stairs.

He walks toward home feeling numb and exhausted. Living the past few hours twice has drained him emotionally. It’s not often one experiences the loss of a significant other, realizes they’re in love, sees a dead significant other alive again, watches a building collapse likely kill three people, and gets dumped, all in the span of a single early evening.

The outcome was less than ideal, but Hijikata is alive and well. Gintoki keeps telling himself he did what he had to do, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s heartbroken.

He needs large quantities of alcohol. He picks up a bottle of cheap whiskey on his way home and gets blackout drunk, eventually passing out on his couch.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 82 (Friday) 22:11**

Hijikata decides to take advantage of having the hotel room to himself. He’s exhausted and could really use a good night’s sleep.

He takes another shower then lies down, but he can’t fall asleep. The worst part of the evening plays on a loop in his head. Over and over, he relives being physically held back by his boyfriend and forced to watch as a building collapses on a family of three. The mishmash of terror, fury, and helplessness washes through him afresh each time. There’s no way he can sleep in this state.

He tries to watch TV as a distraction, but none of the late-night programming is captivating enough to keep his mind off the family who died.

A little after 4:30 in the morning, he packs his bag and checks out. He walks to Shinsengumi HQ and briefs Kondou on the events of last night, disclosing that Gintoki was there but leaving out the part of the story where Gintoki prevented him from helping while the building’s residents were still alive.

Kondou informs Hijikata he wasn’t the only one who was busy last night. As is often the case after a large earthquake, there has been an unusual amount of crime, including joui activity. The two Shinsengumi leaders make a plan to keep enough men out on the streets to curb the crime while also giving everyone their much-needed rest.

During Hijikata’s thirty-first hour in a row with no sleep, he finds himself on the same block of the same street as his ex. Yorozuya and both kids are out doing pro bono odd jobs, boarding up broken windows, putting doors back on their tracks, and doing whatever else people need post-quake. Hijikata is still pissed off at Gintoki, but mostly, he’s just confused. He has seen Gintoki put his life on the line to help others multiple times, so he clearly isn’t unfamiliar with the concept. So, why the fuck did he stop him? He said it was ‘dangerous,’ but that’s maybe the biggest load of bullshit he’s ever heard come from Gintoki’s mouth. The man has zero fear, unless you count his fear of going three seconds without eating sweets.

Well, whatever. He’s not going to dwell on it. He’s having a difficult enough time dealing with what happened last night, without worrying about the motivation behind Gintoki’s behavior.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 83 (Saturday) 09:32**

A hung-over Gintoki is woken by a call of “good morning” from Shinpachi. He groans and pulls the covers over his head.

Shinpachi lets himself into his bedroom and says, “Gin-san, wake up. Kagura-chan called me this morning. She suggested that the three of us do free odd jobs for people who need help after the earthquake.”

Gintoki feels shitty, but he wants to do what he can to help. Priority one is getting sugar and caffeine into his system. He drags himself out of bed, gets dressed, and feeds himself. He and Shinpachi then meet Kagura at her school. The trio walks around town, helping people in need.

Around noon, they end up on the same block of the same street as Gintoki’s ex. Seeing him is bittersweet. It’s painful to not be able to share his life with the person he loves, but he’s very happy the person he loves is alive.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 84 (Sunday) 04:05**

Hijikata goes to bed early and gets several hours of sleep, but he by no means sleeps soundly. He hyperventilates himself awake repeatedly in response to disturbing dreams, in which his boyfriend holds him back from helping in a crisis. Powerless, he watches the building collapse. He hears the suddenly-cut-off screams of an old man, a young woman, and a little girl, as the roof above them comes down on their heads. Seeing being awake as the only way to make the nightmare stop, he gets up early.

A few hours later, he accompanies Kondou to a briefing with the Edo Department of Emergency Management. The latest damage totals are five dead and 214 injured, along with damage to several streets and hundreds of buildings. Luckily, water and power have been restored to all but a few areas, and the plan is for trains to be running completely normally for the Monday morning commute.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 84 (Sunday) 08:05**

Gintoki gets up early after he cries himself awake for the third time in a single night. It’s impossible for him to get good sleep when he repeatedly has disturbingly realistic dreams in which he finds Hijikata’s lifeless body buried in a rubble pile.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 85 (Monday) 13:42**

By Monday, life for most everyone in Edo is back to normal after the earthquake, with the obvious exceptions being anyone who lost a home or a loved one in the quake. Though Gintoki doesn’t fall into either of those categories on this world line, he is still losing sleep over what happened. He refuses to dwell on the decision he made. He was in an impossible position, and he made the best choice he could. Keeping Hijikata away from that building while it was still standing was the best way to ensure he stayed alive.

Gintoki is grateful he and Shinpachi have a job to keep him busy and distracted from thinking about Hijikata. They’ve been hired to promote a new hover-platter sushi restaurant which has hired Hasegawa as its assistant manager. After the lunch rush, Gintoki and Shinpachi take a break. They make a few lighthearted jokes, speculating about which will happen first: Hasegawa getting fired or the restaurant going out of business.

When the conversation dies down, Shinpachi breaks the silence with a quiet, “I’m sorry to hear about you and Hijikata-san.”

Gintoki’s eyes go wide with surprise, but he dials the reaction back and asks casually, “Where did you hear about that?”

Shinpachi turns red from his scalp to his chest. He answers, “Oh, uh, I saw Okita-san last night, and he told me he could tell something happened…”

Of course someone as observant as Sougo would notice. “Ah. Yeah…Thanks,” Gintoki says, more grateful than ever to have the kids in his life, now that he’s single again.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 88 (Thursday) 02:23**

Almost a week later, Hijikata’s ability to cope with the events of Friday night has waned to near-nonexistence. The few minutes starting with the earthquake and ending with dumping Gintoki have played over and over in Hijikata’s head, dozens if not hundreds of times. One question dominates his thoughts: _Why them and not me?_ Why, if someone had to die that night, was it those three innocent people and not him? He did nothing to deserve living through the earthquake, and they didn’t deserve to die.

He wishes he could accurately remember how long Gintoki held him back. It felt like it stretched on for minutes, but he knows it wasn’t that long. Was it ten seconds? Thirty seconds? A minute? Was it just long enough that he only would have gotten himself killed if he had run over to help, or was there enough time that he would have been able to get one or two of the people out before the building came down? He can’t help but think the latter is the case.

So many ‘what ifs’ plague him. _What if_ he had gone to the tobacco shop when he originally intended to, before the quake? _What if_ he had run there instead of jogged? _What if_ he had fought against Gintoki with all his strength?

Of course, he realizes there’s a chance the Suzuki family would have died no matter what he did, but to have not even _tried_ to help them fills him with crippling guilt.

Since the earthquake, his daily routine consists of leading the morning briefing and spending the rest of the day holed up in his office, doing paperwork. The thought of going out and hitting the streets causes his blood pressure to rise. What if he ends up in a situation where innocent lives are in danger? What if he fucks up again and has to watch more people die?

He has no appetite. He only eats at all to keep Yamazaki off his back.

Night time is no better. His dreams are realistic and terrifying. He has gotten maybe twenty-five hours of sleep in total over the past six nights.

Kondou and all the other guys have been supportive, repeatedly assuring him he did everything he could and that what happened was not his fault, but he can’t bring himself to see it that way.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 88 (Thursday) 13:56**

Gintoki has not been sleeping well since the events of Friday night, nor has he been eating anything that is less than 80% sugar. Feeling sluggish in the afternoon, he heads out to re-up on simple carbohydrates. On the way, he finds a man wearing a dark uniform and eye shades taking a cat nap in an alley. He goes into the alley and kicks the man in the thigh.

“Souichirou-kun, wake up. Come get parfaits with me.”

Sougo lifts his eye shades and squints up at Gintoki. “Ah, danna. You paying?”

“No.” He holds out a hand and helps Sougo up.

They go to a family restaurant and sit on opposite sides of a booth.

Since Sougo seems to already be aware he and Hijikata were dating but aren’t anymore, Gintoki decides to ask about Hijikata. He hasn’t seen him since the day after the earthquake, and he wants to know how he’s doing. “So, uh…How’s your boss?”

“Cranky. Not sleeping. Not eating, not even mayonnaise,” Sougo answers, blowing bubbles in his soda. He then glances across the table at Gintoki and asks, “Is it your fault, danna? Did you dump him?”

Gintoki sighs. “No. He dumped me.”

Sougo finishes his soda and stands up. Before walking away, he drops a couple-hundred yen on the table and concludes, “Maybe you should apologize to him for whatever you did to piss him off bad enough that he dumped you.”

The advice is immediately dismissed. It makes no sense for Gintoki to apologize to Hijikata for saving his life.

The longer Sougo’s report on Hijikata’s state rolls around in the back of Gintoki’s mind, the more it worries him. Hijikata is refusing mayonnaise? That sounds serious as a heart attack. He’s tempted to visit Hijikata, but Hijikata made it clear the night of the earthquake he doesn’t want to see him. It’s bad enough that he will probably see him at the ceremony tomorrow.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 89 (Friday) 17:00**

On the seventh day after the passing of the Suzuki family, people gather in a temple to pay their respects. Among the mourners are Gintoki, Hijikata, the tobacco shop lady, and many other neighbors and friends of the family. Before the ceremony begins, Gintoki and Hijikata make eye contact, only for Hijikata to immediately look away.

Not that Gintoki would normally pay a lot of attention as the monk delivers the sutras, but this time, his mind is only on Hijikata. He looks fucking awful. His complexion is a sickly pale grey. Sougo told him Hijikata hasn’t been sleeping, but he didn’t take it seriously until he saw him. Is his lack of sleep because of the building collapse? Well, fuck. Gintoki knows how that feels. He hasn’t gotten much sleep either, thanks to his recurring dreams of finding Hijikata dead in the rubble of that damn building.

It takes the full seventy minutes of ceremony for Gintoki to realize if he is losing sleep because of bad dreams, Hijikata might be as well. A wave of guilt hits him. How did he not realize it sooner? Of course Hijikata is miserable. He was forced to simply watch as a building collapsed and killed a family. For a guy as noble and self-sacrificing as Hijikata, that was a far worse fate than death.

Oh, man. He fucked up bad. He was so focused on making choices that would keep Hijikata _alive_ , he lost sight of everything else, including making Hijikata happy.

Hijikata’s reaction the night of the earthquake makes sense now, as does Sougo’s advice to apologize. Any conversation he might have with Hijikata is unlikely to be pleasant, so he may as well get apologizing over with as soon as possible. He’ll go see him later tonight.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 89 (Friday) 18:10**

The ceremony ends, and Hijikata watches Gintoki bolt out the door. It’s just as well; he doesn’t want to talk to him, anyway.

He finds Sato and again offers her his condolences.

She takes his hand between hers and says, “Thank you, Hijikata-san. How are you holding up?”

He lies to her. “Just fine, thank you. How about you? Have you found a permanent place to stay?”

“Yes. My niece and her family run a grocery store in Osaka. I’ll be living with them in exchange for working in their store. I’m moving there next week. It will be good to be back with family.” She then gives a sad, knowing smile and asks, “I saw your friend here earlier. Have you made up with him yet?”

He’s embarrassed that he dumped Gintoki so publicly. She shouldn’t have had to witness that. He looks away and doesn’t answer.

In a sympathetic tone, she points out, “He’s probably the reason you’re alive, you know? You should forgive him.”

With his distress surrounding the events of last Friday night, his mind hasn’t had the bandwidth to think about Gintoki, but he knows he can’t escape addressing the gigantic rift between them forever. He nods, acknowledging that he needs to give serious thought to forgiving him.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 89 (Friday) 23:00**

Gintoki sneaks into Shinsengumi headquarters and slinks his way to Hijikata’s room, where he sees a light on inside. He goes up to the exterior sliding door and knocks lightly.

The door is slid open wide enough for one blue eye to leer at him. Hijikata sighs and opens the door all the way.

Gintoki comes inside and sees evidence that Hijikata has hardly left this room. There are crumpled-up papers strewn everywhere, along with dozens of empty cigarette packs.

Hijikata puts out his nearly-spent cigarette. His hands shake as he lights a new one. Without making eye contact, he takes a deep drag off the cigarette, lets the smoke out through his nostrils, and asks, “What do you want, Yorozuya?” He sounds more exhausted than annoyed.

Gintoki cuts straight to the chase, prostrating himself and begging, “Please forgive me. When I held you back, I was only thinking of keeping you safe.”

“Id--…Idiot…” he stammers shyly, self-conscious at having prompted such an uncharacteristically sincere and earnest apology, “Stop with the dogeza…”

Gintoki sits up straight and repeats his sincere plea. “Please forgive me.”

If Sato hadn’t mentioned forgiving Gintoki, Hijikata might be punching him into next week for even asking, but she put the thought in his head, and it’s nearly all he has thought about for the past several hours. Unfortunately, Gintoki’s apology is too early. Hijikata needs more time to think before he accepts it. “You…” He runs his fingers through his hair, trying to think of a response, before settling on, “You fucking infuriate me.” The sighed-out words are completely lacking in venom.

It wasn’t an _‘I forgive you,’_ but it sounds like progress to Gintoki. He won’t jeopardize the headway he made by overstaying his welcome. He acknowledges Hijikata’s sentiment with an apologetic, “I know,” stands up, and walks to the door. Looking back at the glossy blue eyes of the man sitting on the floor, he says gently, “Try to get some sleep, ok?”

Hijikata nods, and Gintoki slides the door shut behind himself.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130209): Day 91 (Sunday) 21:58**

After twenty-four hours of pondering forgiving Gintoki, Hijikata concluded he needs to. Holding a grudge isn’t going to bring anyone back from the dead; it’s only going to make both of them miserable.

After forty-eight hours of reflection, Hijikata figures Sato may have been right from the start; if he had tried to help the Suzuki family, he might not have done anything but drive the death toll from three to four. Gintoki probably saved his life by holding him back. His knee-jerk reaction to blame Gintoki was unfair, and he owes him an apology.

Even though it’s late, he thinks he needs to offer his apology now, before he loses his nerve. If Gintoki can show up uninvited late at night, he can do the same. He puts on street clothes, walks to the Yorozuya, and knocks on the front door. Ten seconds later, a surprised Gintoki opens the door and invites him in.

Gintoki warily wonders what this is going to be about as he walks to one of the couches and sits down.

Hijikata slips off his shoes and follows, sitting next to Gintoki.

Gintoki notes how uneasy Hijikata looks. He is sitting leaning forward, with his elbows on his knees, hiding his face behind his clasped hands.

Once he gathers the courage to do what he came to do, Hijikata takes a deep breath, sits up straight, and looks Gintoki in the face. “I shouldn’t have reacted like I did that night. What happened to the Suzukis wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry.”

Gintoki is confused. _Hijikata_ is apologizing _to_ _him_? No, no. This feels wrong. Hijikata nearly had it right in the first place when he accused him of trading the lives of the Suzukis for his. In reality, he only traded the woman’s and little girl’s lives, but still… He’s sure this conversation would not be happening if Hijikata knew the truth. He waves it off as gracefully as he can. “It’s okay…You don’t owe me an apology.”

Hijikata feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest. He nods in acknowledgement of Gintoki’s acceptance of his apology and stands up to leave.

Gintoki doesn’t want Hijikata to leave yet. He has missed him so much. He’s desperate to bridge the gap between them, even if they never go back to having a ‘more than friends’ relationship. “Hey, um, wait… It’s late and cold out, and you frankly look like shit. Why don’t you stay the night? I’ll sleep out here, and you can have the futon.”

Hijikata is ridiculously tired, and the offer is tempting. Still, he’s not going to make an ex sleep on the couch to accommodate him. “If you don’t mind, I’ll stay, but I’ll sleep out here.”

Before Gintoki has a chance to argue the point, Hijikata stands his ground by lying down on his side on the couch and sticking his cold feet under Gintoki’s warm thigh. Ooh, yeah. That feels nice. He closes his eyes. He’s so exhausted from the little-to-no sleep he’s been getting recently that he immediately drifts off.

Gintoki is surprised but glad Hijikata took him up on his offer. He hopes he will be able to get some good sleep. Hijikata’s breathing is calm and rhythmic. Gintoki touches his leg, to verify that he’s asleep, and he doesn’t stir. Gintoki stands up without disturbing him. He gets a spare pillow and blanket from the closet and sets Hijikata up for a good night’s rest on the couch. Kneeling next to the couch, Gintoki lovingly kisses the top of Hijikata’s head and whispers, “Goodnight.”

He wasn’t planning to go to bed for a couple hours, but he knows Hijikata needs the rest, so he turns off the lights and goes to his room. He changes into pajamas, readies his futon, and lies down. Hijikata wasn’t the only person running short on sleep. It’s only a matter of minutes before Gintoki falls asleep.

To his severe disappointment, although he fell asleep easily, he gets less than two hours of sleep before he wakes from his recurring dream, sobbing and with tears streaming down his face. It’s less of a ‘dream’ and more of a ‘memory,’ really, of the moment he found Hijikata in the rubble. In the dream, he sees him and is struck with grief on the spot, crying in his sleep until he wakes up crying. Unlike the other dozens of times he has awoken in this state, this time he can easily reassure himself Hijikata isn’t dead. All he has to do is go look at the man sleeping on his couch.

He stops crying, blows his nose, and dabs the tears from his face. He goes out to the living room and lies down on the other couch, watching Hijikata sleep peacefully. Maybe ten minutes later, Gintoki dozes off lightly. A few minutes after that, he is woken by increasingly panicked-sounding breathing. He sits up and looks across the room, toward the source of the sound that woke him. It’s obvious Hijikata is having a nightmare. Gintoki thinks it would be a bad idea to wake him, so he tensely waits it out. His heart thumps hard as he witnesses the effect his choices are having on the man he loves.

Suddenly, Hijikata sits up, his breathing shaky and heavy. He looks around, disoriented. What the hell? He’s on Gintoki’s couch? Oh, yeah. That’s right; he agreed to spend the night here. He looks across the room and sees silver hair shining in the dim light. He’s ashamed to have been seen having his multiple-times-nightly nightmare.

“Are you all right?” Gintoki’s worried voice asks gently.

Hijikata swallows hard. “Yeah.” He thinks he should leave. He throws off the blanket and stands up. “Thanks for letting me crash here for a while.”

“Wait…” Gintoki pleads. He doesn’t want to let Hijikata leave without assuring him he’s not alone in what he’s going through. He divulges, “I have nightmares about it too.”

Oh. Hijikata feels like a self-centered asshole now. It hadn’t occurred to him the events of that night might have affected Gintoki as much as they affected him. He walks across the room and sits on the couch next to Gintoki. Hesitantly, he asks, “What are your nightmares about?”

Clasping his hands together so they won’t shake, Gintoki answers, “You… I find you dead in the rubble of the building.”

A week ago, Hijikata might have scoffed at the notion, but now he has accepted that he likely would have died if Gintoki hadn’t held him back.

“What about you?” Gintoki asks gingerly.

Hijikata repays Gintoki’s honesty. “In my dreams, you’re holding me back, and I’m fighting to get loose, but then it’s too late. I hear the screams, as clear as when it happened.”

Gintoki’s rib cage tightens with guilt. He didn’t even try to think of a way to save that family. Their lives were outside the scope of his mission to save Hijikata. He intentionally let two people who should have survived die, and now Hijikata blames himself for their deaths. Will Hijikata ever recover from his survivor’s guilt? Did Gintoki doom the man he loves to a lifetime of recurring nightmares? He asks a question he doesn’t want the answer to. “Hypothetically… If I had helped you instead of holding you back, could we have saved one or more of them?”

With a headshake, Hijikata admits, “I don’t know. I’m not sure there was enough time.”

“What would it have taken to get all three of them out alive, without either of us dying in the process?”

Hijikata has run through this hypothetical scenario in his head a million times, so it’s an easy question to answer. “If one of us had gotten up to the second floor, the little girl, Keiko, could have been dropped a short distance to the other. The mother, Sadae, could have jumped down, with some help on the ground. The grandfather, Saburou-san, had bad hips and needed help walking, but he was also very light. Both of us could have gotten him to the edge of the balcony and used a bedsheet or something to lower him down to his granddaughter.”

That would have taken a few minutes. Then again, that damn building stood for five minutes after the quake. They probably could have saved two if not three lives, if Gintoki had made different choices leading up to the quake. “Could we have pulled it off if we had already been at the tobacco shop when the earthquake struck?”

Hijikata answers, “I think so. We could have at least gotten Sadae and Keiko out.”

Fuck. Gintoki is going to have to live through that night again, isn’t he? He sighs. “I’m sorry I did this to you. I’ll do my best, but if I have to let one or two or even all three of them die to keep you alive, I will.”

Hijikata is flummoxed. What the fuck is Gintoki talking about?

Gintoki stands up and walks to his bedroom. He comes back out with his phone in his hand.

Now Gintoki is walking to the kitchen?? What’s going on?! Bewildered, Hijikata follows and asks, “Yorozuya…what are you doing? What do you mean, ‘you’ll let them die to keep me alive’?”

Gintoki plugs 4:40 pm of Friday before last into his time measurement conversion app. The difference between now and then is 226.2 hours. He rounds down, punching two-two-six into the microwave and the Time field of his phone’s Call function. Before he completes the Time Leap process, he hugs Hijikata and promises, “Someday, I’m going to tell you I’m in love with you.”

The arms surrounding Hijikata release their grasp, and Hijikata nearly passes out from the information he was just given. Shocked, he is barely able to force out the question, “You…you’re _what…_?!” before Gintoki presses Send and Start and puts the phone up to his ear. The kitchen fills with lightning, and the microwave’s turntable spins in reverse. Gintoki’s consciousness is thrown nine days into the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fucking earthquake sub-arc was supposed to be two or three chapters, but _nooooo_.


	15. Made in Complex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki time travels back to the night of the earthquake again.

**β (1.130209): Day 92 (Monday) 02:49**

**< <<   <<<   <<<**

**β (1.130209): Day 82 (Friday) 16:49**

As Gintoki’s consciousness hurtles 226 hours into the past, his vision goes dark. He can’t breathe.

His trip through time ends no fewer than sixty seconds later. He feels like he lands on the hotel bed from a high freefall. He gasps for air, and his heart nearly thumps out of his chest.

He catches his breath and checks his phone. As expected, there was no change to the divergence meter reading, and he has about twenty minutes before Hijikata shows up. He decides to use the time to come up with a plan, because he is not fucking doing this fucking earthquake shit a fourth fucking time, dammit.

Here’s his plan, and as far as he’s concerned, it is foolproof:

          Step 1: Get fucked in the shower.

          Step 2: Go with Hijikata to the tobacco shop. Stay there through the quake.

          Step 3: Save the family trapped in the apartment above the tobacco shop.

          Step 4: Come back to the hotel and fuck Hijikata.

Mission accomplished. Presumably, Hijikata will fall deeply in love with Gintoki when he sees his shining valor.

Just kidding. He’s not that confident. He takes the twenty minutes he has until Hijikata shows up to solidify his plan.

To cut down on unexpected variables during the period leading up to Hijikata noticing he’s out of cigarettes, Gintoki plans to do exactly what he did the first time through. The first time he lived through this evening was over a week ago, and then he did the same evening differently a second time, so he’s having difficulty getting the details straight in his head. Did he invite himself into the shower, or was he invited? How long did they spend making out? Who washed whom first?

Timing is key. If they take too little time in the shower, they could already be walking back to the hotel after buying cigarettes when the earthquake hits. Conversely, if they take too much time in the shower, they could get to the tobacco shop too late. Either way, the outcome would be undesirable. There’s no point in getting there just in time to get killed trying to help, only save one or two of the three people who are trapped, watch the building collapse on its three occupants, or walk up to a pile of rubble. The first possibility is unquestionably the worst, but the latter three possibilities are not much better, as each carries the risk of sending Hijikata right back into survivor’s guilt mode.

By the time Hijikata knocks on the door, Gintoki thinks he’s ready to execute his plan. He takes a deep, calming breath and lets him in.

“Sorry I’m late,” Hijikata mumbles, stepping inside and dropping his bag. “Need a shower.”

Gintoki’s heart skips a beat at seeing a Hijikata who is alive, doesn’t have survivor’s syndrome, and is still his boyfriend. He’s happy to have him back, but he knows not to count his chickens before they hatch. He still has a lot of work to do tonight. Nervous he might get the sequence of events wrong, he focuses on carrying out his plan.

He recalls that he invited himself along for a shower the first time. He suggests, “We could take one together…”

Hijikata walks to the bathroom, responding with an eye roll, “I’m not going to cram into a shower with another grown man, idiot. Just wait. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Gintoki anxiously awaits the invitation he needs.

Hijikata calls from the bathroom, “Holy shit, this shower is huge.”

Gintoki lets out a breath of relief and sheds his clothes on his way to the bathroom. He steps into the shower, where Hijikata is busy tweaking the water temperature. He caresses him from behind, gently kissing the side of his neck.

Hijikata turns around within his arms and tries to push him away. “What the… What are you doing in here?! If you need a shower, you can take one when I’m done.”

Oh shit. Gintoki fucked up already! Crap, he can’t remember what went differently the first time through. He could have sworn Hijikata’s remark about the size of the shower was basically an invitation.

Hijikata reads the panic on Gintoki’s face as hurt feelings. Given that he already screwed up their plans for Gintoki’s birthday by working through an afternoon he promised to take off, he feels like shit about upsetting him. He caves. “F-Fine…We can take a shower together, but let me wash myself before you start groping me. I smell awful.”

Not complying with Hijikata’s request, Gintoki hugs him and says, “You’re wrong. You always smell good.” He doesn’t completely let go of the hug, but he backs away a bit so he can look his ex… no, his _boyfriend_ in the face. He missed him so much. Fuck if letting him go in exchange for keeping him alive wasn’t one of the hardest things he’s ever done. He kisses Hijikata slowly, bringing their lips and tongues together. It might seem odd that he missed kissing a mouth that alternates between consuming a condiment like it’s an entrée and inhaling cigarette smoke the way normal people inhale air, but he did; he missed his kiss and his touch. He loves this man so much, it’s painful.

It’s not that Hijikata isn’t enjoying the slow, sensual kiss, but it’s different from the other dozens of kisses he has shared with Gintoki. He can’t quite put his finger on what exactly is different.

It takes him a minute to figure out his boyfriend is conveying _emotion_ through the kiss, specifically…

…No…

It can’t be.

The emotion that initially crosses his mind – which, if you think Hijikata is going to articulate this word under the current circumstances, even in his head, you are sadly mistaken – is far too advanced for Gintoki’s emotional intelligence. There’s no way Gintoki has fallen in _you-know-what_ with him. Surely, the correct word for the emotion Gintoki is conveying is _like._ Hijikata kisses back passionately. He feels the same. His former begrudging physical attraction to Gintoki came with no particular fondness for the man, but since they started dating, he has discovered he truly likes him.

Gintoki touches Hijikata’s emerging hard-on and is rewarded with a sexy man moaning into his mouth and rutting into his hand. He should ask Hijikata to fuck him from behind, since that’s what he did the first time, but he doesn’t want to face away from him. He breaks the kiss and suggests, “Fuck me against the tile wall?”

The needle on Hijikata’s horny-meter jumps up into the red. He would love to grant Gintoki’s birthday sex wish, but his level-headed instincts force him to point out, “We don’t have condoms or lube in here.”

Neither Gintoki’s plan to follow the same steps as he did the first time through nor the fact that he’s a libidinous pervert is the primary reason he desires his boyfriend’s cock; he desperately yearns to connect their bodies again after losing Hijikata to death and a breakup. “That’s ok,” he assures, hiding his face in the crook of Hijikata’s neck to conceal the pained look it bears at recalling the previous two world lines, “I just want to feel you inside me.”

Hijikata’s horny-meter reading goes off the charts. He gets two fingers wet with saliva and reaches around Gintoki, gently opening him up as they tangle tongues and press their naked flesh together under the warm water. When he thinks Gintoki is ready, he pulls his fingers out and spits into his hand. He spreads his saliva over the areas that need it. He then lifts Gintoki’s right leg, holding it up by joining the crook of his left elbow to the back of Gintoki’s right knee.

Gintoki rests his back against the cold tile wall for balance.

The way Gintoki is spread open is sexy and inviting. Hijikata wants to go at it hard right away, but his remaining rationality reminds him to go easy on Gintoki. Without real lube, he could literally injure him if he’s not careful. He presses the head of his saliva-lubricated cock in slowly. Once he’s all the way in, he waits a few moments before he starts moving.

Gintoki’s heart is about to burst. He’s unspeakably happy and grateful to have Hijikata back. He wants to share the rest of his life with him. He _absolutely cannot_ fuck tonight up again. He _will not_ fuck up. He _will_ keep Hijikata alive and happy. He _will_ keep them together, as a couple, and he _will_ tell Hijikata he loves him, when the time is right; for now, he settles for conveying his feelings via the intimate joining of their bodies. He puts a hand on the back of Hijikata’s head and pulls him in for a kiss. They share a breathy, open-mouth kiss as Hijikata pounds Gintoki into the wall.

Gintoki’s constant moaning is interfering with both their kiss and Hijikata’s ability to make it last. He’s going to cum any second now, and he wants to make sure Gintoki is right there with him. He uses his free hand to stroke Gintoki’s engorged cock. As he fills his boyfriend with warm cum, Gintoki groans and paints their stomachs white.

Hijikata pulls out and lets Gintoki stand up normally again. Once he catches his breath, he says, “You’ll get your turn after dinner.”

Gintoki kisses him on the lips and says with a smile, “I can’t wait.”

While Gintoki rinses off what’s leaking out of him, he thinks they’re still on-track timing-wise. He’s 99% sure he started off the cleaning portion of their shower the first time, so he lathers a bar of soap in his hands and washes Hijikata, taking longer than necessary to wash and grope his crotch, which of course earns him an embarrassed protest. He moves on, washing the rest of Hijikata’s body and his hair.

Hijikata gets his hands soapy with lather from his body and washes his face, then he rinses off. They switch places, and Hijikata lathers his hands up and cleans Gintoki’s body.

Gintoki rehearses in his head what he remembers saying the first time that resulted in Hijikata’s confessing he likes him. When Hijikata starts washing his hair, he closes his eyes and waits impatiently for Hijikata to gripe about it. He doesn’t have to wait long. Hijikata’s fingers get snagged on tangles a couple times, then he complains, “Your hair is a pain in the ass.”

Forcing a pout when he really wants to grin, Gintoki responds, “No shit. Thanks for the reminder, you naturally silky-straight-haired dickwad.”

Hijikata patronizingly consoles him. “Aww, you poor, natural-perm crybaby; it’s ok. I still like you, even though your hair is a fluffy, tangly mess.”

Gintoki feels like crying tears of joy at hearing the words again. He plays it cool, opening one eye partway and pointing out the implication of what Hijikata said. “You _like_ me?”

“I… Uh…” Hijikata avoids eye contact. His face turns red. He huffs and asks quietly, “So what if I do?”

Gintoki gives a loving smile and says, “I like you too.” It’s a borderline lie, as Gintoki is fully aware ‘like’ doesn’t begin to cover the scope of his feelings.

Slightly embarrassed at having accidentally confessed, Hijikata rinses the shampoo from his hands, backs away, and mumbles, “All done.”

Gintoki washes his own smiling face and rinses off. He turns off the water, and they towel off.

On the way out of the bathroom, Hijikata says, “I need a cigarette. The smoking area is on the ground floor behind the building. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Ok,” Gintoki responds. He walks to the bed and picks his phone up from the nightstand. He checks the time and sees they are still right on-track. He pretends to check his email while he waits for Hijikata to figure out he’s out of cigarettes.

Hijikata searches his overnight bag in vain, then curses under his breath. “I’m all out of cigarettes. I bought a pack today, but I guess I forgot to bring it. I’m going to walk to the tobacco shop I saw on my way in. I shouldn’t be gone more than fifteen minutes.”

“I’ll go with you,” Gintoki offers.

“What? No. You don’t need to do that. I’ll be right back,” Hijikata responds, pulling his kimono from his bag.

Damn this stubborn fool! Gintoki won’t be deterred so easily. He picks his clothes up off the floor and starts getting dressed. “It’s nice out today, so I don’t mind going with you. Plus, if you passed the same tobacco shop I did on the way here, I noticed she sells chocolates. You can buy me some.”

Hijikata rolls his eyes. “I’m not buying you any chocolates, but you can come with me, if you want.”

Gintoki covertly lets out a breath of relief. He checks the time on his phone again. It’s 5:29. There are seven or so minutes until the earthquake hits. They should get to their destination right on time.

They finish getting dressed, take the elevator down twenty-two floors, and discuss where they want to go for dinner later as they walk to the tobacco shop.

When they arrive, complete strangers Sato and Hijikata greet one another, and he asks her for a pack of Mayoboros.

Despite their leisurely pace, Gintoki notes when he takes another peek at the time that the walk only took five minutes. He needs to make sure they spend another minute or two here.

Hijikata completes his purchase. He thanks Sato and walks away.

Gintoki acts quickly to keep Hijikata from getting any farther away. He walks up to the tobacco shop counter, rests an elbow on it, and asks Sato, “Hey, obasan, have you ever sold a jackpot-winning lottery ticket?”

Hijikata turns around, arms crossed. “Don’t bother the shopkeeper. I’m sure she has better things to do than shoot the breeze with you.”

Gintoki ignores him and continues to talk to Sato. “I bought a 300-million-yen winner one time, but _some idiot_ not only lost the whole of my winnings; he managed to get both of us arrested for bank robbery, even though he’s a cop!”

The button-pressing works. Hijikata stomps over to Gintoki and sneers, “ _Who’s_ an idiot!? _You’re_ the one who took it upon yourself to become the leader of a gang of thieves! It’s only because I’m a cop that I was able to get us out of the bind _you_ got us in!”

“Oh please, Oogushi-kun,” Gintoki responds sarcastically, doing whatever he can to keep the bickering session going, “If you had returned the fortune to its rightful owner – _me!_ – instead of keeping it for yourself, I wouldn’t have had to pretend to lead a gang of thieves to keep us safe!”

“I know you know my name is not Oogushi!” an irritated Hijikata fires back. He then threatens, “Stop being an idiot, and leave the shopkeeper alone, or else I’m not letting you order dessert when we go out for dinner.”

“What?! No dessert?!” Gintoki whines, nearly forgetting why he started this argument in the first place, “That’s not fair! Today is my birth…day…” He feels the ground moving, so he stops talking and stands completely still. The items on the shop’s shelves start to rattle. Feigning ignorance, he asks, “Earthquake?”

The quake starts out minor, but it soon speeds up.

Sato has trouble standing through the shaking. Luckily, she has a chair nearby, which she practically falls into.

Before Gintoki’s and Hijikata’s eyes, cracks form in the exterior of the building. The wall on the alley side crashes to the ground, taking the stairs to the second floor with it.

After another thirty seconds of shaking, the earthquake subsides, but the scene is by no means quiet. The entire building is creaking ominously. A toddler is screaming in the second-floor apartment. An anime theme song ringtone is coming from Hijikata’s phone.

While Hijikata briefly talks on the phone with Yamazaki, Gintoki jumps up, grabs the edge of the tile overhang, and pulls himself up to the second-floor balcony. Hijikata hangs up the phone, and Gintoki calls down to him, “I’m going to figure out a way to get everyone up here down to you, ok?”

Hijikata nods, then he turns his attention to Sato. She is shaken and worried about her upstairs neighbors, but other than that, she’s fine. He gets her away from the building and to the relative safety of the street.

Inside the apartment, Gintoki finds the three members of the Suzuki family, whom he recognizes from their memorial service photos. Saburou is trying to convince Sadae it’s impossible to get him out, now that the stairs are gone. He wants her to leave him behind and save herself and Keiko. Sadae insists there must be a way to get all three of them out. All the while, Keiko is sitting in her mother’s arms, screaming her head off.

Gintoki joins the debate, telling Sadae, “My friend and I will get all three of you out safely. Now, come with me.”

She sobs and blubbers about her grandfather being the only family she’s ever had.

He tries to calmly persuade her that his plan is the best way to get everyone out. “I understand. Let’s get you and your daughter to safety, then my friend and I will work on getting the old man down.”

She wails incoherently about refusing to leave her grandfather.

Gintoki is fed up. They don’t have time for this. He forcibly drags her out of the apartment. She screams and fights against him the whole way, wasting even more of what little precious time they have. Once he gets her out to the balcony, he rips the child from her arms, points down at Hijikata, and orders, “Drop down to him. I’ll lower your kid, then we’ll get the old man out.” When she hesitates, he gives her an intimidating vermilion glare and emphatically commands, “Quickly!”

Shaking with fear, she does as told, climbing over the railing, down the short overhang, and dropping herself into Hijikata’s waiting arms. She then speaks words of comfort to her understandably terrified daughter as Gintoki lowers the little girl over the railing and lets her drop the short distance to Hijikata’s arms.

“I could use your help up here,” Gintoki tells Hijikata.

Hijikata hands the child to her mother. Everyone’s cell phones simultaneously make obnoxious noises. Hijikata takes a second to check his phone and is relieved to see there’s no risk of tsunami. He puts his phone away and scales the face of the building. When he gets to the second floor, Gintoki is working on getting the old man out to the balcony.

“Can you find a rope or something, so I can climb down with him?” Gintoki asks Hijikata.

The building continues to creak ever-louder as Hijikata goes into the apartment and searches. The best he can find is a bedsheet.

Gintoki clears away a few rungs’ worth of wooden balcony railing with his bokuto.

Hijikata brings the bedsheet out and ties it to the bottom of a railing rung near the opening Gintoki created. He gives the makeshift rope a tug, to make sure his knot is secure and that the rung it’s tied to won’t break.

Gintoki squats down, and the old man latches onto his back, holding onto him around his shoulders. “Hold on tight, ojisan,” Gintoki encourages.

Hijikata hands Gintoki the bedsheet, climbs over the railing, and drops down to the street.

The building makes a noise akin to a pained groan, signaling its imminent structural failure.

Gintoki executes a careful rope climb down the bedsheet, hand-under-hand, going as fast as he can, with the weight of another adult on his back. He’s thankful the old man has bad hips and not bad arms and that he’s as light as previous-world-line Hijikata said.

From the ground, Hijikata helps steady them until Gintoki is low enough to drop without injuring the old man.

As soon as they’re down, they get away from the building. Hijikata tells the neighbors who have gathered to watch the scene to get back. For about thirty seconds, there’s silence, but then one roof tile falls, and then another. Finally, the entire building crashes down loudly, turning to a pile of rubble in less than ten seconds.

The universe shakes around Gintoki, signaling a change of world lines. Holy fuck, that was a close call, Gintoki thinks, letting out a huge sigh of relief. With him and Hijikata working together and his knowledge of the future, they saved everyone with less than a minute to spare. It’s no wonder Hijikata didn’t make it out alive the first time through. He grabs his boyfriend and squishes him in a tight hug.

“Oi… Hey…! Let me go!” an embarrassed and oxygen-deprived Hijikata says, finally getting Gintoki to let him loose after a minute of trying to pull away.

Gintoki gives Hijikata an adorable, disarming grin.

When Hijikata catches himself shyly smiling back, he looks away and points out that they have more work to do. “We should get the neighbors on either side evacuated, just in case.”

Gintoki agrees.

Hijikata calls Yamazaki back, briefing him on the situation and letting him know he’ll be staying in the area overnight but will come back to HQ early in the morning.

While Hijikata is on the phone, Gintoki checks his phone and sees two things; first, the divergence meter reading has changed from 1.130209 to 1.130208; second, he missed a call from the Shimura residence. He returns the missed call and talks to Shinpachi, even though he’s sure he’s all right.

They both hang up their phones, and Hijikata remarks, “It’s going to be hard to check the buildings in the neighborhood for structural damage in the dark.” The second he gets the sentence out, the electricity comes back on, and streetlights illuminate the area. “Nevermind.”

While they work, Gintoki thinks back on what a pouty, ungrateful bitch he was the first time through this night. His boyfriend spent his hard-earned money on a very nice hotel room so they could celebrate his birthday together, and it didn’t even cross his mind to thank him for it. It took Hijikata’s death for him to snap out of being a self-centered asshole. He will be sure to thank him properly when they’re alone again.

They spend the evening making sure everyone has a place to keep themselves and their families warm and safe overnight. They planned to go out to a restaurant for dinner, but they are just as happy to take one of the local families up on their generous offer of joining them for a homemade meal. They help out until around 11:00, at which point Sato and the Suzuki family shoo them away, insisting they have done more than enough and should get some rest.

Hijikata hands Sato and the Suzukis his business card and tells them, “Call me if you need anything.”

They thank him and Gintoki from the bottom of their hearts for their lifesaving help.

Gintoki and Hijikata go back to their hotel room. Despite having showered just before the earthquake, they are in need of showers again, after getting themselves covered in sweat and collapsed-building dust.

Gintoki is ecstatic with how everything turned out. No one died, and he still has a boyfriend. He wraps his arms around Hijikata from behind and asks, “Should we take another shower together?”

Hijikata shakes him off. “No! Get off me! Take your own shower, then I’ll take mine.” In a bashful mumble, he adds, “I need time and privacy to get ready.”

Gintoki doesn’t want to be even a short distance away from Hijikata, but if Hijikata means what Gintoki thinks he means by ‘get ready,’ he will be able to connect with him again shortly. Grinning, he releases his boyfriend, strips, and takes a fast shower.

When Gintoki is done with his shower, Hijikata carries his entire overnight bag into the bathroom and closes the door.

Gintoki puts on a yukata and sits on the bed while Hijikata takes his time in the shower. Even after Gintoki hears the shower water turn off, Hijikata takes fucking forever in the bathroom. Gintoki considers checking on him. He’s glad he doesn’t, once the bathroom door opens.

Hijikata is wearing nothing but black, waist-high fishnet stockings and an intense blush. He’s more embarrassed than he ever has been in his entire life. He doesn’t walk any farther than the threshold of the bathroom. He can’t believe he thought this was a good idea. He wonders if he could get away with retreating into the bathroom and locking himself in there for the night.

Like a virgin who has accidentally stumbled across high-quality video of their kink while using the internet unsupervised for the first time, Gintoki forgets how to breathe. He sits on the bed, gawking slack-jawed at his insanely sexy boyfriend. When his lungs scream for oxygen, his diaphragm contracts, and he draws a breath. As he exhales the breath, he asks hopefully, “Is this my gift?” When Hijikata does nothing but turn redder, he waves him over. “Come here. Let me see.”

Hijikata reluctantly and awkwardly walks over to the bed.

Gintoki reaches out and gently runs fingertips down Hijikata’s fishnet-encased thighs, amazed by his boyfriend’s beauty and thoughtfulness. He looks up and says sincerely, “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

Hijikata looks away shyly.

“I’m serious. You look…” He struggles to find the right word. “You’re gorgeous.”

A small puff of incredulous breath leaves Hijikata’s mouth. “No way. I look gross. There’s hair sticking out everywhere.”

Gintoki plays with some of the leg hair that’s poking through the diamond-shaped openings in the stockings. “It’s fucking sexy, trust me.”

“Th—Thanks,” Hijikata forces out. He moans when a warm, wet tongue laps at his cock. It feels so strange to be licked through the stockings’ crisscrossing fabric. He runs fingers through his boyfriend’s head of damp, silver hair as Gintoki works his tongue into and over the fishnet, licking his package until he starts getting hard.

Gintoki stops what he’s doing for a moment to ask, with a grin and a tilt of the head toward the stockings, “Am I allowed to rip these?”

With another self-conscious look away, Hijikata nods, then adds, “There’s a second gift…”

Gintoki looks Hijikata up and down. When he sees nothing else, he gives a curious smirk to Hijikata and asks, “Is it on you somewhere?”

“You could say that,” Hijikata answers, quietly enough that he’s nearly inaudible.

He turns around, and Gintoki sees a black loop peeking out from between his cheeks, underneath the intertwining strings of the stockings. Holy fuck. Is that what he thinks it is? Man, this guy really went all-out on gifts. He basically put his own spin on the gift Gintoki requested a couple weeks ago, with black fishnets instead of pink lace panties and what Gintoki is guessing is a string of anal beads instead of a butt plug. He stands up, turns Hijikata around, and kisses him passionately until they’re both out of breath.

When the kiss ends, Hijikata says, “Before you fuck me raw, I have one last gift.”

“Is it cake?” Gintoki asks, with hyper optimism.

“No, it’s not cake, dumbass,” Hijikata answers, with a frown and a shove to Gintoki’s shoulder, “It’s…” He looks away again out of embarrassment and mumbles, “You can call me Toushirou…if you want.”

Gintoki was serious when he suggested they’ve been dating long enough to call each other by their given names, but he never thought it would happen this soon. Speaking of how long they’ve been dating… They started officially dating on September 10; today is October 10, so it’s their anniversary, of sorts. Gintoki pulls Hijikata close and tests out how it feels to let the name roll off his tongue. “Happy one month dating anniversary, Toushirou.” As expected, it feels wonderful. Now he just needs to find out how it feels to be called by his given name.

Hijikata had noticed the milestone, but he wasn’t going to mention it, as he assumed his boyfriend didn’t care about that sort of thing. He’s touched to know he assumed wrong. He hugs Gintoki and responds, “Happy anniversary, Gintoki.”

Being called by his given name feels wonderful. Gintoki knew it would. The embrace is held silently for a minute, then his mind goes back to Hijikata’s words of a few sentences ago. Trying not to sound too horny, he asks, “Did I hear you mention something about me fucking you raw?”

Hijikata nods. “I did you raw earlier, so it’s only fair…”

Getting increasingly excited, Gintoki asks, “Do I get to cum inside?”

Hijikata nods again.

There are so many erotic and romantic things happening at once. Gintoki wants to properly appreciate every aspect of it. He starts by disrobing, then he pushes Hijikata onto the bed, on his back. Hijikata centers himself on the huge bed. Gintoki gets onto the bed and sits between Hijikata’s legs. He takes his time worshipping the fishnet-covered legs, feeling them up thoroughly, licking along the inner thighs and sucking on the stocking-covered toes. It’s a fucking turn-on to make Hijikata moan and squirm, knowing he’s lying there with a toy shoved up his ass.

Hijikata is mortified that having his legs licked and sucked while he’s wearing stockings and has a toy shoved up his ass is making him moan and squirm. He wishes Gintoki didn’t see the need to spend several minutes humiliating him this way. His body disagrees with his distaste for the situation, evidenced by the way his stiff cock strains to escape from its fabric prison.

Gintoki pokes his tongue through openings in the fabric, licking his boyfriend’s erect dick while he considers which position he wants him in for the next phase. He makes his decision and asks Hijikata, “Bend over the bed for me?”

At once relieved the stocking fetish portion of the evening is over and embarrassed to let someone play with the sex toy that’s inside him, Hijikata climbs off the bed and gets in place, feet on the floor, with his legs spread and his forearms on top of the bed.

Gintoki kneels on the floor behind him, licking and kissing his gorgeous net-covered ass-cheeks. He then carefully bites down on the net with his front teeth and pulls until it starts to rip. Impatient to get a clear view of what he’s dealing with, he rips the back of the stockings open using his fingers. He’s curious to see what type of toy is inside. The only way to find out is to pull on the black silicone loop.

He pulls on the retrieval loop slowly and is doubly-rewarded, first with an impassioned _“ahh”_ coming from his boyfriend’s mouth, and second with the sight of Hijikata’s hole being stretched wide by a black silicone bead. Gintoki stops pulling when he sees the stretching max out around the circumference of the bead. He’s impressed. This must be Hijikata’s first time using such a toy, and he managed to stuff beads at least the size of ping-pong balls inside himself. He pulls a little bit more, and the first bead comes out _,_ coaxing a light groan from Hijikata.

With the first lubricant-coated bead out, Gintoki can see that this is the variety of toy where there’s a length of thin, soft silicone between the beads. He wonders how many more beads there are. He’ll find out soon enough, he supposes. He continues enjoying his gift, pulling until the second bead’s circumference fills the hole. He can tell Hijikata is struggling to keep his reaction quiet. Fuck that. He wants to hear him. He tests Hijikata’s ability to hold back his voice by slowly licking around the rim of the stretched orifice.

_“Unghh, ahhh!”_

Gintoki grins. To find out if there are more sexy noises where those came from, he pulls the second bead the rest of the way out and gets a satisfying _“Hnn.”_

The third bead might be the last one, so he puts his best effort into wringing as much moaning from his boyfriend as he can. He pulls, torturously slowly, again stopping when he gets to maximum stretch. He reaches between Hijikata’s spread legs, through the hole in the back of the stockings, and strokes his cock. It’s already very stiff, and it doesn’t take much to stimulate it and make it twitch for more.

 _“Ahh, haa, haa,_ G-Gin _…_ toki… _”_ Hijikata pants out, burying his face in the sheets, _“Mmmm.”_

Hearing his name makes him lose interest in the silicone sex toy. He wants the living sex toy. He releases his grasp on Hijikata’s cock and pulls bead number three the rest of the way out. As it turns out, the third bead wasn’t the last. He yanks the retrieval loop hard, and the fourth and final bead quickly comes out, drawing the loudest pleasured noise yet from Hijikata. “ _Ahhh_ , fuck!”

Gintoki throws the length of beads aside, like he’s pissed off at it for delaying him from connecting with Hijikata directly. He stands up and dives straight in. His cock goes in easily, its destination having already been fully stretched and lubricated. He pushes Hijikata into the mattress hard, with a hand between his shoulder blades, and thrusts into him with full force.

Hijikata’s boyfriend is so far inside him, farther than he ever thought possible. Every thrust is making his stocking-constricted cock rub against the sheets. He had not expected giving himself as a gift to result in his feeling like he’s drowning in pleasure, but that’s where he is. With all the fetish play, he has pretty well chucked his pride in the trash, so he doesn’t even try to hold back audible proof of how good he’s feeling, though he does keep his volume in-check by moaning into the mattress.

Gintoki is getting close. He picks up speed. Then, at the last second, a stray thought prompts him to pull out. He jerks himself to completion over his boyfriend’s backside. He tells Hijikata, “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”

He gets tissues from the bathroom, mops up the mess he made, and tells Hijikata, “Turn over.”

Hijikata rolls off his stomach and sits on the edge of the bed.

Gintoki gets on his knees next to the bed, rips open the front of the fishnet stockings, and works on finishing Hijikata off with his mouth. While he does that, he ponders the stray thought that possessed him to pull out: _He will probably sleep more comfortably without your jizz inside him._ Both the thought and the action it caused seem out of character for him. He was explicitly given permission to cum inside. No self-respecting sadist would ever pass up on the opportunity to be the first to plant his seed inside his partner. Then again, from the start of their more-than-friends relationship, he has never had the desire to be sadistic toward Hijikata. He wants to spoil him. He knows his boyfriend has to go to work in just a few hours, and he assumes he will be busier than usual, post-quake, so he wants him to sleep well tonight.

Ah… Is this what falling in love has done to him? He doesn't really mind, but it is going to take some time to get used to his own behavior change.

He swallows, looks up at his orgasming boyfriend, and grins. “I was hoping for cake, but you were almost as good.”

Hijikata kicks him in the ribs half-heartedly for the backhanded compliment. He then notices that the clock on the nightstand reads 12:04 am. “Aw, shit. I forgot to say it while it was still your birthday, but happy birthday.” He’s not used to calling his boyfriend by his name yet, so there’s a delay before he tacks on, “Gintoki.”

Gintoki avoids responding directly to the birthday wishes. “October 11 is Sugita Tomokazu’s birthday, and that’s basically the same thing as Gin-san’s birthday.”

Hijikata doesn’t know who Sugita Tomokazu is, but he doesn’t say so, as he’s sure it would start a stupid conversation he doesn’t want to have. He removes the destroyed stockings from his legs. Both men take a few minutes cleaning up in the bathroom, then they put on pajamas. He turns out the lights, and they get under the covers together.

Gintoki puts his arms around Hijikata and speaks his genuine appreciation. “Thank you for all the gifts. This is the nicest hotel I’ve ever been in, and the living fuck-toy gift was perfect.”

The sincere expression of gratitude is refreshing and unexpected. Maybe Gintoki experienced some character growth while Hijikata wasn’t paying attention. “You’re welcome. Thank you for helping the Suzukis. I don’t know that I would have been able to save them if you hadn’t been there.”

Gintoki isn’t going to tell him he wouldn’t have. He instead gives a conceited grin that can be perceived even in the dark and says, “I’m the protagonist of a shounen manga. Of course I’m going to save everyone!”

Hijikata clucks his tongue.

Gintoki gets serious and adds softly, “I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you, either.” He kisses Hijikata and says, “Goodnight, Toushirou.”

Hijikata snuggles closer and says, “Goodnight, Gintoki.”

**\---   ---   ---**

An hour later, Hijikata is fast asleep in Gintoki’s arms, but Gintoki is still awake, deep in thought, trying to figure out how he can communicate the extent of his feelings for his boyfriend, without giving the man a heart attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I’ve made it so I’m unable to watch _Gintama_ without picturing Hijikata wearing waist-high black fishnet stockings under his uniform, and I’m strangely ok with that.


	16. Fractal Androgynous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life seems to go back to normal after (Gintoki’s third time through) the earthquake.

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130208): Day 83 (Saturday) 04:30**

Hijikata gently shakes Gintoki from his slumber in their fancy hotel bed. “Hey, I have to go to work. Be sure to check out before noon.”

Gintoki groans sleepily and tries to pull his boyfriend back into bed.

“Cut it out!” Hijikata protests, with exaggerated irritation.

Gintoki pulls him into a hug and mumbles into his ear, “Have a good day, Toushirou.”

Hijikata blushes, still not at all used to his boyfriend calling him by his given name. He stops fighting the hug. Returning the embrace, he says, “You too…Gintoki.”

Gintoki falls back asleep with an idiotic grin on his face, thinking, _I love that man._

**\---   ---   ---**

Gintoki sleeps until his phone rings, around 9:30. He reaches over, grabs it off the nightstand, and answers with a groggy, “Hello.”

“Gin-san, where are you?” Shinpachi asks. “Kagura-chan called me this morning. She suggested that the three of us do free odd jobs for people who need help after the earthquake.”

Oh, right. He had forgotten about Shinpachi coming over the morning after the quake. He rolls over onto his back and yawns. “I’ll meet you at Kagura’s school in a half-hour.”

He gets off the phone, drags himself out of bed, helps himself to some of the room’s complimentary coffee, and gets dressed and ready for the day. He checks out at the front desk, then he gives in to the temptation to buy chocolate from the hotel’s market. Not that it stops him from getting his morning sugar dose, but previous-world-line Hijikata was right; everything is at least a hundred yen overpriced. Thinking about Hijikata makes him smile.

He walks to Kagura’s school and finds Shinpachi standing at the front gate. Gintoki goes to the administrative office and signs Kagura out for the day. Before they leave, he makes her take his overnight bag up to her room, so he doesn’t have to carry it around while they work.

In a near-identical repeat of what they did the second time through, the trio walks around town, helping people in need, boarding up broken windows, putting sliding doors back on their tracks, and doing whatever else people need post-quake.

Around noon, they end up on the same block of the same street as Hijikata. Gintoki smiles and waves. Hijikata blushes and discreetly waves back. Gintoki swoons. He’s so in love. He promised previous-world-line Hijikata he would tell him he’s in love with him; the problem is, he has no idea how to go about making such a confession.

He tables the topic for now, so he can enjoy his time with the kids. The second time through, he hardly paid any attention to them as they did their pro bono odd jobs, because he was so preoccupied with having been dumped the night before. This time, he notices how much he has missed having the three of them together.

When he drops Kagura off at school in the evening, he goes up to her room with her to retrieve his overnight bag. This is his first time being in this room (that he remembers; Past Gin-san was here, of course), and it feels huge and lonely to him. She has dozens of photographs pinned to the wall, mostly of Soyo and Sadaharu, but also of Otae and the Yorozuya trio. She didn’t keep photos up when she lived with him; maybe because she had the people (and dog) she loves available to see in-person regularly. The photos must be her way of keeping everyone close. He knows if his boyfriend was here, he would say, _‘You dumbass. If you noticed she’s lonely and missing her friends, make arrangements to get everyone together.’_ He would be right, of course.

Prodded by the Hijikata that lives in his head, he asks Kagura, “Hey, next weekend… Do you have plans?”

“Just homework. Why?”

“I thought we could get everyone together; like, Hime-sama, Sadaharu…”

Her eyes gleam. “Are you throwing yourself a late birthday party?”

His eyebrows furrow. “No, moron. Not a birthday party. Just a get-together.”

She gives him a crushing hug around the rib cage. “Sounds great, Gin-chan! I can’t wait!”

He hugs her back and says, “Let me know when Hime-sama can escape the palace for a while.”

 

**\---   ---   ---**

After a day of charity work, Gintoki relaxes on his couch, reflecting on the past week-and-a-half (last night times two, plus today through next Sunday times one, plus last night again). The first and second times through last night were bullshit, and it was bullshit that it took him three tries to get it right! If his boyfriend ever dies again, he’ll time travel, save him, and kick his ass. If he dumps him again, he’ll just kick his ass.

In all seriousness, going back a third time was totally worth it. He has a boyfriend who is both alive and happy. He learned a lot about keeping his boyfriend happy going forward. The man is even more noble than Gintoki realized. He values human life; not that Gintoki doesn’t, but Hijikata sees zero value in loss of human life, even if it saves his life. If Gintoki ever has to save Hijikata’s life again, he will go to great pains to ensure no one else dies in the process (unless they _really_ deserve it).

Getting last night right had the unexpected bonus of some top-notch gifts from his boyfriend. The hotel room was nice, obviously, but Hijikata in fishnet stockings was the hottest fucking thing he’s ever seen. Actually, he should say _Toushirou_ in fishnet stockings was the hottest fucking thing… Wait… Dammit! He thanked Hijikata for the hotel room and for giving his body as a gift, but he failed to thank him for giving permission to call him by his given name, which was the biggest gift of all! He will have to rectify that oversight next time he sees him.

Gintoki learned about himself as well during his three times living through the same night. To his astonishment, he learned he’s in love. He thought he would find the feeling terrifying, but he doesn’t. Looking back on the time since they first met, it seems obvious they are good for each other. Most of the clashes they had over the years were the product of mutual stubborn refusal to agree on anything. Even now that they’re dating, they still bicker as a proxy for flirting.

While he doesn’t find being in love terrifying, he is overwhelmed by the task of communicating his feelings. Losing the love of his life made him certain it’s important for him to confess, because you never know when it might be too late to say the words. However, he has no idea how or when to confess. How do you bring it up in conversation? Like, _‘The weather is awful today. Also, I’m in love with you’_? He can’t think of any way to say it that wouldn’t be completely awkward. Plus, he’s seen multiple times that touchy-feely emotional stuff really freaks Hijikata out. If he’s to say how he feels, the timing and wording will need to be just right. He’s going to have to let the idea roll around in the back of his head for a while before he does anything.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130208): Day 85 (Monday) 11:00**

Gintoki and Shinpachi are at their hover-platter sushi restaurant job, and all Gintoki can think about is his boyfriend. He misses him. He decided not to bother him over the weekend, since he knew he would be very busy after the earthquake. He recalls that everything was basically back to normal by Monday, so he texts him during a break. _“Can you come by tonight?”_

Things are not back to normal from the Shinsengumi’s perspective. As is often the case after a natural disaster, joui rebels have taken advantage of the disarray the city is in and stepped up their activities. Hijikata has been working his ass off ever since he came to work Saturday morning, and he sees no sign of his workload decreasing any time soon. _“Sorry. Probably won’t be able to get together until this weekend.”_

Gintoki pouts. He has to go for an entire week without seeing his boyfriend? Screw that.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130208): Day 86 (Tuesday) 01:06**

Around one in the morning, Gintoki executes his plan to spend time with Hijikata by covertly breaking into his room and crawling into his bed while he sleeps.

However, when Gintoki sneaks onto Shinsengumi grounds, he sees a light on in Hijikata’s room. He should have known. The fucking workaholic is probably still doing paperwork. He knocks lightly on the exterior sliding door. The door is slid open, revealing one blue eye, bloodshot from lack of sleep.

Hijikata opens the door all the way and tells Gintoki, “Give me a few minutes to get to a stopping point with my work.” He goes back to what he was doing before Gintoki showed up, sitting cross-legged on the floor, at his desk, smoking and reviewing paperwork.

Gintoki is concerned to see a plethora of evidence that Hijikata has hardly left this room or gotten any rest. He’s still in-uniform. His ashtray is overflowing. On the floor next to his desk is a pile of paperwork that’s threatening to topple over. Gintoki sits there for what he deems ‘a few minutes’ before forcing the Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi to end his workday now, whether he wants to or not.

He walks across the room and sits directly behind his boyfriend, crotch-to-ass, practically forcing Hijikata to sit on his lap.

Hijikata tries to wriggle away, but Gintoki wraps his arms around his stomach and holds tight.

“O-oi! What are you doing?! I’m busy!”

“Yeah, I see that. Keep working. I won’t interfere.”

Hijikata relents with a _humph_ , until the hands around his midsection go to work on unfastening his belt. “What the…?”

Gintoki shushes him. “Don’t mind me. You won’t even know I’m here.”

Hijikata is having difficulty believing that, but if he can get another ten or fifteen minutes of work done, he can pay attention to his boyfriend. He keeps working. The words on the papers in front of him make progressively less sense as his pants are unbuttoned and unzipped. He ignores what his boyfriend is doing. He writes a note in the case file he’s working on. The last character he writes ends with a several-centimeters-long line across the page, coinciding with a warm hand dipping down the front of his boxers.

A breath of light laughter from behind his ear is followed by good-natured teasing. “What’s that supposed to say, Toushirou?”

The hand in his boxers works its way farther in, caressing his balls. “ _Ahh_ , Gin…,” he moans out quietly, before he catches himself capitulating. Sounding as irritated as he can, in between pleased noises caused by Gintoki’s hand doing wickedly delightful things to him, he says, “Just give me fifteen … _ungh_ … ten … _mmm_ … five more minutes… _ahhh_ ….”

Gintoki pulls his hand out of Hijikata’s pants. “Do you know what time it is?”

He sounds pissed, Hijikata is just now noticing. “Um… Last time I looked, it was eleven, so it’s probably, like, 11:30 or 11:45…?”

Gintoki holds his phone in front of Hijikata’s face, to show him the time.

It’s after one?! That can’t be right… That means he's been in his office for… he does the math in his head and figures out that, other than the couple times he got up to take a piss, he’s been in here for seventeen hours. Yamazaki brought him meals, so it’s not like he _totally_ neglected himself; but he was also out on the streets for about seventeen hours yesterday…and the day before… He is exhausted. He gives in, taking one last drag off his cigarette before putting it out, and relaxes back into Gintoki’s arms. “Fine. I’ll go to bed.”

Gintoki puts his right hand down the front of Hijikata’s boxers again, and Hijikata protests unconvincingly, “ _Ahh_ …You don’t need to do that. I’m too tired to fool around.”

“Think of it as you rubbing one out before bed,” Gintoki reasons, “You’ll fall asleep faster if you get off, right?”

The man makes a compelling argument, except it feels unfair to be the only one getting any. “I’ll owe you one?” he offers.

Gintoki takes his hand out of Hijikata’s pants again and bites his ear, only hard enough to convey that he’s serious.

“Oww!”

“That’s not how this relationship works, Toushirou. This isn’t a business deal. Making you cum isn’t an odd job.”

Over a month into dating, Hijikata still isn’t used to this guy behaving altruistically.

“But since you offered, you can pay me back by coming to a get-together with Kagura, Hime-sama, and Shinpachi this weekend.”

“Are you throwing yourself a birthday party?”

“No, for fuck’s sake! It’s just a get-together. I haven’t spent much time with Kagura since she started school, and I want to make it up to her.”

How sweet! Gintoki is a good dad. Hijikata doesn’t want to intrude on their family time. “I don’t want to get in the way of your time with your kids. We can get together some other time.”

“Huh? I’m not inviting you because you’re my boyfriend. I’m inviting you because Kagura will want you there.”

“She will?”

“Yes! Had you not noticed that she likes you? Hadn’t you noticed she always falls in line on your side when you need her?”

“Yeah, but I thought she was just following you.”

“No way! She doesn’t do anything I tell her to. If she’s on your side, it’s because that’s where she wants to be. I have nothing to do with it.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course, I’ll come if I can.”

“Good. Now, let’s do this thing.” Gintoki puts his hand in Hijikata’s pants again and strokes, starting out slow and gentle but speeding up and gripping harder in direct proportion to the hardness of what’s in his hand. He’s pleased by the squirming and light moans of the man in his lap.

After a couple minutes, it seems Gintoki isn’t going fast enough, because Hijikata puts his hands over Gintoki’s and dictates his speed. Hijikata’s entire body goes stiff. He cums, stifling a moan by biting his lower lip.

Gintoki wipes the mess he caught in his left hand with a tissue, gets Hijikata’s futon ready, undresses down to boxers, and gets under the covers.

Hijikata is confused. “You’re going to sleep here?”

Gintoki responds with a frown.

“But…I’m not allowed to have a lover stay the night.”

Gintoki rolls his eyes. “Whose rule is that? Yours, maybe? Isn’t it also against the rules to get a hand job in your office?”

It’s Hijikata’s turn to frown. “You need to be gone by sunrise.”

“I will, I will. Is five early enough for you?” Hijikata nods, so Gintoki picks up his phone and sets an alarm for 5:00 am.

Hijikata pulls two pairs of pajamas from a drawer, throwing one toward the futon and putting the other on.

“Ugh, what the hell is this? I don’t want to wear mayo pajamas!”

“Tough shit! You made me wear strawberry-patterned boxers one time!”

“Yes, but strawberries are delicious!”

As Hijikata turns off the light and crawls into bed, he says, “Shut up and wear them. You’ll get cold tonight in just boxers.”

The way Hijikata takes care of Gintoki is cute and heartwarming. He smiles and resists the urge to declare his love right here and now. He puts the pajamas on and snuggles next to his boyfriend. He takes advantage of the quiet moment to belatedly express his gratitude. “I forgot to say it the other night, but thank you for letting me call you Toushirou.”

“Y—You’re welcome,” Hijikata mumbles, embarrassed, “Goodnight, Gintoki.”

“Goodnight, Toushirou.”

 

**\---   ---   ---**

The 5:00 am alarm on Gintoki’s phone just barely starts going off. Without waking up, he swipes his finger across the ‘Dismiss’ button.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

Gintoki is awoken by the sound of activity in the Shinsengumi compound. He checks his phone. It’s 7:26 am. He was supposed to be gone two-and-a-half hours ago. Fuck. His boyfriend is going to murder him. Slowly and carefully avoiding waking his sleeping partner, he detangles Hijikata’s limbs from his and gets up. He wants to get the fuck out of here as soon as possible, so he doesn’t even change back into his own clothes; he just slips on his boots, picks up his clothes and bokuto, and sneaks out of the room wearing mayo pajamas.

Hijikata is awoken by the sound of activity in the Shinsengumi compound. He checks his phone. It’s 7:27 am. Fuck! He must have been so exhausted last night, he didn’t hear Gintoki’s five o’clock alarm. If he doesn’t hurry, he’s going to be late for the 7:30 morning briefing. He gets up, puts on his uniform, and heads to the courtyard.

A man in mayo pajamas sneaks through the hallways, looking for his opportunity to get out of the compound, duck into an alley, change clothes, and walk home. Shit! He’s almost seen by a couple guys! Hugging the wall, he quickly slinks out of the building and wipes his brow. Thank goodness he wasn’t caught.

In what feels like slow motion, Gintoki becomes aware of multiple pairs of eyes gazing at the back of his head. He turns around slowly and sees what appears to be nearly the entire Shinsengumi gathered in the courtyard.

At 7:30 on the dot, Hijikata walks out to the courtyard to begin the briefing. “Good morning, gentlemen—” His eyes pop out of their sockets when he sees his boyfriend standing in front of the crowd, with disheveled hair, wearing _his_ pajamas.

Gintoki drops the contents of his arms to the ground, ready to flee for his life from his surely-homicidal boyfriend and thanking any gods who are willing to listen for Hijikata being several steps away from him instead of within boyfriend-choking distance.

Sougo gives a wicked grin and calls out loudly, “Good morning, Hijikata-san. Are you going to introduce us to your new husband?”

“No!! I mean… He’s not…” Hijikata’s face turns bright red with shame as he fumbles for something intelligent to say.

Playing dumb, Sougo says, “He’s not your husband? Oh, I see. He’s your new _wife_.” He then sarcastically adds, “We know you’re normally reserved when it comes to your private life, Hijikata-san; we’re honored that you’ve opened up to us about your relationship with your special someone.”

Buying into Sougo’s bullshit, Kondou gets emotional. With a tear trickling down his face, he takes Hijikata into a tight bear hug. Choked up, he sobs out, “I’m so happy for you, Toshi.”

Hijikata is too flustered to say anything.

Kondou lets go of his subordinate, walks over to Gintoki, and smothers him with a hug. He claps a hand repeatedly on Gintoki’s back and says, with an insane amount of seriousness, “You have my blessing, Yorozuya. Take good care of Toshi.”

Gintoki responds awkwardly but not insincerely, “Uh… Yeah, totally. Definitely. I will.”

Kondou releases Gintoki and addresses the men. “I’ll run the briefing this morning. Let’s give these two some time alone.”

Taking Kondou’s words as their cue to leave, Gintoki picks up his clothes and bokuto, and he and Hijikata walk back to Hijikata’s office. Gintoki’s mind races to find anything he could do or say to calm his boyfriend down. He knows he’s going to be upset at having been outed.

Hijikata slides the door to his office shut, runs a hand down his mortified face, and opens up his wrath on his boyfriend. “What the hell happened to you being gone by sunrise?!”

Gintoki puts his hands up defensively, dropping his clothes and bokuto again, and states apologetically, “I set the alarm. I don’t know what happened.”

This is a fucking nightmare. Hijikata needs Gintoki out of his sight, or he’s going to punch him. Just barely keeping his voice calm, he says, “Get out of my office. I have a lot of work to do today.”

Quickly changing clothes, Gintoki worries how much damage this incident has done to their relationship. He leaves without a word. What could he say?

He walks home and considers time traveling. He wanted to never use the Phone Microwave (Temporary Name) again, but he really fucked up. He revealed the Vice-Chief’s homosexual relationship to the entire Shinsengumi. That was Hijikata’s to reveal, if and when he chose to. He didn’t mean to take the choice away from him.

He decides against time traveling right away when he recalls the night he nearly sent a D-mail that would have kept them from officially dating. If Hijikata hadn’t interrupted him, he would have sent the D-mail, and they would have stayed friends with benefits. He will give Hijikata space for forty-eight hours, and then he will try to talk to him. If it doesn’t work, he will Time Leap or send a D-mail and not sleep in Hijikata’s office.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

Near midnight, Gintoki goes to bed. He’s intensely preoccupied. He doesn’t think he can wait another thirty-plus hours before he talks to Hijikata again. For one thing, it has dawned on him he didn’t apologize for outing Hijikata, and he needs to. He will text him in the morning and see if he’s willing to meet up and talk.

He closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep, but he hears someone enter his apartment. There’s no mistaking whose footsteps are approaching his bedroom; Hijikata has come to him. Gintoki stands up to meet him. His bedroom door slides open. The moonlight coming through Gintoki’s bedroom window illuminates Hijikata’s frowning face and crossed arms. It’s obvious he’s exhausted and irritated.

Hijikata takes a breath to speak, but Gintoki beats him to it, begging sincerely, “I’m sorry I outed you. I’m not good at getting up early. I didn’t mean to do anything bad, but it was my fault. Please forgive me.”

Hijikata sighs. “Do you want to hear how my day went?”

Gintoki nods, worried the repercussions were even worse than he imagined.

“After you left, I went back to the morning briefing, where I bowed down on hands and knees, with my forehead touching the ground, and apologized. I promised we didn’t have sex on Shinsengumi grounds; that we never have and never will. I begged everyone to accept my apology and my promise I did not violate my own rules. I then had to go out onto the streets with men whom I could feel looking at me strangely. One even approached me to deliver his resignation. He said he couldn’t be associated with a group whose second-in-command is homosexual. I can’t imagine he’s the only one who feels that way, so I met with Kondou-san and told him I’m resigning.”

“What?! No! You can’t—”

“Shut up, dick, and let me finish! Kondou-san refused to let me resign. He told me to send anyone else who has a problem with who I date to him.”

Gintoki breathes out a sigh of relief.

“In the evening, I overheard a conversation among several of the men. While a couple of them thought it was ‘disgusting’ that I’m sleeping with a man, they said it didn’t make them want to quit the Shinsengumi. They then laughed at me for not realizing most of the guys already knew I’m dating you.”

Gintoki holds his breath, waiting for the final verdict.

Doing his usual stressed-out fingers-through-the-hair thing, Hijikata delivers his conclusion in the same breath as an exhausted sigh. “So, anyway, you’re a total dick, and I had a really long, rough day. It’s cold. Let me borrow some pajamas.”

Gintoki’s exhale comes out with a near-sob. Did he hear right? Are they still together? Is everything ok?

Tacking a punishment onto his tacit message of forgiveness, Hijikata decrees, “Oh, and for the next week, you will address me as ‘Hijikata-san,’ and you are only allowed to release your sexual urges with your own hands.”

Concerned he missed something bad, Gintoki asks timidly, “You forgive me?”

“Yeah, dipshit. That’s why I’m here,” Hijikata says, with a frown and an irritated voice. As soon as the harsh words are out, he feels bad about saying them. Gintoki didn’t out him on purpose, and it’s obvious he’s remorseful. Plus, in the long run, having their relationship be public knowledge isn’t such a bad thing. Looking down at his fidgeting hands, he elaborates by mumbling quietly, “I mean… I didn’t want to have to pretend we’re just acquaintances forever, so…”

Gintoki hugs Hijikata. This man… This _perfect_ man… He’s lucky to have someone who’s willing to overlook his fuck-ups. This particular fuck-up was no minor misstep, either; he could have cost Hijikata his job, which is basically his life. He pulls away from the hug to make eye contact. He doesn’t know how to communicate how grateful he is to have been forgiven. He simply says, “Thank you.”

Is there something wrong with Hijikata’s hearing? He could swear he has heard Gintoki sincerely and unsarcastically used the phrases ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘thank you’ in the past five minutes. That’s weird, because this is a man who historically isn’t good about saying those kinds of things. He’s not complaining; it’s nice to hear; he’s just not used to it. To diffuse the heaviness in the room, he gently bumps foreheads with Gintoki and says softly, “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

Gintoki is so happy to keep their relationship together without having to time travel, he could cry. He hides his near-tears face by taking longer than normal to get a pair of pajamas out of his dresser. He hands the pair to Hijikata, who changes into them. The two men get under the covers together but with space between them. “Goodnight, Tou—” Still feeling like a total prick for everything he put his boyfriend through today, Gintoki cooperates with Hijikata’s rather merciful punishment and corrects himself, “…Hijikata-san.”

Hijikata was half-joking when he told Gintoki to use formal language with him. Now that he’s hearing it, he doesn’t like the way it sounds. He takes back part of his punishment, mumbling, “Call me Toushirou.”

The room lights up with Gintoki’s smile. “Goodnight, Toushirou.”

Today was pretty rough for Hijikata, but it could have turned out worse; he still has his job, his head, and a boyfriend who treats him better and better with every passing day. He knows he’s lucky to have all the above. He moves close enough to where his and Gintoki’s arms are touching. “Goodnight, Gintoki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **[Me]** I can’t help but want to give these two a lot of fluffy happiness.  <3  
>  **[You]** What happened to your ‘tragedy,’ ‘angst,’ and ‘major character death’ tags?  
>  **[Me]** Uh… They’re coming!  
>  **[You]** Mmm-hmm. And when can we expect to see that happen?  
>  **[Me]** Soon!  
>  **[You]** I don’t trust that you comprehend the meaning of the word ‘soon.’  
>  **[Me]** … I have nothing to say in my defense.


	17. Endless Apoptosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki finds out his kids are growing up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to point out the existing “other implied/past ships” tag. These may be M/M, F/F, or M/F and will be very, very, very light and porn-free.

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130208): Day 90 (Saturday) 11:00**

Gintoki goes to Kagura’s school to sign her out through tomorrow, as she’ll be spending the night at the shogun’s palace. First, though, they’ll be heading to Gintoki’s place for a lunch get-together with Shinpachi, Soyo, Sadaharu, and Hijikata.

He cringes when he sees Kagura looking like girl!Ranma minus the pigtails, wearing an outfit that accentuates curves he wishes he never found out she has.

As soon as they’re off school grounds, she pounces on him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and dangling from him in a hug. With a huge smile, she says, “Hi, Gin-chan!!”

She can be so sweet when she’s not being a gluttonous, nose-picking brute. He smiles and hugs her back. “Hi, Kagura.”

She then drops down and grins mischievously, taunting, “I’m gonna eat all the birthday cake.”

“There won’t be any cake, dumbass,” Gintoki says, picking his nose, “My birthday was over a week ago.”

“Yes, there will be. Your boyfriend is bringing it, and I’m gonna eat it all!” she says, before taking off in a sprint.

Seriously? His boyfriend is such a conniving asshole sometimes, conspiring with Kagura behind his back. He runs after her until her long hair is within grasp. He grabs a chunk of red locks and throws her to the ground. He sticks his tongue out at her and runs ahead.

He doesn’t make it far before Kagura catches up. She leaps up from behind him, sits on his shoulders, shoves a pinky finger up each of his nostrils, and pulls out.

“Owwww!!! Get off me, you monster!” Unable to shake her off, he jumps up and does a half-sideways-twist. She doesn’t let go, and she gets body-slammed into the ground, but Gintoki is the only one hurt by the maneuver. Out of energy to continue their violent play, Gintoki resorts to tickling.

He tickles her ribs mercilessly, making her giggle, gasp, and protest breathlessly, “ _Haha_ , stop, Gin- _haha_ -chan!”

When he feels he has repaid her enough, he stops.

She catches her breath and says, “Happy birthday, Gin-chan. I know it’s not your favorite day, but your friends are glad you were around for another year.”

Oh. She noticed he doesn’t like his birthday. Of course she did. She lived with him, and he never put much effort into concealing his sulking on that day. Her words trigger something of an epiphany. His friends don’t mention his birthday with the intention of rubbing his fucked-up childhood in his face; they just see the day as marking another year together. Why did it take Kagura of all people to finally explain this to him in words he understands? “Thanks,” he says sincerely.

They stand up and brush dry grass and fallen leaves off their clothes and out of their hair, then they start walking again. Gintoki brings up a topic that’s been on his mind for the past few days, ever since he realized it’s mere months before Kagura finishes junior high. “Hey, uh…What are your plans for high school?”

“Hachimitsu students are given priority at Hijirigasaka Academy. As long as I keep my grades up, my homeroom teacher says I will be accepted.”

Another school with a name that’s reminiscent of something ecchi? With unwarranted hope in his voice, he asks, “Is it an all-girls high school?”

“No, it’s co-ed.”

The thought of her being surrounded by horny teenage boys on a daily basis nearly gives him a heart attack. But it’s only October; maybe there’s still time to talk her out of going there. He tries to sound calm as he asks, “So… Are you going to apply there?”

She gives him a look of confusion and says, “I already did. The application was in the batch of paperwork you signed when I enrolled at Hachimitsu, remember?”

His breath catches in his throat. He would bet a two-thousand yen note that dumbass Past Gin-san didn’t even glance at the papers as he signed them. He hopes the answer to his next question is ‘no.’ “Are you going to live on-campus for high school?”

“Yep!” she answers, with a huge, happy smile. “They have really nice dorms. A lot of the girls at my school will go there, so I will probably have a friend for a roommate!”

His face turns pale just thinking about her living in a dorm at a co-ed high school.

She notices. Her own face and tone turn sad in response. “Gin-chan… I don’t have to go there. I could move back in with you and go to a public school instead.”

“No! You don’t need to do that.” If put under extreme duress, he might admit he sometimes feels lonely living alone, but it is not the job of a teenage girl who has no relation to him to fill that gap. Plus, any public school she might go to would likely be co-ed, so that wouldn’t do anything to alleviate his boy-related concerns. He still feels guilty about unintentionally keeping her from going to school on a previous world line and doesn’t want to interfere with her education opportunities again. He gives a soft smile and assures, “I want you to go to the best school you can. I will make sure we spend time together at least every other week during the school year.”

She gives a relieved smile. “Good. I miss my Yorozuya family.”

“And you have to be my unpaid child labor during breaks,” Gintoki tacks on.

Kagura sticks her finger up her nose and makes an ugly face.

Gintoki mirrors her actions.

She pulls the finger from her nose and wipes it on his sleeve before running away, giggling.

He runs after her but doesn’t ever catch up. He watches her run up the stairs and go into his place. He walks in a minute later and is met with a barking dog and several people yelling in unison, “Happy birthday!”

Despite his earlier epiphany, his gut reaction is still to walk out or at least frown, but he grins and says, “Thanks, everyone.”

“Cut the cake, Gin-chan! I’m hungry!” Kagura whines.

“How about if we eat lunch first, you voracious beast?” Gintoki asks, “Do you want hot pot, or don’t you?”

“Ooh, hot pot! Hot pot!” she exclaims.

Clockwise around the low table in Gintoki’s apartment sit Gintoki, Kagura, Soyo, Sougo, Shinpachi, and Hijikata, with Sadaharu sitting behind Kagura. Kagura and Sougo scuffle across the table over how the meat should be divided while Soyo and Shinpachi try to keep their respective seat-mates from inflicting too much violence on each other.

As soon as everyone is mostly done eating, Kagura whines, “Mayora, Mayora! Cake, cake!!”

“China, China. Yeah, yeah,” Hijikata mimics. He wipes his mouth off one last time and goes to the kitchen.

Kagura pushes dishes aside, to clear space for the cake. Hijikata comes out of the kitchen a minute later and sets the cake on the table.

It’s a _One Piece_ cake, with the Straw Hat Pirates’ Jolly Roger on it, and Gintoki loves it, for both its sugar content and its borderline copyright infringement on another _JUMP_ property. He tells his boyfriend, “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

Hijikata brushes off the gratitude with a blush and the remark, “Yeah, well, I prefer _Magazine_ , but since you’re into _JUMP_ …”

Gintoki cuts the cake into six unevenly-sized pieces, knowing the red-haired food vacuum will want a huge piece, but his sweets-averse boyfriend will want a smaller slice. Kagura nearly knocks him over to get at her slice and gets chided by Soyo for it. After the clamor of everyone fighting to get a slice is over, Gintoki is stuck with a slice that is smaller than he hoped.

Hijikata hands his slice to him, which prompts Gintoki kissing him on the cheek and saying, “Thank you, Toushirou!”

“Eww, gross,” Kagura complains, with a disgusted scowl.

“Seriously, danna,” Sougo agrees, “Everyone’s happy for you and your new husband, but please keep your displays of affection private.”

Several reactions occur, almost simultaneously:

Kagura gasps indignantly. “How dare you elope! I wanted to give away the bride.”

“I don’t think he was being serious, Kagura-chan,” Soyo advises.

“I am _not_ your child, you delusional girl!” Gintoki responds to Kagura.

Shinpachi says quietly, “Okita-san, it’s not nice to tease them like that.”

Hijikata moves to stand up and unsheathe his sword, ready to attack Sougo.

Gintoki puts his hand on top of his boyfriend’s shoulder and pushes, forcing him to sit down again. “Kagura, you know better than to believe anything Souji-kun tells you.”

Kagura crosses her arms in annoyance and glares at Sougo. “I’m going to kick his butt later.”

Sougo casually flips Kagura the bird under the guise of scratching his nose.

Stroking Kagura’s hair lovingly, Soyo says calmly, “No, just stay here, with me. You’ll get kicked out of school if you get in a fight.”

Kagura closes her eyes and leans into the touch.

Shinpachi reaches over and gently pulls Sougo’s middle-finger-flipping hand down. For some reason, their fingers lace together, and the joined hands find a home on top of Sougo’s knee.

Gintoki wonders what the fuck is causing him to pick up on a shit-ton of sexual tension in the room.

The weird feeling somewhat dissipates when Soyo suggests they play UNO. The six of them spend the next couple hours playing game after cutthroat game. Soyo wins the most games, having honed her strategy by frequently playing against her brother.

Gintoki continues to notice little interactions in the room, like Soyo and Kagura holding hands and Shinpachi and Sougo sitting close enough that their thighs are resting against each other. Soyo and Kagura are less worrying; he has seen them hold hands before, and it has always seemed innocent. Shinpachi and Sougo being so close makes absolutely no sense to him. It takes all he has to fight against his ‘dad’ instincts, which are telling him to switch the order they’re sitting in, to put himself and his boyfriend in the way of all the skinship.

Hijikata pulls his phone out to check the time. “We better get you back to the palace, Hime-sama.”

Soyo and Kagura stand up and wish Gintoki a happy birthday one last time.

Before they leave, Gintoki confirms with Hijikata, “You’ll be back later?”

Hijikata nods, then he escorts the girls and the giant dog out.

Gintoki’s confusion mounts. He assumed both Hijikata and Sougo were here to escort Soyo, but Sougo hasn’t moved. He is still sitting right next to Shinpachi. He hesitantly starts to ask what’s going on between them. “Um…Are you…?”

Before he gets a question out, Sougo tells Shinpachi, “We should get going too.”

“Oh, you’re right,” Shinpachi says, “We don’t want to get stuck sitting in the first row.”

While Shinpachi and Sougo stand up and get ready to leave, Gintoki works up the nerve to ask, “Y—you guys are…going somewhere…together?”

With a deadpan expression, Sougo simply says, “Yep.”

Gintoki feels his brain cracking under the load of trying to understand what’s happening. “Wh—wh—?” He fails to choke out a complete question.

Shinpachi blushes and looks down at his hands, which he’s wringing nervously. “We’re going to see _Kaiju vs Samurai._ ” Excitement overtakes his countenance as he says proudly, “Otsu-chan has a bit part as a pop idol.”

Well, Otsu’s being in the movie explains why Shinpachi wants to see it, and Gintoki is going to assume Sougo wants to see it because the protagonist is a samurai and not because he’s in some kind of unfathomable relationship with Shinpachi. He forces a smile and says, “Oh, that’s great! Have fun.”

“Thanks, Gin-san.”

The two young men wish Gintoki a happy birthday on their way out.

Once they’re out the door, Gintoki yanks a couple large tufts of hair out of his head.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

About an hour later, Hijikata comes back to Gintoki’s place. The moment he steps in the door, two hands grab him by the jacket collar, and a wild-eyed, silver-haired man begs desperately, “Please tell me both of the kids are virgins.”

Hijikata doesn’t want to lie, but he is unprepared to tell the truth. He sets the plastic bag in his hand on the floor, buying himself a few seconds to think of something to say.

Gintoki fires off a series of pleading interrogatives. “Are Shinpachi and Okita-kun dating each other? They’re not, right? Because that would be crazy. And Kagura and Hime-sama are too young and innocent to be dating anyone, much less each other, right? Right??!”

The grip on Hijikata’s jacket loosens up, and Gintoki buries his face in his shoulder.

Hijikata gently puts his arms around his surprisingly emotional boyfriend.

Gintoki lets go of Hijikata’s collar entirely and completes the hug. He knows he probably won’t like the answer to this question, but he doesn’t want to be kept in the dark. He looks Hijikata in the face and implores, “Please tell me what’s going on. Are Shinpachi and Sougo dating?”

As much as Hijikata wants to answer Gintoki’s question honestly, he promised Shinpachi he wouldn’t say anything. In an apologetic tone, he gives a non-answer. “You should talk to them about it.”

Gintoki takes the fact that the answer wasn’t, _‘No, of course they aren’t dating; that would be crazy!’_ as an affirmative response. He’s totally confused. “Aren’t they both straight?”

Hijikata again apologetically refuses to answer. “It’s not my place to say.”

Looking on the bright side, Gintoki asks hopefully, “But both kids are still virgins, right?”

Here’s the question Hijikata was hoping wouldn’t get repeated. “Ah, uh…” He swallows hard. He doesn’t feel like he’s the right person to break the news to Gintoki.

The eyes nearly pop out of Gintoki’s head, as it’s obvious the answer isn’t, _‘That’s right, Gintoki; you can rest assured your kids are still pure.’_ He grabs Hijikata’s collar again and demands, “Who deflowered Kagura? It wasn’t Hime-sama, was it?”

“No, no. I’m positive Kagura is a virgin,” Hijikata assures.

Gintoki’s head tilts sideways. It takes a minute for him to realize via process of elimination that Shinpachi must no longer be a virgin. “No way…” he mutters. It takes another minute for him to realize who most likely took his virginity. He lets go of Hijikata’s uniform again, picks up his bokuto, and starts slipping on his boots.

“Gintoki…” A worried Hijikata thinks he saw killing intent in his boyfriend’s eyes just now. “Where are you going?”

“Hmm? Who, me?” Gintoki lies with poorly-faked calmness, “Nowhere.”

“It wasn’t Sougo, if that’s who you’re planning to kill.” Hijikata gives all the detail he feels comfortable giving. “It was a girl.”

Gintoki smiles with relief. His curiosity is piqued. He asks, “Who?”

“You really should talk to Shinpachi about this,” Hijikata reiterates.

Gintoki is still worried about Shinpachi, but it seems he’s going to have to wait until he can talk to him to find out more. To confirm he doesn’t need to worry about Kagura, he asks, “Kagura and Hime-sama are just friends, right?”

Hijikata braces himself to get punched in the face for being the messenger of news Gintoki won’t like. “They say they are ‘girlfriends,’ but I don’t think they want anything physical from it.” He cringes as he rethinks his last statement. “Well…I don’t think _Kagura_ wants anything physical.”

“What…What does that mean? Hime-sama wants to do dirty things to Kagura? No way! I won’t let her! I don’t care if she is the shogun’s little sister; I will rip her hands off if she does anything.”

Hijikata rubs Gintoki’s back consolingly, attempting to calm him down. “I really don’t think you have to worry about Kagura. She’s still grossed-out by the idea of tongue-kissing.”

“How do you know that? Does she talk to you about that kind of stuff?” Gintoki pouts. “Why do the kids talk to you about this stuff and not me?”

Hijikata can’t help smiling a little. He’s sure his boyfriend doesn’t realize how paternal he’s acting. “Kagura doesn’t talk to me about dating or anything like that. She recently asked me if it grosses me out to ‘grown-up kiss’ you. I told her it doesn’t, and she barfed right there in the street at the thought of it.”

“Why doesn’t Shinpachi talk to me about dating? He could have at least told me he slept with a girl. I’m bi; it’s not like I would judge him, no matter who he’s interested in.” Gintoki doesn’t like the sensation of being jealous of his boyfriend.

“Shinpachi said he tried to tell you when he lost his virginity, but you picked your nose and told him you weren’t interested in hearing his ‘otaku sex fantasies.’”

Gintoki doesn’t remember doing that. _God dammit, Past Gin-san_ , he thinks.

“Hey, look…This is normal. It’s easier for them to talk to someone who’s removed from the situation.” He gently takes the bokuto from Gintoki’s hand and sets it down.

Having determined there’s no one he immediately wishes to beat the shit out of, Gintoki takes his boots off. He hates how emotional this kind of shit makes him feel. He hugs Hijikata and, voice muffled by his shoulder, asks, “How did they grow up so much without me noticing?”

Gintoki’s tone is heartbreaking. Taking the question as rhetorical, Hijikata compassionately strokes Gintoki’s back for a minute, then he says, “I bought strawberry milk at the conbini on my way back.”

Sniffling a bit, Gintoki breaks the hug and asks, “You did?”

“Mm-hmm.” Hijikata takes Gintoki’s hand and leads him to the living room. “Let’s watch TV.”

Gintoki sits on the couch and almost smiles when his boyfriend hands him a carton of strawberry milk. He forces a pout and says, “As long as I don’t have to watch the megane girl fuck herself with the edge of a table again, we can watch your anime.”

“That was a one-time thing, I promise.” Hijikata sits down and starts the show, suppressing a smile himself, because good lord; Gintoki is unbearably adorable sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“When a woman and a table love each other very much…”_
> 
> Shoutout to Foxxi_Is_A_Paradox for figuring out they are watching _Code Geass_. 
> 
> “Fluff” and “just assume everyone is bi” tags added. 
> 
> I assume my angst-loving readers are ready to beat me senseless. Hang in there! There’s just a little more fluff before you get another dose of darkness.


	18. Finalize Apoptosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki comes to terms with the kids’ dating relationships.

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130208): Day 92 (Monday) 08:58**

Shinpachi walks into the Yorozuya, slipping his shoes off and giving a cheerful greeting. “Good morning, Gin-san!”

He expects no greeting in return, as Gintoki is normally still asleep at this time of day, so it surprises him when he sees the owner of said Yorozuya sitting on the couch, awake, dressed, and looking not entirely happy.

“Good morning,” the severe-looking man says politely. He gestures toward the other couch. “Please, have a seat, Shinpachi-kun.”

Shinpachi feels a little intimidated by Gintoki’s formal speech and serious demeanor, but he’s ready for this conversation. He saw it coming as soon as he invited Sougo to the get-together. He sits down and squirms uncomfortably under Gintoki’s stare. It feels as if Gintoki is trying to pry answers out of him with just his gaze.

Gintoki gestures toward Shinpachi with one hand, raises an eyebrow, and asks, “So? Are you going to tell me what’s going on between you and Okita-kun?”

Gintoki sounds displeased. Maybe he doesn’t like that he only found out about their relationship two days ago, when he saw them sitting close, holding hands, and going on a movie date together. Shinpachi actually wanted to tell Gintoki a few weeks ago, but he was worried Gintoki would brush him off unceremoniously, like he did when he tried to talk to him after he lost his virginity. Instead, he turned to Hijikata. They had a long conversation, partly about him and Sougo, but mostly about homosexual relationships, bisexuality, and Shinpachi’s confusion therein. Hijikata agreed to keep quiet about it, and as expected, he kept his word. Shinpachi appreciated Hijikata’s willingness to listen and give sound advice, but he’s secretly happy to find out Gintoki cares. Breaking eye contact and blushing involuntarily, he answers, “We, uh, we’re sort of, kind of…dating.”

Gintoki’s calmness goes out the window. He exclaims, “What?!” Unable to wrap his head around the concept, he stammers, “But… But… But…” He can’t decide which question to ask first: Why are they dating? What does Shinpachi see in a mega-sadist? What does the mega-sadist see in him? For that matter, aren’t they both straight? When and how did such an out-of-left-field relationship start? Which one of them started it? How serious is it? How far have they gone? He tries and fails to settle on a single question, “…Wh-When? Why? How?”

Shinpachi attempts to answer all three questions. “I really enjoyed his company when we were guarding Hime-sama during the fireworks festival a couple months ago. I shared Otsu-chan’s latest music with him, and the next time I saw him, he said he had been listening to it on Kikuichimonji RX-78 every day. I asked him out to dinner, so we could talk more about her music. I didn’t notice until after he agreed and walked away that it sounded like I was asking him out on a date. I thought about it and realized I wouldn’t mind if that's how it was. Over dinner, I confessed that I might like him as more than a friend and would like to date him. He said he was willing to give it a try.”

Gintoki finds much of this information surprising. He's surprised but proud of Shinpachi for having the courage to confess and ask Sougo out; he’s surprised Sougo agreed to date Shinpachi; he's shocked Sougo likes Otsu's par-at-best pop music; and he's befuddled to hear how much Shinpachi likes Sougo. The young sadist is an acquired taste. Few people walk away from him saying they ‘enjoyed his company.’ He voices his confusion over the latter aloud. “What do you like about him?”

Smiling and blushing lightly, Shinpachi answers, “He’s nice to me. He’s easy to talk to and fun to be with.”

Gintoki has seen how Sougo treats women who are interested in him, and he can't picture him treating a boyfriend any differently. Shinpachi must not understand what the word ‘nice’ means. “Does he make you wear a dog collar and call him ‘master’?”

Shinpachi shakes his head no.

Gintoki doesn’t have any preference whether the answer to his next question is ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or ‘I don’t know’; he’s just struggling to understand the nature of Shinpachi’s and Sougo’s relationship. “Aren’t you straight?”

Shinpachi’s blush intensifies. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose with an index finger as an excuse for avoiding eye contact and says, “Yes…well…maybe? I thought I was, but I think I might like both guys and girls. I’m not sure yet.”

Great, now Gintoki has to worry about both genders when it comes to both kids. In a tone that says he’s asking because he cares and not because he’s being nosy, Gintoki asks, “Are you at least being safe?”

The pink blush on Shinpachi’s cheeks turns positively scarlet. “N—No! It’s not—! We aren’t—! We haven’t—!”

Gintoki relaxes a bit, relieved to hear they haven’t gone ‘all the way.’

Quietly, Shinpachi clarifies, “That’s why I said we’re ‘sort of, kind of’ dating. We go out to the movies or for a meal, and we hold hands sometimes; that’s it.”

Gintoki is still concerned Sougo is somehow just fucking with Shinpachi’s feelings, but confirmation that’s not the case will have to wait until he can talk to the sadist himself. While he’s talking relationships with Shinpachi, he figures he should apologize for the way Past Gin-san treated him when he tried to tell him about losing his virginity. “Hey, um…” Gintoki nervously plays with the sleeve of his kimono. “I think you tried to tell me something important that happened between you and a girl a while ago, and I think I might not have taken you seriously… Anyway, I’m sorry. I should have listened.”

What is going on?! _Gintoki_ is _apologizing_ …to _Shinpachi_ …? Is Hijikata this much of a good influence on him? That would be nice. Downplaying how much it hurt his feelings at the time, he accepts the apology with, “Oh, um… It’s no problem. Do you remember when I went to visit Kirara at the beginning of May? Well, this and that happened, and we, uh…,” he clears his throat, “…made love… Anyway, I found out she might be a little bit crazy and that I don’t really want to pursue a relationship with her. That was all I was going to tell you that time.”

Gintoki smirks. “Was it good?”

A shy smile graces Shinpachi’s mouth. He nods his head yes.

“Good.” Gintoki stands up, walks over to Shinpachi, and puts a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner, because it’s one of the most important things you need to know as a man.” He bends over, to look Shinpachi right in the eye, and says in a gravely serious tone, “Never stick your dick in crazy, and since you might be interested in guys, never let crazy stick his dick in you.”

Shinpachi chuckles. “Hijikata-san said the same thing, almost word-for-word.”

Gintoki once again feels jealous of his boyfriend for being the better father figure. He gives Shinpachi’s shoulder a pat before walking into his bedroom. “Well, he’s right. You should listen to him.”

“Gin-san…Where are you going?”

The bedroom door slides shut. From behind it, Gintoki answers, “Back to bed. See you in four hours.”

Shinpachi smiles and says quietly enough that Gintoki can’t hear it, “Thank you, Gin-san.”

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130208): Day 96 (Friday) 21:37**

Immediately following his dating discussion with Shinpachi, Gintoki felt a lot less worried, though he still wants to talk to Sougo. He saw him a couple times this week, but Sougo was hard at work both times; it seems his boss has been a harsh taskmaster of late. Gintoki knows better than to cross Sougo’s boss, so he didn’t interrupt his work. It’s only a matter of time before Sougo flouts the Vice Chief’s authority and goes back to his normal routine of spending half his workday napping. Gintoki is sure he will be available to talk soon enough.

He would have been more concerned with talking to Sougo, but he had other things on his mind. Throughout the week, a tiny thought in the back of his mind grew and grew. If Shinpachi of all people had the sex drive to lose his virginity and the confidence to confess to someone and start dating, why should Gintoki believe Kagura’s relationship with Soyo won’t turn physical soon? Hijikata insinuated Soyo is interested in taking her and Kagura’s relationship past the innocent hand-holding stage. If Soyo made a move, would Kagura have the wherewithal to stop her? Would she even be interested in stopping her?

He has been losing sleep over it. He wishes he could get into Soyo’s mind and see if it’s as filthy as he fears. Obviously, that’s not possible, and it’s not like he can just sneak into the shogun’s palace and watch her. No, he learned his lesson when he parked his ass up a tree to spy on a teenage girl and got arrested by his boyfriend; that won’t be happening again.

What _is_ happening is that what was supposed to be a trip to the bar to drink away his worries turned into his sneaking into the shogun’s palace to plant cameras and listening devices in the room he knows Soyo and Kagura sleep in when Kagura spends the night. The surveillance equipment will upload video and audio to the “cloud” (whatever that is), and he will review it using an app on his smartphone and see if he needs to detach Soyo’s hands from the rest of her body to keep them off Kagura. He places a camera on a bookshelf, a listening device under a lampshade, and then he nearly gets spotted by a guard. He quickly ducks behind a pedestal displaying a vase. The pedestal is wide enough to hide his body, and the vase is wide enough to hide his face and neck.

He doesn’t remember until he feels the end of a sword against his neck that his hair is a lot wider than his face; too wide for the vase to conceal.

“Down on your belly! Hands behind your back!” the guard orders.

Gintoki assumes the position, and his hands get handcuffed behind his back. The guard blows a shrill whistle, alerting his comrades to an intruder.

The sound also alerts Soyo. She enters the room, looking concerned.

“Take him to lockup,” one guard tells another, “We’ll figure out how to deal with him in the morning.”

“Wait…” Soyo speaks up, and Gintoki is sure she’s going to get them to cut him loose. She continues, “I think I recognize this man. I believe he’s affiliated with the jouishishi. Please contact Vice-Chief Hijikata of the Shinsengumi and give him a description of the intruder.”

“As you wish, Hime-sama.” One of the guards leaves the room, presumably to contact Gintoki’s boyfriend.

Soyo crouches down next to Gintoki.

“Hime-sama…” he whimpers pathetically, disappointed that this sadistic girl acted like a sadist but knowing he totally brought this on himself.

“Are you worried about Kagura-chan?” she asks quietly. He nods, and she assures earnestly, “I have loved Kagura-chan since the day I met her. I will never hurt her.”

Gintoki swallows hard. Some not-so-small part of him hoped Kagura would never grow up and pursue relationships like everyone else, but the more realistic part of him knew better. As difficult as it is for him, he puts all his energy into accepting reality. Soyo’s words were basically exactly what he needed to hear. He nods in acknowledgement. She gives a soft smile, and he thinks maybe he can get her to help him out. He asks hopefully, “Are you going to order them to let me go?”

Her smile turns subtly evil. She stands up and walks to the other end of the room.

He’s in a room with only Soyo and a single guard he could easily take, even in cuffs, but that might result in worse repercussions than being arrested by his boyfriend (again), so he just lies there.

Ten minutes later, Hijikata arrives alone, with murder in his eyes, directed at Gintoki for the two seconds he deigns to look at him. He asks, “Would you like to press charges, Hime-sama?”

Gintoki blurts out, “I won’t ever do it again! I swear!!”

Soyo shakes her head no. “A night in lockup might give him the lesson he failed to learn when he spied on Kagura-chan in her room at the boarding house.”

Words come from Hijikata’s mouth in an angry, low growl. “Let’s make it two nights.” He hoists Gintoki up off the floor and escorts him to the Shinsengumi’s holding facilities.

Gintoki tries to apologize to Hijikata multiple times during the drive, but Hijikata cranks the volume on his anime OP playlist. Gintoki gives up for now. It’s impossible to make himself heard over MIRANOSAND.

He apologizes again as he’s being locked up, but Hijikata walks away without a word.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130208): Day 96 (Saturday) 23:32**

Some Shinsengumi mob character brings Gintoki meals throughout the day.

He was hoping Hijikata would be merciful and keep him in holding for one night instead of two, but as his second midnight in custody draws near, he concludes he really went too far this time.

His hopes peak again when Hijikata comes to visit him. He comes forward and clings to the bars pitifully, imploring, “Toushi—er, Hijikata-kun—er, -san… I’m sorry. Please let me out.”

Hijikata lights a cigarette and smokes it, seemingly pondering granting the wish. He puts the spent cigarette out and says flatly, “Nope.”

He stands up and starts walking away, but Gintoki begs, “Will you please bring me some candy?”

Hijikata turns around and answers simply, “No.”

Gintoki’s blood is now more blood than sugar. He can hardly think straight, which is why he continues whining to someone who’s already pissed off at him and has the power to keep him locked up as he sees fit. “It doesn’t have to be candy. I would take cake or cookies or mochi or ice cr—”

“I’m not bringing you any sweets, dumbfuck!” Hijikata massages his aching forehead and concedes, “I’ll give you something you want tomorrow, and it’s not sweets.”

Not sweets? What else does he want? Oh… Could it be…? He gets a dumb grin on his face and asks, “Money?”

The scowl on Hijikata’s face says that was a wrong guess.

What does he want, other than to get sprung from the hoosegow and/or eat sweets and/or get money? It takes a minute, but it finally occurs to him the ‘something he wants’ might be the thing he hasn’t gotten any of in a week, as part of his punishment for outing his and Hijikata’s relationship to the Shinsengumi. He smiles so wide, his lips practically extend past the sides of his face. “Sex?”

Hijikata turns around and starts walking away again. “I’ll come over to your place tomorrow afternoon, around three.”

Gintoki sleeps well, with a smile on his face. Spending two nights in the pokey didn’t turn out so bad after all.

 

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130208): Day 98 (Sunday) 15:00**

Gintoki is released from captivity and ushered out of Shinsengumi HQ by some mob character first thing in the morning. He goes home, bathes, and gets his home ready for this afternoon’s guest, taking out a few hours for getting caught up on _JUMP_ and napping.

Hijikata arrives at three on the dot.

Gintoki makes apologizing his first priority. “I keep fucking up. I know it. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. It’s just that I have these kids, but they aren’t really mine, and I don’t know how to be the father or older brother figure they need. I worry about them.”

Sounding exasperated, Hijikata says, “You’re doing fine, other than all the illegal shit you do, so fucking stop it. I swear, if I have to arrest you one more time, you may not make it to the holding cell alive.” Softening his tone, he adds, “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t forgive you. Kagura told me to tell you she forgives you too, as long as you buy her all the sukonbu she wants during winter break.”

Confused, Gintoki cocks his head sideways and asks, “Kagura? When did you talk to her?”

“A couple hours ago, when I picked her up from the palace and took her back to school.”

Gintoki is still confused. Isn’t he the only one allowed to take Kagura off-campus? “You…picked her up from school…?”

“Yeah. She attended a bakufu event at the palace as Hime-sama’s guest last night and spent the night there.”

Hijikata is saying all of this like it’s completely normal.

Now Hijikata looks confused. “What part of this isn’t making sense to you? You’re the one who gave her school standing permission to allow me to sign her in and out as part of official bakufu operations.”

Huh? Oh… Past Gin-san must have done this. Ah… This explains when Hijikata and Kagura were having heart-to-heart talks about kissing and such. Damn, Gintoki really lucked out that Kagura spent Saturday night with Soyo and not Friday night. If she had been there when he sneaked in, she would have handed him his ass. He would have been begging to get arrested by his boyfriend again. He lies indignantly, “I wasn’t confused. I was just thinking about which episode of _Code Geass_ we’re on.”

They sit on the couch and watch two episodes of anime, with a five-minute break in the middle for Gintoki to relieve himself of the perhaps too much strawberry milk he drank earlier this afternoon.

After the end of the second episode, Hijikata excuses himself for a smoke.

“Hurry up. I’m on top first,” Gintoki yells after Hijikata as he walks out the door.

While Gintoki waits, he sits on the couch, considering his options for where and in which position he wants to take his boyfriend after more than a week of celibacy. There are still so many pieces of furniture in his apartment that have never seen any action. Unbelievably, his desk is still a virgin. He immediately scratches that possibility off the list. He has fantasies about being bent over that desk, so he’ll save that option for when it’s his turn on the bottom.

He looks down at the coffee table and thinks it could stand to lose its virginity today. He smirks. This is going to be fun. He’ll have Hijikata lie on his back, and he’ll be on top of him, sucking his neck while he stirs up his insides. He’s starting to get a rather promising boner just thinking about it. He moves everything that’s on the coffee table to the top of a bookshelf, to get the surface ready to receive Hijikata’s back.

Hijikata is taking forever outside. He must have taken a work phone call or something. This is what Gintoki gets for falling in love with a workaholic. To keep himself from getting bored while he waits, he runs through his fantasized coffee table fuck in great detail in his mind. He smiles at the vision of Hijikata’s face as he tries to hold back his voice. When Hijikata stifles his voice, it almost works counter to what he’s trying to do; it only seems to make him feel it even more. When he can hold his voice back no longer, it comes out so cute and sexy. And when he calls out Gintoki’s name… Damn. It’s the best. He can’t wait to get him all out of breath and make him moan.

Where is he, anyway? Seriously, if he got caught up working on an afternoon off, Gintoki’s going to be a little pissed. He sighs and stands up, then he immediately sits down again. Is it too possessive and pushy of him to check on him? It is, isn’t it? He’s sure if he ended up having to work, he would at least send a text and let him know what’s going on. He taps a foot on the floor anxiously and twirls a section of hair with a finger until it looks like a silver typhoon. After an additional minute of debate, he decides to walk outside and take a peek at why his boyfriend’s cigarette break is taking so long.

He steps out his front door and realizes he doesn’t even know where Hijikata smokes when he comes over. He starts down the stairs and spots him through the slats of wood in the landing. His heart rate doubles because he can see something is very, very wrong. He hurries down the rest of the stairs and finds Hijikata underneath them, lying in a large pool of blood.

 

 

No.

 

 

This can’t be happening again.

 


	19. Paradox Meltdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki Time Leaps to save Hijikata’s life again.

**\---   ---   ---**

**β (1.130208): Day 98 (Sunday) 16:05**

Gintoki finds Hijikata’s body lying in a pool of blood underneath the stairs to his apartment.

There’s so much blood.

Gintoki is familiar enough with death to know there’s no way Hijikata lost this much blood and lived. Still, he’s not ready to accept the alternative. He rushes over and crouches down next to him. He reaches out and touches his ashen face. The skin is a little too cool to be mistaken for living flesh. He checks for breathing, and he checks his neck for a pulse. He finds neither.

Gintoki’s internal organs feel like they’re twisting inside-out. The smell of blood is overwhelming. Bile rises up his throat. He closes his watering eyes. He holds the tears and gastric juices back. Neither crying nor puking will help him do what he needs to do; namely, gather the information he’ll need to Time Leap and keep Hijikata from dying.

He draws a breath through his mouth and opens his eyes. As much as he doesn’t want to, he knows he needs to find the wound. Hijikata’s neck, chest, hands, and forearms are coated in blood. A neck injury seems likely. He forces himself to reach a hand into the pool of blood and lift Hijikata’s head. His fingers pass through a layer of sticky, partially dried-out blood, suggesting several minutes have passed since Hijikata started bleeding.

Given the amount of blood on the ground, Gintoki knew the injury was going to be bad, but he was unprepared for exactly _how_ bad. He gasps sharply when he sees the deep laceration on Hijikata’s neck, to the right of his trachea. His carotid artery was torn wide open. The sight stirs up battlefield memories of times Gintoki watched helplessly as comrades who were hit in the carotid dropped out of consciousness within seconds and were dead within minutes.

The thought that the man he loves was _murdered_ hits Gintoki hard. He wants to let himself cry, but his chances of keeping Hijikata alive depend on his knowing as much as he can about how he died. He blinks back tears and takes a close look at the wound. It’s hard to get a clear view, as it’s soaked in blood, but Gintoki can see it’s rough and crude. No knife or kitana would make such an uneven cut. It almost appears it wasn’t made with an actual weapon, which doesn’t tell him as much about who the perpetrator was as he would have liked.

He gently lies Hijikata’s head back down and looks around for anything that will help him prevent this from happening again. He notices an unlit cigarette and a mayo-bottle lighter submerged in the pool of blood. Hijikata must have been attacked right after he went outside. The man Gintoki loves was being murdered while Gintoki was fantasizing about fucking him on the coffee table. A sickening wave of guilt rolls through his body.

Gintoki shoves the guilt into a dark corner of his mind and stays on-task. He looks up and down the alley and sees no one. The perpetrator is likely long gone, along with the weapon they used, as he doesn’t see it anywhere.

He looks down at his bloody hand and sobs quietly. He can’t count the number of times his hands have been covered in blood, but this time is different; his hand is covered in _Hijikata’s_ blood. The man he loves is dead… _again_ …

He wipes silent tears on his kimono sleeve. This is too cruel. Losing him once was heartbreaking, but to have him taken away a second time is unjust. Wasn’t it someone else’s turn to die? There’s a murderer on the loose; why not them? Whoever committed this atrocity deserves to die.

He spends another minute with Hijikata, looking at him through a steady flow of tears and stroking his hair with the hand that isn’t covered in blood. He wants to say, _‘I love you, Toushirou,’_ or at least, _‘I’ll see you soon,’_ but he can’t get the words past the lump in his throat. Desperate to express his feelings somehow, he presses his fingertips to his lips and then gently presses the fingertips to his boyfriend’s temple.

He stands and walks on shaky legs up the stairs. He washes the blood from his uncontrollably trembling hands, then he Time Leaps.

 

**β (1.130208): Day 98 (Sunday) 16:09**

**< <<   <<<   <<<**

**β (1.130208): Day 98 (Sunday) 13:09**

Gintoki hurtles through time, unable to see or breathe for a minute. He exits exactly where he was three hours ago: lying on his couch, reading _JUMP_. The sensation of landing on his back from a high freefall causes him to drop his phone on the floor and his _JUMP_ onto his face. He pushes the manga away and gasps for air.

He sits up and catches his breath, then he picks up his phone and confirms he has almost two hours before Hijikata arrives. He intended to prioritize working on a plan for keeping Hijikata alive, but he immediately starts crying. Unlike last time, there seems to be no grace period between Hijikata’s death and the emotions hitting. He allows himself to cry and process the grief; this is the whole reason he went back three hours. He learned his lesson about not having enough time to deal with his emotions after Hijikata’s first death.

After a while, he stops crying and reflects on the information he gathered in the alley. Hijikata didn’t even get his cigarette lit before he was attacked. Maybe he was distracted with lighting his cigarette and didn’t see his assailant approaching. Maybe the attacker was someone he knew. That would explain why his guard may have been down. Neither theory fits what Gintoki knows about Hijikata, but something must have put him off his game.

Regardless, saving Hijikata seems like it should be as simple as keeping him from going out for a smoke. However, he thought the same thing after Hijikata died in the earthquake; as a consequence, Hijikata dumped him, and both of them were traumatized and miserable. Preventing Hijikata from stepping outside might keep him safe, but it would leave a killer on the loose. Someone who’s capable of such a brutal murder may have killed before and will probably kill again. Hijikata would kick his ass if he found out he saved his life but failed to keep the rest of Edo safe. Therefore, he decides to do everything exactly the same as the first time through, until Hijikata steps outside for a smoke break, at which point he will invite himself along. He will kill the perpetrator if it’s the only way to keep Hijikata alive, but he would prefer to neutralize them without lethal force, as he knows Hijikata would want the perp to see their day in court.

Just when he has a plan and thinks he is doing all right emotionally, he sobs again. The way Hijikata died this time is just _wrong._ The first time Hijikata died, he did it in perfect Hijikata fashion, while saving lives; this time, someone violently stole his life away. All Gintoki knows about the killer is that it probably wasn’t a joui assassin. They wouldn’t do such sloppy work. They would want it to be obvious they were the ones who took down the Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi. If it wasn’t the jouishishi, was it a mugging gone wrong, or a random act of violence, or what? Not that Gintoki would be happy if this was a politically motivated assassination, but he would be devastated if the love of his life was murdered for no reason.

He checks the time. He still has over an hour until Hijikata arrives. He doesn’t want to wait that long. He has a strong urge to call him, just to hear his voice, but he doesn’t want to fuck with his plan. He needs them to be under the stairs at the right time, or he might miss his chance to get a dangerous sicko off the streets.

He distracts himself by going to his underwear drawer and browsing his DVD selection. Should he watch _Bored Housewife Joins the Married Couple Next Door_ or _My Mother-in-Law Rides Reverse Cowgirl_? He drops the DVDs back into the drawer. He doesn’t want to watch people having sex. He wants to hug his boyfriend and hold his hand.

Maybe he’ll read _JUMP_ again. To minimize the temptation to call or text Hijikata, he leaves his phone in the bedroom. He lies down on the couch and picks the manga up off the floor, but it’s impossible to keep his mind on the page; he’s too restless and fidgety. He sets the manga down and stands up.

He paces back and forth across the length of his apartment. He can’t block out the vision of the limp, lifeless body of his boyfriend and blood…so much blood. He wipes his left hand on his clothing repeatedly, trying to get the phantom sensation of Hijikata’s blood off of it. He washes his hands for the _n_ _th_ time, but the feeling can’t be rubbed or washed off, as he well knows from his years of walking a dark path.

The tears start again and refuse to stop. His heart fucking hurts. This is too much to deal with. He wasn’t over Hijikata’s first death. He saved his life then, and he will save his life again, but he is no longer confident there will come a day when he isn’t constantly haunted by memories of his deaths. He still occasionally has nightmares about finding Hijikata’s crushed body in a rubble pile. He imagines finding Hijikata dead of exsanguination will become the new topic of his nightmares.

He hadn’t realized Time Leaping three hours would give him _too much_ time to think about things he’d rather not think about. Only by deliberately focusing on the fact that he will see Hijikata alive and well shortly is he able to stop crying.

He goes into his bedroom and checks the time on his phone. Hijikata will be here in less than twenty minutes. He decides he may be able to distract his mind from going bad places for that short period of time by watching porn. He takes his phone and the DVD he chooses from his underwear-drawer porn collection to the living room, where he watches a woman with a huge rack ride reverse cowgirl on a massive cock.

When he hears his front door slide open, he panics and accidentally drops the remote control on the floor. He quickly picks it up and turns the TV and Blu-Ray player off. He checks the time on his phone. It’s three on the dot. He lost track of time while trying to distract himself from his grief.

He stands up to greet his boyfriend. His plan flies out the window as soon as he sees Hijikata. It’s overwhelmingly wonderful to see him alive and well. He can’t get his mouth to open, much less remember what he was planning to say. He recalls this is exactly what happened to him the second time through the night of the earthquake; his emotions derailed his ability to do everything the same as the first time through. He kicks himself mentally for not realizing his plan was shit.

Hijikata crosses his arms, frowns, and informs Gintoki, “Kagura says she forgives you, so long as you buy her all the sukonbu she wants during winter break.”

Hijikata’s words remind Gintoki that the conversation the first time through started with him apologizing for sneaking into the shogun’s palace to spy on Soyo and Kagura, forcing his boyfriend to arrest him for a second time. He swallows back his tears of joy and re-offers his apology, a bit more eloquently and a lot more humbly than last time, “I’m sorry. I fucked up again. Please forgive me again. I want to take care of the kids, but I never had a family growing up; I don’t know what it’s like, so I don’t know what I’m supposed to do for them. You’re much better at it than I am.”

Hijikata can’t stay mad at his boyfriend after he offers such a sincere apology. He un-crosses his arms and says, “How many times do I have to tell you? I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t forgive you, you idiot.”

Gintoki approaches Hijikata and reaches out to touch him. Something in the back of his mind worries he’s dreaming and that Hijikata is still dead. He takes one of his hands; it’s warm, and it squeezes back. The fingertips of Gintoki’s other hand lightly brush against Hijikata’s face. When he looks at the face, he notices it looks concerned. Crap. He’s doing a shit job of hiding his emotions again, isn’t he? He forces a smile and asks, “Should we watch some anime?”

Hijikata looks at his boyfriend, hoping to see what’s going on inside his brain. It’s clear there’s something wrong. He has no idea what. If Gintoki is handing out obviously fake smiles, then he’s probably not ready to talk about whatever it is. Hijikata will bide his time and see if the truth comes out organically. He answers gently, “Sure.”

Fuck; it’s so great to touch a living Hijikata again. Gintoki is going to cry in front of him if he doesn’t leave the room for a minute. He makes an excuse to have a moment alone to compose himself, offering, “Would you like something to drink?”

It seems like Gintoki is offering a drink as an excuse to have a moment to put on a more convincing false front. Hijikata humors him. “Tea, please.”

While Gintoki is in the kitchen getting beverages ready, Hijikata sits on the couch and turns the TV and Blu-Ray player on.

While swiping tears from his eyelashes, Gintoki nearly pokes himself in the eye when his hand jerks as he suddenly remembers it isn’t _Code Geass_ in the Blu-Ray player. He rushes out to the living room, but he’s too late to keep Hijikata from seeing what he was just watching.

_‘Ahh! Ahh! I see what my daughter sees in you, Kenichi-kun! I love fucking myself with this huge dick!’_

Hijikata hits pause and looks at Gintoki.

Gintoki can think of nothing to say. He simply stands at the entrance to the living room, mouth slightly agape.

Hijikata looks away, rolling his eyes and sighing. “I guess this is what I get for dating a bisexual pervert.”

Panicking, Gintoki laughs nervously and lies, “Shin-Shinpachi must have been watching that… It-it’s not mine. I don’t own anything like that.”

Taking a glance at the paused o-face and mid-bounce jugs of the porn actress, Hijikata says flatly, “Really. Shinpachi is into women who are old enough to be his mom?”

Gintoki shrugs and holds his hands out, as if he genuinely doesn’t know, innocently positing, “Maybe that’s his thing?”

Hijikata rolls his eyes again, not buying anything Gintoki is saying. “I lived your life for a while, remember? I’ve seen what you keep in your underwear drawer, so I know your weird and frankly disgusting taste in porn.” He stands up and swaps out the porn DVD for a _Code Geass_ Blu-Ray, muttering with disgust, “ _My Mother-in-Law Rides Reverse Cowgirl_? Gross.”

Gintoki thinks _My Mother-in-Law Rides Reverse Cowgirl_ is a masterpiece, but he keeps that opinion to himself. He's just thankful Hijikata is accepting of his pornography proclivities. He goes back into the kitchen and brings out their drinks.

They sit side-by-side on the couch and start watching the first episode. Gintoki is, of course, paying zero attention to the episode he watched less than three hours ago. He’s worried about the timetable, because the first time through, the conversation they had before watching TV was brief, maybe two minutes long. This time, they must have talked for at least five minutes. His only chance to keep them on-track is to skip the bathroom break he took between episodes last time. Luckily, he didn’t guzzle strawberry milk like it was going out of style this time, so he should be fine. Hopefully Hijikata won’t want a break in-between. If so, he’s going to have to pull something out of his ass. He would propose skipping the OP and/or ED, but Hijikata is such a damn nerd, he would never let that happen.

For now, he’s going to try not to worry. He focuses on having an alive Hijikata sitting to his left. He reaches to hold hands with him. It's sappy as fuck to admit, but he cherishes being able to share such a simple gesture.

When Hijikata feels the touch, he looks at Gintoki. There’s definitely something wrong. He takes Gintoki’s hand and examines his face for answers while _Kaidoku Funou_ plays in the background. Hijikata doesn’t think he did anything to upset Gintoki. He hopes not, anyway. Though he thinks he won’t get an answer, he feels the need to ask, “Are you ok?”

The forced smile comes back, but it melts under the scrutiny of Hijikata’s eyes. Gintoki isn’t fooling him, and he knows it. He gives a sad but genuine smile and assures, “I’m fine.” He then corrects himself, “Or, I will be.” As soon as he saves Hijikata’s life, he’ll be better than ‘ok.’

Hijikata thinks that’s probably the best answer he’s going to get, for now. He nods in acknowledgement and goes back to watching TV, though he is still worried about Gintoki.

They hold hands through the episode. When it ends, neither Gintoki nor Hijikata asks for a break. They watch two episodes, back-to-back.

Hijikata turns the Blu-Ray player and TV off and excuses himself for a smoke.

Gintoki stands up and says, “I’ll go with you.”

What is with this weird trend of Gintoki wanting to join Hijikata on his smoke breaks? He did the same thing a couple weeks ago, right before the earthquake. Well, whatever. Gintoki is obviously going through something difficult, and if their being together makes him feel better, Hijikata is happy to oblige, not that he’ll say that in so many words or in anything other than a disinterested tone. “Whatever.”

On the way out, Hijikata slip shoes on and picks up his sword, and Gintoki puts his boots on and surreptitiously picks up his bokuto and slides it into his obi. They walk down the stairs and under them. Gintoki is on high alert. He has his eyes on everyone and everything.

Hijikata lights his cigarette and holds the pack out toward Gintoki. For all he knows, Gintoki invited himself because he wants a smoke to help him cope with whatever’s on his mind. Gintoki shakes his head no, and Hijikata slips the pack and lighter back into the folds of his kimono.

An unfamiliar young man enters the back end of the alley, catching Gintoki’s attention. Gintoki reaches for his bokuto but doesn’t pull it out yet.

Hijikata follows Gintoki’s eyeline to the young man. He seems like he might be drunk or something, because he’s swaying slightly as he walks, and he’s muttering to himself.

Suddenly, the young man catches sight of Hijikata and Gintoki. His eyes go wild. In one swift motion, he reaches into his kimono, pulls out a weapon, and lunges at Hijikata.

Before Gintoki can draw his bokuto, Hijikata hits the young man hard in the stomach with the non-business end of his sword, knocking the wind out of him and causing him to drop his weapon and fall to his knees.

The universe shakes around Gintoki, verifying that he changed world lines.

Hijikata pushes the young man face-down on the ground and keeps him there with a knee in his mid-back. He’s not in-uniform, so he doesn’t have handcuffs with him. While he holds the man’s hands behind his back, Gintoki removes his belt and secures it around his wrists. Hijikata stands up and asks Gintoki, “You got him?” Gintoki nods, and Hijikata ponders who he should call. Nothing about the situation strikes him as being Shinsengumi business. The young man seems to have no idea who Hijikata is; neither does he behave like a joui rebel. Thus, he decides to call the prefectural police.

The young man is thrashing around and clearly wants to flee, but Gintoki keeps him in place with a boot on his back. Without taking too much of his weight off the young man, Gintoki reaches over and picks the ‘weapon’ up off the ground. It’s really just a length of metal, about the same length as his hand from wrist to middle fingertip, with one slightly curved, jagged end.

While they wait for the police to arrive, the young man appears terrified and agitated. He continues muttering incoherently to himself.

The prefectural police arrive and put the man in the back of their squad car. An officer takes Gintoki’s and Hijikata’s statements.

After the prefectural police leave, Hijikata pulls out another cigarette and lights up. Why did this have to happen on one of his rare half-days off work? It’s fucking inconvenient. He curses out in a sigh, “Shit.”

While Hijikata smokes, Gintoki's mind races. Unbidden, his brain pieces together a clear picture of Hijikata’s second death. Hijikata was in the alley, distracted with lighting his cigarette and not taking note of the deranged young man. With no warning, the man lunged at Hijikata, slashed his neck wide open with a jagged piece of scrap metal, and fled the scene. Hijikata dropped his unlit cigarette and lighter and clasped his hands to his throat, desperate to stanch the gush of blood, but the wound was too deep and in the worst possible place. His hands and forearms quickly became coated in red. Within seconds, he lost too much blood to remain conscious. His arms fell limp, and he crumpled onto his side on the ground. Every beat of his heart pumped more blood out, until he was dead.

When Hijikata’s cigarette is gone, they go back inside. Gintoki hugs Hijikata to reassure himself he’s alive. The unwanted vision is the scariest fucking thing Gintoki has ever seen, and he has seen a whole damn lot. Even if you limit the sample size to scary things he’s seen happen to Hijikata, he has seen him torn up by bullets and sword slashes that would have killed lesser men. He witnessed him nearly lose his soul to a possessed sword. Hell, he has twice found Hijikata’s corpse. He’s unfortunately confident he will have nightmares based on the vision.

Hijikata wonders if Gintoki is ever going to let go of the crushing hug. It’s clearer than ever there’s something bothering Gintoki, and Hijikata has no idea how to make him feel better. Maybe sex would distract him from whatever’s weighing on his mind. Hijikata smoothly proposes the idea. “So, uh, who’s on top first?”

It takes a second for Gintoki to comprehend that Hijikata is talking about sex. Normally, he’s down for whatever-whenever-wherever, but he couldn’t get it up right now for any amount of money. “Sorry…I’m not really…” he mumbles into Hijikata’s ear, not letting go of the hug.

Gintoki seems shaken by the attempted attack. Hijikata thinks he should try to say something comforting. He pulls away from the hug, just far enough to look Gintoki in the face as he assures, “Hey, everything’s fine, you know?”

_Yeah, this time_ , Gintoki thinks. It hurts so much to think about what happened the first time. He forces himself to nod.

The nod is unconvincing. Hijikata doesn’t normally think drowning your problems is a healthy approach, but he’s desperate enough to propose it. “Do you want to go out? I could use a drink.”

Gintoki shakes his head no.

Hijikata is at a loss. Nothing he’s doing is helping. He reluctantly offers to leave. “Would you rather be alone?”

Gintoki hugs him tightly again. “Please stay,” he begs into Hijikata’s shoulder. He knows his behavior is freaking his boyfriend out. He tries to explain what's wrong, but he's on the verge of tears, and his voice is barely audible. “You could have—” His voice gives out on him and turns to a sob. _‘You could have died,’_ he means to say, but he can’t finish the sentence. He swallows hard, takes a deep breath, and says in a near-whisper, “What happened scared me.”

Whoa. Was that… _emotional honesty_ Gintoki just gave Hijikata? Did he just admit to being _scared_? Holy fucking shit. He loves Gintoki wh—

_WAIT!!!_ That's not how he means to word it.

What he means is, ‘He loves _it_ when Gintoki is honest.’

Phew, that made his heart pound too hard for a second there, before he corrected the verbiage in his head.

Hijikata leans his head to the side, resting it against Gintoki’s, and gently strokes fingers through his hair. After a minute, he proposes, “Maybe we can get dinner delivered later?”

Gintoki nods into Hijikata’s shoulder and takes comfort in his warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe if we give Toushirou another 19 chapters, he’ll be ready to admit he had it worded right the first time.
> 
> **[Your hypothetical response to me]** You worthless hack of a fanfic writer. Your readers would all die of old age before you managed to get another 19 chapters out. You left Hijikata lying dead in a pool of his own blood for a _month_!  
>  **[Me]** I feel bad about that, I really do. You see, here’s what happened: I got promoted at work, and I’m working more hours and using my brain more—  
>  **[Hypothetical you]** Wait, wait, wait. You’re pushing blame onto something _good_ happening in your life?  
>  **[Me]** Well, it’s not just that. I also have some adult life bullshit coming up that has me really stressed out—  
>  **[Hypothetical you]** Oh, so now you’re blaming things that haven’t even happened yet? You do realize time travel doesn’t exist in real life, right?  
>  **[Me]** Yes, but… **[To myself]** _Fuck, I better get future chapters out in a more timely fashion._


End file.
